Keep Your Head Down [7]
Pairings: YunJaeMin
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: boyxboy, mature content.
Summary: Jaejoong wants to be forgiven for leaving HoMin and they know what they want as retribution.
A/N: I deserve to be butchered, I know. Also, the pairing poll is closed now. Enjoy~
Changmin traced patterns on the dusty surface of Jaejoong’s bedside table. The movie had long since ended and Changmin could not find enough motivation in him to download another. His index finger moved making a curve, then another. He drew a heart, then broke it with a line zigzagging in the middle and then ran his palm over it wiping it out with a mental reprimand that he was acting like a girl.
Yunho had called minutes before and Changmin noted his voice sounded strained; a weird mix of cooling anger and held-back tears. Thinking about it, Changmin seldom saw Yunho cry. He wondered what had gotten the other man so worked up that his emotions threatened to spill through the cracks of his carefully constructed demeanor of strength and stability.
And then he remembered it. Yunho had been with Yoochun that morning.
Over the smudge where the heart had been he traced Yunho’s name, then Jaejoong’s, then his. He connected them with looping lines of dust-less surface flowing around the names, covering the whole table with spirals and crooked lines until the Hangul was undistinguishable in between the mess.
He sighed, wiping the whole thing with his arm. Yunho would be there any minute now, the café he went to was not that far away.
His hyung still slept peacefully under the covers. Changmin had taken his temperature earlier and the fever seemed to be receding. He knew the eldest needed rest more than anything in the world and Changmin would be damned if he did not make sure he got it.
A moment later his phone buzzed in his pocket with a message from Yunho saying he had arrived. Changmin unlocked the elevator for Jaejoong’s floor and waited for Yunho at the door, helping the leader with the bags he was carrying and setting them in the kitchen.
“I brought some orange juice, and cough drops. There’s also a box of ginseng root in there,” Yunho said in one breath. Then more calmly he added, “How’s he doing?”
“Better. Sorry for going against what we had agreed, hyung, but I just couldn’t-“ Changmin started to say.
“No, no, I’m glad you did. He needs to be taken care of, Min,” Yunho shushed him with a reassuring touch to his arm.
Silence hung heavily in the air after that and Changmin took notice of Yunho’s crestfallen expression, the wrinkled eyebrows and the slight downturn of his mouth.
“Are you okay, hyung?”
Yunho looked at Changmin, doubting if he should trouble the youngest with his problems. But then again, Changmin was the only person he could tell about it.
“I just… I can see now why Jaejoong appeared at our doorstep months ago. Hating somebody is so easy but being the receiver of such hate is crippling.”
Yunho paused to sort out his thoughts, his feelings.
“I thought I was prepared to face Yoochun, Changmin-ah, but to see the loathing in his eyes when he told me to leave Jaejoong alone was more than I could take. I wasn’t expecting anything else but it still made me so angry, at myself mainly. But at him too, because even though I know he’s right I don’t need to, don’t want to listen to him say it. What kind of monster have I become?”
Changmin watched as his hyung hid his face behind his palms, an anguished noise creeping through the gaps of his fingers. Jung Yunho, model son, model leader and model human-being had finally fucked-up and it was destroying him inside.
“Come here,” Changmin said and wrapped his arms around Yunho.
“What-“, Yunho began to ask in confusion, but wrapped his arms around Changmin’s waist nonetheless, head cradled against the maknae’s chest, the rise and fall of his ribcage lulling him to a momentary calm.
“Don’t be so strong all the time. Even you need a hug sometimes, hyung,” Changmin muttered against Yunho’s hair.
The older man trembled slightly in Changmin’s hold but no wetness stained his shirt and Changmin realized Yunho was not going to cry this time.
“It’s so unlike you to do this,” Yunho mumbled, face pressed on Changmin’s shirt, the latter feeling the upwards stretch of lips through the thin barrier of his shirt.
Changmin tried to keep a smile from breaking on his face to no success. “I know, so you better shut up and enjoy it.”
Yunho smiled. “Thanks.”
“You’re welcome,” replied Changmin.
