Middle of Nowhere - Chapter 21, Epilogue Part 1
Title: Middle of Nowhere
Disclaimer: These characters are not mine. They were created by Annie Proulx. I make no money from this and don't want to.
Rating: NC-17 for the whole story
Dedication: To Keren. Thanks for everything.
Feedback: Oh yes please!! I appreciate every word.
Authors Note: This chapter is unbeta'ed so any mistakes are ALL mine. I know its taken a while for me to get this out so thank you for waiting and I hope it doesnt disappoint. As I can't seem to do short chapters, this one is in 2 parts. I'm going away this weekend and don't have part 2 completed yet. So here is Part 1 for you....with a sweet little valentine treat at the end :)
Chapter 21 - Epilogue Part 1
Ennis stepped out from the barn and was caught off guard by the blazing afternoon sun, having spent most of the morning working, oblivious to all around him. He hadn’t even registered the sweat that covered his face or caused his t-shirt to stick to his skin. He was due a break, and was desperate for food, drink and a cigarette. He grabbed the snack he’d brought with him and found a shady spot behind the back of the barn and sat down, thankful to be resting after a busy morning. KE had gone out of town for a couple of days, leaving him with a list of jobs to do in his absence. Fridays were his day off from the lumberyard, so he got through the jobs quickly knowing that one less task meant one step closer to seeing Jack.
After eating and gulping down the contents of his watering can, he lit a cigarette, taking long, deep drags, leaning his head back against the barn wall. The early summer warmth was a welcome relief after the long, cold winter that had gripped the sprawling state for too long. As if coming out of hibernation, he sensed that new beginnings were all around him.
He reached for the well-read letter that lay hidden in his back jean pocket. He didn’t need to see it to read it; he could recite every word with his eyes closed. What he needed to see, and what he wanted to have close was Jack, and reading the letter made him feel he had a bit of Jack with him, as did all the letters they had exchanged since leaving camp, nine months earlier.
Every letter Ennis received was treated the same. He would rip it open, devour every word, every line, everything that wasn’t said, even hold the paper to his nose in the hope of extracting the smell of Jack somehow. Then, later alone in his room, he would lie on his bed, and read it again, taking his time to swim in the joy of Jack’s words, each “I miss you” going straight to his heart, and every “I want you, Ennis” heading straight for his groin.
Jack liked writing Ennis’s name. Once he asked Jack why, and Jack had replied, “writing your name makes me feel closer to you.” That had stunned Ennis into silence. Jack had a habit of giving Ennis’s heart a jolt when he least expected it. Like the time Ennis received his first ever valentine; a simple card containing a poem that Jack had stayed up all night to write.* He kept that hidden away in the keepsake box he had made for his momma when he was little.
He unfolded Jack’s latest letter and began to read.
“Dear Ennis
I know I only wrote to you four days ago, but truth is, I’m missing you so much I can hardly stand it. I thought the regular phone calls and the trip to Signal would keep me going, but seems that seeing you and hearing your voice just makes me want you even more. I know it’s not just me, Ennis, I know you feel bad about this whole separation thing too, but I’m going out of my mind here. If I’m not writing to you, I’m phoning you, and when I’m not phoning you, I’m working out how long it is until I can phone you.
Anyway, Ennis, I think I’m just having a bad day. College wasn’t great, every class I had seemed to result in me being told off for not paying attention. I know where my mind is at, but I’m not telling them. I know I got to work harder if I’m going to get the grades I need to graduate, but I’ve got be honest Ennis, none of this matters to me. The only thing that does is you, and you’re not here.
I know we had it planned for us to meet up during my break at the end of May, but that’s way too long to wait. Any chance you can get some time to meet up before then? I’m not above begging, Ennis. I know we’re both running out of excuses for why we keep meeting, but my folks don’t care, as long as I’m back in time for college. KE can’t complain either, since you work hard on the ranch as well as at the lumberyard and the riding school. Say you’re meeting some folks again from camp. That motel we stayed in last time was nice, how about I book us a room there, Ennis?
Write back and let me know, say you’ll be there.
Love you, Ennis. Jack x
Ennis could sense the desperation in Jack’s voice as clear as if Jack was standing in front of him. Jack hardly ever made demands on him, knowing how difficult things were. Their last time together had been so wonderful that going their separate ways at the end of it had been especially hard. The fact they had spent 48 hours holed up in an anonymous motel room mattered little to either of them. They were together, alone, and that was all that they cared about. It was the parting that was so difficult.
Ennis was worried about Jack, and concerned about the effect this was having on his college work. He didn’t want to be the reason Jack failed. Jack was bright enough to do well and make something of himself. He didn’t want Jack to get into such a state that his parents noticed and started giving him a hard time, which would only make things worse.
KE’s trip out of town gave Ennis the opportunity to see Jack sooner than they had planned. When he rang Jack to give him the news, the excited screams coming down the phone were enough to let Ennis know he had done the right thing.
Due to the short notice, Jack could only manage to visit him for one night, instead of two. The swimming team Jack was a member of had a gala competition on the Friday, and there was no way Jack could cancel. Ennis wouldn’t let him anyhow. Swimming was one of the few things that kept Jack going.
Jack promised to phone him that night when he got home, telling him to wait up, and to make sure he was in his bedroom. Ennis hadn’t needed to be asked twice.
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Jack showered quickly after the competition had finished, eager to get home and spend some quality phone time with Ennis. They phoned each other often, but they had to be outside for privacy, or inside for warmth, and neither suited. Knowing KE was out of the house, and his own folks were out at dinner, gave him all the encouragement he needed. After a chat with some of his team buddies, he rushed home, thoughts of seeing Ennis again filling his mind.
Jack was more excited than usual about seeing Ennis, relieved KE wouldn’t be there, and giddy about spending the whole night together in bed. Although Jack had visited Ennis’s home before, they had always slept separately, Ennis in his room, and Jack downstairs on the sofa. The thought of Ennis creeping downstairs to crawl under his covers would keep his mind active and result in him jerking off, heightened by the fervent hope that Ennis was doing the same upstairs.
“Hey Ennis.”
“Hey Jack.”
“How are you?”
“I’m good now I’m talking to you. You sound kinda out of breath, you okay?”
“Yeah, I just rushed up the stairs.”
“How was the swimming competition?”
“It was good. I won both my heats, so I’m happy.”
“Yeah, good for you. You tired?”
“No way. I’m full of energy, Ennis. Always am after a meet.”
“What d’you normally do to get rid of all that energy?”
“There’s all kinds of things, I guess. I could do some press ups, jog around for a while, but I
don’t wanna do them tonight.”
“Oh. So what do you wanna do?”
“Ennis…my folks are out.”
“Yeah? Where’d they go?”
“I didn’t tell you for you to ask where they are, Ennis. I told you so you’d know I was alone.”
“Uh…”
“Yeah. I’m in the bedroom. On my bed. You on the bed?“
“Yeah.”
“Good. Shit, I miss you so much Ennis. I can’t wait to see you.”
“Me too, Jack. What’s that noise?”
“What noise? Oh, that was me, pulling my zipper down.”
“Your what?”
“My zipper, Ennis. On my jeans. You know, you have one too. Why not pull yours down.”
“Shit….Jack, I…..”
“Come on Ennis….I know I’m seeing you tomorrow, but that’s then, and I want you now.“
“Okay, I’m…I’m pulling mine down.”
“Good….now take it out, and stroke it.”
“Uh….”
“I’m stroking mine, and thinking its your hand, not mine.”
“Jesus….I feel foolish.”
“It’s just you and me here Ennis. Close your eyes and imagine I’m there with you.”
“Yeah….wish you were here for real.”
“I know, me too. My eyes are closed and I’m next to you, and your hand is on me.”
“Yeah….damn.”
“Feels good, don’t it?”
“Yeah….damn.”
“God, I love it when you touch me like that, all firm and tight. You know how to make me feel good, Ennis.”
“I…..you feel good, Jack. Always do.”
“Fuck, Ennis….I ain’t gonna last here, just hearing you talk, you can talk about the damn
weather and it’d make me come…..”