They parted with an awkward gesture and clearing their throats. They decided they should order some chicken soup for Jaejoong since neither of them felt they could make one from scratch. Yunho went through the restaurant section of the phonebook while Changmin went to look through the refrigerator, see if Jaejoong had anything they could eat. What he found caused a knot to form on his throat.
“Hyung, come here,” he called for Yunho, guilt dripping from his voice.
Yunho dropped the phonebook on the kitchen table and went to see what the maknae wanted to show him. He approached the refrigerator and gasped. At least half of it was filled with containers up to the brim with different dishes, all of them labeled with Changmin’s name.
“No wonder he forgot to feed himself when he was more worried about feeding me,” the youngest said bitterly.
Yunho was lost for words. He wondered if there was anything that could be said anyways. He watched unmoving as Changmin took one of the containers and set it on the kitchen counter, closing the fridge door afterwards.
“What are you doing?” he finally asked.
“Jaejoong-hyung’s efforts shouldn’t go to waste,” he said while he placed the container inside the microwave to heat.
Changmin refused to look at Yunho but the leader did not miss the quiet sniff and the swift moment of Changmin’s hand when he wiped away a stray tear.
“We’re going to make it up to Jae-hyung real big, right Hyung?” he asked in time with the beeping of the microwave, signaling the food was ready.
Yunho’s eyes softened.
“Of course, Changmin-ah.”
♦♦♦♦♦
Jaejoong felt the pull of consciousness in the form of gentle caresses on his hair. The soothing touches moved down to his face and he scrunched it up, trying to escape the tickling sensation and go back to the feathery oblivion of sleep.
“Wake up, Joongie,” a familiar voice said, one he could not place in the stupor that still clung to his brain making his every thought slow and lethargic.
He mumbled something in a questioning tone, whatever he had intended to say was unknown even to him.
“It’s me, Yunho,” the voice said and when he opened his eyes he confirmed it, coming face to face with his once leader. “Come on, time for lunch.”
Yunho set the tray aside and placed his palm on Jaejoong’s forehead after carefully removing the damp towel. Jaejoong closed his eyes at the touch while Yunho felt for any warmness that could signify he still had a fever.
“It seems your fever is gone,” he said, touching Jaejoong’s cheeks for good measure before his attention went back to the tray he brought with him.
“I’m not hungry,” Jaejoong protested weakly but Yunho was already helping him sit up against the headboard, putting pillows between him and the hard surface.
The tray was placed on his lap and he could see that they had gotten him chicken soup. Yunho dropped the spoon inside the bowl, stirring it around.
“You still have to eat something. Say ‘aaah’,” Yunho said childishly pressing a spoonful of soup against Jaejoong’s lips after blowing on it a couple of times to get rid of the excess heat.
Jaejoong had no strength to argue so he opened his mouth and chewed on the bits of rice and chicken in the warm broth. As soon as he swallowed Yunho was pressing the spoon against his lips once again.
“I can feed myself,” Jaejoong argued between bites.
“But I want to spoil you,” Yunho countered with a smile.
Jaejoong looked at Yunho like he had grown three heads but allowed to be fed anyways. His mind was going around in circles though, worsening the headache he already felt. He did not know what to think of his ex-band mates’ behavior. He was beyond confused and wished Yunho and Changmin would just make up their damn minds and spare him the emotional drain he felt whenever he met those two.
Truth was he was going mad with everything that was going on: the lawsuit, JYJ’s promotions, the fight against broadcasting stations and the unconventional relationship he had with the remaining members of Dong Bang Shin Ki. He wondered if ‘relationship’ was the proper term for what they had. ‘Agreement’ probably suited the whole situation better.
Perhaps asking Changmin to come had been a mistake and he berated himself mentally for making stupid decisions whenever he felt vulnerable. There was no going back on his words now, though, and so he allowed himself the attention stopping the usual over-thinking that came with it.
Half-way through the bowl of soup he turned his head away, mumbling something about being full. His stomach was starting to feel queasy, probably because he had not eaten in at least a day, and he did not want to force it.
Yunho was patient with him and did not make him eat more. He handed him two pills and he downed them with a glass of orange juice.
“Yunho?” Jaejoong said, teeth worrying over a dry lower lip.
“What is it?” the other man said calmly.
“Why-“ Jaejoong started to say but the sound of the apartment’s door opening and loud voices coming from outside the bedroom interrupted him. Both men faced the door and waited, ears strained to catch any more noises.
“Shit, hyung don’t be like this,” someone who sounded like Changmin said as steps sounded closer and closer. “Think of Jaejoong-hyung.”
“That’s all I’ve been doing for the last couple of months, unlike you and Yunho-hyung. Now move.”
That definitely sounded like Junsu.
There was a moment of silence after that. Not even a sound from the two men in the room could be heard and Yunho noticed he had been holding his breath in anticipation. In a second the door to the bedroom was pushed open revealing a livid Junsu whose eyes narrowed when spotted Yunho sitting next to Jaejoong on the bed. Yunho could not say he had ever seen Junsu so angry in his entire life.
“You are here too? I thought Yoochun told you to stay away from Jaejoong-hyung. Now leave,” he told Yunho coldly and went to stand next to the door, a clear indication that the other two had free way to get themselves through it.
Yunho’s eyes hardened as he looked at Junsu. He was ready to fight for his right to stay with Jaejoong even when Junsu and Yoochun did not want him being close to their ex-band mate anymore. Changmin appeared behind Junsu with a troubled expression, his eyes asking Yunho about what they should do.
“I will not leave unless Jaejoong tells me to,” he said defiantly, daring Junsu to say something against that. Only Jaejoong would push him out of his life, no one else.
“Tell them to leave, hyung,” Junsu said to Jaejoong his tone softening considerably when addressing the eldest.
In turn, Jaejoong refused to look at any of them. His head was thrown down, long bangs obscuring his eyes while his fingers were busy playing with a lose thread on his bedspread.
“Joongie?” Yunho tried, hopeful.
At last Jaejoong spoke but what came out of his lips hit Yunho like a bucket of cold water. What he said was definitely not what Yunho wanted to hear and both Yunho’s and Changmin’s eyes widened in mixed surprise and hurt.
“He’s right, you should leave.”
♦♦♦♦♦
Yunho and Changmin did not hear from Jaejoong for the rest of the month. He was not answering their calls or their texts and his presence was definitely missed. With Jaejoong suddenly disappearing from their lives for the second time their moods dampened and they became irritable, constantly fighting among themselves, wanting to take their frustration on the other. Changmin stopped eating, claiming he was sick of take-out, and it showed on the sharp angles of his face. The stylists loved his new lightness, but they could not say the same about Yunho. His face looked haggard, as if he had aged ten years in a couple of weeks and there was a permanent thin line where his smile used to be.
“Your turn,” Changmin told him coldly, walking back to the dressing room after his individual photos were taken.
“You should really stop it with the attitude,” Yunho said, eyes glued to the game on his phone. “It’s not my fault Jaejoong is not replying.”
Changmin stopped on his tracks, turning to look at Yunho. “But it is your fault, hyung.”
Yunho stood from his chair, furious, and was suddenly standing a hair’s breath away from Changmin. “You seem to forget you were there too, dongsaeng. It’s not like I forced you.”
“You mean like you forced Jaejoong-hyung?” Changmin retorted before a fist came swinging at his face, the force of the blow throwing his head to the side.
With a growl, Changmin swung back, hitting Yunho square on the lip, splitting the flesh and causing it to bleed. He swung again but Yunho had martial art training and avoided Changmin’s blow while at the same time knocking his legs from under him.
As he fell, Changmin tried to grab a chair to keep his balance but he only managed to topple it over, the ruckus alerting the staff. They started pouring into the room through the door while the two members rolled on the floor, trying to gain the upper hand and hurt the other one as much as possible.
Eventually two burly security guys pulled them apart, holding them back by the arms when they had every intention of returning to the fight until they caused serious damage to the other.