“Keep…keeping talking, about me talking Jack, I’m close…..shit.”
“Yeah….me too…oh god…oh god…Ennis….can you feel me Ennis…..Ennis……fuck I’m coming!”
“Argh…Jack….oh god…..too good……..that’s it….oh…oh……yeah…..god!”
“Ennis, you still alive?”
“Uh….”
“Damn, that was good. Why‘d we never think of doing that before?”
“Don’t know, probably cause we’d not survive long if we did.”
--------------------
Jack got his breath back long enough to stay on the phone with Ennis for another hour, filling each other in on their lives and how they occupied them in the absence of the other. Even though Jack liked to write long, detailed letters to Ennis, he always managed to have enough “I have to tell Ennis that!” moments to pass on in their phone calls, and he knew Ennis loved to hear them.
These late night conversations reminded Jack of the ones they had shared on camp, when they would exchange elements of their day with each other, sitting as close as they could on the wooden steps of their cabin, surrounded by stillness and stars. All that was missing now was the unobserved touches Jack longed for. Sometimes he wondered how he survived so long with so little to go on. But knowing Ennis felt the same was enough to keep him going when things were really hard.
He was enjoying the sense of calm he always felt when talking to Ennis. It wasn't just the sex that had mellowed him out; Ennis had a way of making Jack feel that no matter what was on his mind, there was always a way to work it out. He wondered about the solution he’d come up with for the problem consuming him now, and whether it would meet with Ennis's approval. But he was tired and didn't want to discuss it over the phone. This time tomorrow he'd be with Ennis - sharing his bed too - and they could talk about it then.
"Gotta go, cowboy," Jack said, stifling a yawn. "Sooner I get up, the sooner I get to you."
"Yeah, you need a good night's sleep. Don't want you dropping off on the road. Take some coffee, keep you awake."
Jack smiled into the phone at Ennis's overt concern. "I got that covered. Mom said she'd make me up a flask and some food for the journey."
"Good. Well if I ain't in the house when you get here....."
"Yeah, I know where you'll be,” he said, cutting Ennis off mid-sentence. “Outside finishing those jobs KE left you. You got many of ‘em left to do?"
"No, I got most of ‘em done today, knowing you'd be here tomorrow."
"Shit Ennis, I hope I didn't make you work too hard."
"No, its fine, I told you, and now it means we get to spend more time alone, so....," Ennis trailed off, and Jack could hear awkwardness creep into Ennis's voice.
“Yeah, Ennis, I know, and it’s all good. Just wish I could have been there tonight, but I’ll see you tomorrow."
"You know how much I love hearing you say that."
"Me too, Ennis. Night. I love you."
"Night, Jack. I love you too."
------
Ennis took a final drag on his last cigarette and crushed it deep into the dirt. He had bought some extra packets for him and Jack to share while shopping for beer and food that morning. He’d debated whether to buy lube, but couldn’t bring himself to do it. He hoped Jack would bring some. They’d need it.
He adjusted his jeans covering the hardening ridge of his dick, and looked at his watch, again. Jack would be arriving any minute. He was anxious, nervous and excited. All this meeting up and separating again was tiring and difficult, but it was the best they could do in the circumstances and he wondered - not for the first time - what kind of miracle could occur to make things easier.
Just at that moment, the familiar sound of Jack’s car could be heard and as it got louder, so did the thudding of Ennis’s heart. He didn’t know what to do with himself, knowing that Jack would be here and in his arms in less than a minute. A swirl of dust welcomed Jack into the yard, and the car had barely stopped before Jack jumped out and grabbed Ennis hard, pulling him into a hug that felt like the closest thing to heaven to Ennis. Only Jack’s mouth on his could make it better.
“Missed you cowboy,” Jack breathed, before kissing Ennis hard and deep. Ennis took him in, returning the kiss with as much determination as Jack, their tongues touching, the sensation hot and deliriously sweet. Ennis suddenly realised where they were, and pulled away, grabbing Jack’s arms from around his neck, not before stroking Jack’s face in a soft caress.
“Its okay Ennis, no one can see us,“ Jack said gently, sensing Ennis’s unease, just like Jack always did.