“What the fuck is wrong with you two?!” their manager screeched between them, his eyes going from Yunho’s bleeding lip to Changmin’s swollen eye. “You are grown men, not a pair of juvenile thugs!”
“And you,” the manager turned towards Yunho. “You’re supposed to be more responsible than this, Yunho. You can’t finish the photoshoot like that. Aish!”
Their manager stormed off and Changmin was taken to another room to cool down. A stylist noona arrived with a first-aid kit and started rubbing ointment on the swollen skin around his eye. He figured Yunho was getting some of the same treatment in the dressing room.
“He has never acted like this before. I don’t even know what you said to him to get him so worked up,” she said. “This won’t be healed in at least a week.”
Changmin winced when she pressed a bit too hard on a tender spot, but said nothing.
>>
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: boyxboy, mature content.
Summary: Jaejoong wants to be forgiven for leaving HoMin and they know what they want as retribution.
A/N: I deserve to be butchered, I know. Also, the pairing poll is closed now. Enjoy~
Changmin traced patterns on the dusty surface of Jaejoong’s bedside table. The movie had long since ended and Changmin could not find enough motivation in him to download another. His index finger moved making a curve, then another. He drew a heart, then broke it with a line zigzagging in the middle and then ran his palm over it wiping it out with a mental reprimand that he was acting like a girl.
Yunho had called minutes before and Changmin noted his voice sounded strained; a weird mix of cooling anger and held-back tears. Thinking about it, Changmin seldom saw Yunho cry. He wondered what had gotten the other man so worked up that his emotions threatened to spill through the cracks of his carefully constructed demeanor of strength and stability.
And then he remembered it. Yunho had been with Yoochun that morning.
Over the smudge where the heart had been he traced Yunho’s name, then Jaejoong’s, then his. He connected them with looping lines of dust-less surface flowing around the names, covering the whole table with spirals and crooked lines until the Hangul was undistinguishable in between the mess.
He sighed, wiping the whole thing with his arm. Yunho would be there any minute now, the café he went to was not that far away.
His hyung still slept peacefully under the covers. Changmin had taken his temperature earlier and the fever seemed to be receding. He knew the eldest needed rest more than anything in the world and Changmin would be damned if he did not make sure he got it.
A moment later his phone buzzed in his pocket with a message from Yunho saying he had arrived. Changmin unlocked the elevator for Jaejoong’s floor and waited for Yunho at the door, helping the leader with the bags he was carrying and setting them in the kitchen.
“I brought some orange juice, and cough drops. There’s also a box of ginseng root in there,” Yunho said in one breath. Then more calmly he added, “How’s he doing?”
“Better. Sorry for going against what we had agreed, hyung, but I just couldn’t-“ Changmin started to say.
“No, no, I’m glad you did. He needs to be taken care of, Min,” Yunho shushed him with a reassuring touch to his arm.
Silence hung heavily in the air after that and Changmin took notice of Yunho’s crestfallen expression, the wrinkled eyebrows and the slight downturn of his mouth.
“Are you okay, hyung?”
Yunho looked at Changmin, doubting if he should trouble the youngest with his problems. But then again, Changmin was the only person he could tell about it.
“I just… I can see now why Jaejoong appeared at our doorstep months ago. Hating somebody is so easy but being the receiver of such hate is crippling.”
Yunho paused to sort out his thoughts, his feelings.
“I thought I was prepared to face Yoochun, Changmin-ah, but to see the loathing in his eyes when he told me to leave Jaejoong alone was more than I could take. I wasn’t expecting anything else but it still made me so angry, at myself mainly. But at him too, because even though I know he’s right I don’t need to, don’t want to listen to him say it. What kind of monster have I become?”
Changmin watched as his hyung hid his face behind his palms, an anguished noise creeping through the gaps of his fingers. Jung Yunho, model son, model leader and model human-being had finally fucked-up and it was destroying him inside.
“Come here,” Changmin said and wrapped his arms around Yunho.
“What-“, Yunho began to ask in confusion, but wrapped his arms around Changmin’s waist nonetheless, head cradled against the maknae’s chest, the rise and fall of his ribcage lulling him to a momentary calm.
“Don’t be so strong all the time. Even you need a hug sometimes, hyung,” Changmin muttered against Yunho’s hair.
The older man trembled slightly in Changmin’s hold but no wetness stained his shirt and Changmin realized Yunho was not going to cry this time.
“It’s so unlike you to do this,” Yunho mumbled, face pressed on Changmin’s shirt, the latter feeling the upwards stretch of lips through the thin barrier of his shirt.
Changmin tried to keep a smile from breaking on his face to no success. “I know, so you better shut up and enjoy it.”
Yunho smiled. “Thanks.”
“You’re welcome,” replied Changmin.
They parted with an awkward gesture and clearing their throats. They decided they should order some chicken soup for Jaejoong since neither of them felt they could make one from scratch. Yunho went through the restaurant section of the phonebook while Changmin went to look through the refrigerator, see if Jaejoong had anything they could eat. What he found caused a knot to form on his throat.
“Hyung, come here,” he called for Yunho, guilt dripping from his voice.
Yunho dropped the phonebook on the kitchen table and went to see what the maknae wanted to show him. He approached the refrigerator and gasped. At least half of it was filled with containers up to the brim with different dishes, all of them labeled with Changmin’s name.
“No wonder he forgot to feed himself when he was more worried about feeding me,” the youngest said bitterly.
Yunho was lost for words. He wondered if there was anything that could be said anyways. He watched unmoving as Changmin took one of the containers and set it on the kitchen counter, closing the fridge door afterwards.
“What are you doing?” he finally asked.
“Jaejoong-hyung’s efforts shouldn’t go to waste,” he said while he placed the container inside the microwave to heat.
Changmin refused to look at Yunho but the leader did not miss the quiet sniff and the swift moment of Changmin’s hand when he wiped away a stray tear.
“We’re going to make it up to Jae-hyung real big, right Hyung?” he asked in time with the beeping of the microwave, signaling the food was ready.
Yunho’s eyes softened.
“Of course, Changmin-ah.”
♦♦♦♦♦
Jaejoong felt the pull of consciousness in the form of gentle caresses on his hair. The soothing touches moved down to his face and he scrunched it up, trying to escape the tickling sensation and go back to the feathery oblivion of sleep.
“Wake up, Joongie,” a familiar voice said, one he could not place in the stupor that still clung to his brain making his every thought slow and lethargic.
He mumbled something in a questioning tone, whatever he had intended to say was unknown even to him.
“It’s me, Yunho,” the voice said and when he opened his eyes he confirmed it, coming face to face with his once leader. “Come on, time for lunch.”
Yunho set the tray aside and placed his palm on Jaejoong’s forehead after carefully removing the damp towel. Jaejoong closed his eyes at the touch while Yunho felt for any warmness that could signify he still had a fever.
“It seems your fever is gone,” he said, touching Jaejoong’s cheeks for good measure before his attention went back to the tray he brought with him.
“I’m not hungry,” Jaejoong protested weakly but Yunho was already helping him sit up against the headboard, putting pillows between him and the hard surface.
The tray was placed on his lap and he could see that they had gotten him chicken soup. Yunho dropped the spoon inside the bowl, stirring it around.
“You still have to eat something. Say ‘aaah’,” Yunho said childishly pressing a spoonful of soup against Jaejoong’s lips after blowing on it a couple of times to get rid of the excess heat.
Jaejoong had no strength to argue so he opened his mouth and chewed on the bits of rice and chicken in the warm broth. As soon as he swallowed Yunho was pressing the spoon against his lips once again.
“I can feed myself,” Jaejoong argued between bites.
“But I want to spoil you,” Yunho countered with a smile.
Jaejoong looked at Yunho like he had grown three heads but allowed to be fed anyways. His mind was going around in circles though, worsening the headache he already felt. He did not know what to think of his ex-band mates’ behavior. He was beyond confused and wished Yunho and Changmin would just make up their damn minds and spare him the emotional drain he felt whenever he met those two.