“I know, but - think we need to go inside anyhow, you probably need a drink.”
“I need something,” Jack said, looking down at Ennis’s crotch, “I can drink later.”
“Uh - yeah,” Ennis stuttered, watching Jack’s tongue dart out of his mouth and lick his bottom lip.
“We’ll get your stuff later,” he said, pulling Jack into the house and up the stairs to his room.
“What’s wrong with the kitchen?” Jack asked. “Always wanted to do it in a kitchen.”
“We can do it in a kitchen Jack, but right now, I want you on your back, in bed.”
“Fuck, when you put it like that, let’s go.” They raced upstairs, Ennis shutting the door and locking it despite no one else being in the house. Jack didn’t comment, he seemed too preoccupied on getting undressed as fast as possible. Ennis followed, and took a sharp intake of breath as the sight of Jack, lying naked on his bed, nearly trip-switched his whole body.
“Come here,” Jack breathed, holding his arms out.
Ennis lay next to Jack, enveloping himself in Jack’s loving arms, and the agony of their separation faded away as Jack kissed and caressed his face. Ennis felt like he was drunk, intoxicated by the sense of Jack being so close. His fingers explored the mapped contours of Jack’s chest. He felt heady with delight, and overwhelmed with need.
Ennis rolled Jack over so he was lying on top, and clasped Jack’s arms tightly above his head, the way Jack liked it. Jack thrust his hips up in encouragement, and he held tighter.
“Mmm, yeah,” Jack moaned, his eyes dark with lust. “I'm on my back, so now what?”
Ennis let go of Jack’s arms and went to grab the lube, realising he didn’t have any.
“It’s in my bag, Ennis. Front pocket.”
He edged off the bed and fumbled in Jack’s bag until he found what he needed, smiling at Jack’s ability to read his mind.
“Get back here, need you,” Jack urged, stroking himself and giving Ennis a look of such agonised desire, he had to steady himself. He crawled back on the bed and slicked himself up, as well as his fingers, to get ready Jack for him. He tentatively placed a finger inside Jack, letting Jack get used to the sensation of being stretched, and when he felt Jack tighten around him, attempted another one in, pushing further inside.
“Mmm,” Jack breathed, “that’s good.”
“Yeah? You want another, or you ready?”
“I’m ready. Just do it cause this is gonna be fast.”
Ennis removed his fingers and swiftly lifted Jack’s legs high as he moved in, pushing his dick in slowly as he felt Jack shift underneath him, urging Ennis to go deeper. He began to thrust hard, wanting to find the spot that would send Jack over the edge and seeing stars.
As Jack rocked his hips against the slide of his dick deep inside him, he leaned down to kiss Jack, deep and hard and wet. Jack returned the kiss hungrily, moaning into his mouth, making him lose control.
“Touch yourself,” Ennis demanded, his voice thick with desire. Jack needed little encouragement, grabbing his own hard dick and pumping fast and furiously, prompting Ennis to push even deeper inside of Jack, wanting to fill Jack and watch him come, hoping it would happen together. He could see the precome leaking out of Jack’s dick and he felt his orgasm build and knew it was close.
“I’m close, Ennis,” Jack said, as though reading his mind. “Ain’t gonna last.” Jack pumped his dick harder, licking his lips and keeping his eyes focused on Ennis’s face. Spurred on by Jack’s declaration, he ploughed roughly inside Jack and let his orgasm take over.
“Fuck, damn,” Ennis panted, as he watched Jack come seconds later, the milky white liquid covering his hand and chest.
“Oh yeah, shit,” Jack said, his breathing rapid and gasping. “That was awesome.”
“Mmmm,” Ennis replied, pulling out of Jack and collapsing next to him with a heavy thud. The power of speech had left him and he could barely move.
“I take it from that you liked it too?” Jack laughed, knowing how awkward he got immediately after sex.
“Mmmm,” Ennis repeated. “Needed that.”
“Yeah me too. As good as that phone sex was last night, ain’t nothing like the real thing.”
Ennis grabbed his cigarettes and lit two, handing one over to Jack. They smoked in silence, getting their breath back and wallowing in post-sex bliss.
After their cigarette, they curled into each other, hugging and kissing softly, and as the morning sunshine slowly drifted into the room, they fell asleep.
-----
Jack and Ennis spent the afternoon out riding, Ennis on his own horse, Bonnie, and Jack on one he’d rode before, Lucy. He revelled in the joy of having this time with Ennis, and was happy for Ennis to lead them out on trails that Ennis clearly knew well. The breezy summer day was perfect, and nothing felt wrong.
By the time they got back to the house, Jack was ravenous. Ennis had made them both a lunch fit for five men once they’d woken up from their deep slumber, but the long ride had drummed up an appetite, and Ennis’s promise of steak for dinner made his mouth water at the prospect. After a quick shower, Ennis was eager to start dinner, and Jack figured helping him could only get the food on the table faster.
Jack grabbed a bowl and bag of spuds and began to peel, stopping every so often to drink his beer and cast a sideways glance at Ennis, who was cooking with concentration at the stove. His eyes drifted down to follow the trail of faded denim covering hard muscle and soft skin. His lips were dry again, despite being wet by the beer only minutes before.
“You okay there, bud?”
Jack looked up at Ennis, suddenly aware that he’d been staring at Ennis’s ass for the past five minutes.
“Huh? Yeah, sure, I’m fine, just thinking.”
“Yeah? Well you wanna make sure you think about peeling the spuds and not the skin off your fingers.”
Jack shifted in his chair, drank a long mouthful of beer, and tried to will his erection to go down. Although he still hoped they’d get to fulfil his sex-on-the-kitchen-table fantasy, he didn’t think it’d be fair to ruin the meal that Ennis had planned. It’d make a nice dessert, though.
When the food was finally done, Ennis had barely placed their plates on the table before Jack tucked into it, devouring every mouthful like he hadn’t eaten for weeks, washing it down with more beer. The mix of being with Ennis, eating good food, having great sex and drinking good beer were all swirling around inside him and making him feel lightheaded.
“What you grinnin’ at?” Ennis said, smiling cautiously at Jack.
“Nothin, just happy to be here I guess,” Jack replied, “No harm in that is there?”
“No,” Ennis said, “No harm at all. I’m happy too.” Jack noticed a flush creep up on Ennis’s face. He reached out and stroked the back of his hand against Ennis’s cheek. He heard Ennis’s breath quicken as he leaned into the touch.
“You know, it could be like this, just like this, always,” Jack whispered.
“Huh? How d’you figure that?” Ennis’s voice was rough, but he didn’t make an attempt to move away from Jack’s touch. This gave Jack the encouragement he needed, and he took a deep breath.
“Ennis - I’ve been thinking. I graduate next month, and once that happens, I’m leaving home.”
“But - where you gonna go?” Ennis asked, sounding confused. “What you gonna do for money?”
“I’m gonna get a job. Here.”
“What?” Ennis spluttered. “Whaddya mean, here? Where’s here?”
“Hear me out,” Jack said, patiently. “Depending on my grades, I can be enrolled on a graduate programme at the swimming complex over in Douglas. I’d work there, so I’d be getting a salary, and attend college one day a week to earn a diploma in life-saving, which they’d pay for. They seem real eager for me to get on the programme, Ennis.”
Jack watched as Ennis absorbed the news. He could see Ennis was having difficulty processing the information.
“But - when - I mean, how long you been thinking on this? You ain’t said a thing about it. This ain’t something you just decide on one morning.”
“I’ve thought about it for a while, but didn’t want to say anything until I knew that I could definitely get a place on the programme. Ennis, you know how much I’ve wanted to leave home. That ain’t news.”
“No I guess not, but what I don’t understand is where you gonna live? I mean, you gonna rent an apartment? Ain’t that gonna be expensive?”
“I wasn’t thinking of renting an apartment. I was hoping to move in here, with you.”
End of Epilogue Part 1
* If you would like to read Jack’s Valentine Poem for Ennis, please click here: http://poppyhoney-67.livejournal.com/tag/cross+my+heart