Truth was he was going mad with everything that was going on: the lawsuit, JYJ’s promotions, the fight against broadcasting stations and the unconventional relationship he had with the remaining members of Dong Bang Shin Ki. He wondered if ‘relationship’ was the proper term for what they had. ‘Agreement’ probably suited the whole situation better.
Perhaps asking Changmin to come had been a mistake and he berated himself mentally for making stupid decisions whenever he felt vulnerable. There was no going back on his words now, though, and so he allowed himself the attention stopping the usual over-thinking that came with it.
Half-way through the bowl of soup he turned his head away, mumbling something about being full. His stomach was starting to feel queasy, probably because he had not eaten in at least a day, and he did not want to force it.
Yunho was patient with him and did not make him eat more. He handed him two pills and he downed them with a glass of orange juice.
“Yunho?” Jaejoong said, teeth worrying over a dry lower lip.
“What is it?” the other man said calmly.
“Why-“ Jaejoong started to say but the sound of the apartment’s door opening and loud voices coming from outside the bedroom interrupted him. Both men faced the door and waited, ears strained to catch any more noises.
“Shit, hyung don’t be like this,” someone who sounded like Changmin said as steps sounded closer and closer. “Think of Jaejoong-hyung.”
“That’s all I’ve been doing for the last couple of months, unlike you and Yunho-hyung. Now move.”
That definitely sounded like Junsu.
There was a moment of silence after that. Not even a sound from the two men in the room could be heard and Yunho noticed he had been holding his breath in anticipation. In a second the door to the bedroom was pushed open revealing a livid Junsu whose eyes narrowed when spotted Yunho sitting next to Jaejoong on the bed. Yunho could not say he had ever seen Junsu so angry in his entire life.
“You are here too? I thought Yoochun told you to stay away from Jaejoong-hyung. Now leave,” he told Yunho coldly and went to stand next to the door, a clear indication that the other two had free way to get themselves through it.
Yunho’s eyes hardened as he looked at Junsu. He was ready to fight for his right to stay with Jaejoong even when Junsu and Yoochun did not want him being close to their ex-band mate anymore. Changmin appeared behind Junsu with a troubled expression, his eyes asking Yunho about what they should do.
“I will not leave unless Jaejoong tells me to,” he said defiantly, daring Junsu to say something against that. Only Jaejoong would push him out of his life, no one else.
“Tell them to leave, hyung,” Junsu said to Jaejoong his tone softening considerably when addressing the eldest.
In turn, Jaejoong refused to look at any of them. His head was thrown down, long bangs obscuring his eyes while his fingers were busy playing with a lose thread on his bedspread.
“Joongie?” Yunho tried, hopeful.
At last Jaejoong spoke but what came out of his lips hit Yunho like a bucket of cold water. What he said was definitely not what Yunho wanted to hear and both Yunho’s and Changmin’s eyes widened in mixed surprise and hurt.
“He’s right, you should leave.”
♦♦♦♦♦
Yunho and Changmin did not hear from Jaejoong for the rest of the month. He was not answering their calls or their texts and his presence was definitely missed. With Jaejoong suddenly disappearing from their lives for the second time their moods dampened and they became irritable, constantly fighting among themselves, wanting to take their frustration on the other. Changmin stopped eating, claiming he was sick of take-out, and it showed on the sharp angles of his face. The stylists loved his new lightness, but they could not say the same about Yunho. His face looked haggard, as if he had aged ten years in a couple of weeks and there was a permanent thin line where his smile used to be.
“Your turn,” Changmin told him coldly, walking back to the dressing room after his individual photos were taken.
“You should really stop it with the attitude,” Yunho said, eyes glued to the game on his phone. “It’s not my fault Jaejoong is not replying.”
Changmin stopped on his tracks, turning to look at Yunho. “But it is your fault, hyung.”
Yunho stood from his chair, furious, and was suddenly standing a hair’s breath away from Changmin. “You seem to forget you were there too, dongsaeng. It’s not like I forced you.”
“You mean like you forced Jaejoong-hyung?” Changmin retorted before a fist came swinging at his face, the force of the blow throwing his head to the side.
With a growl, Changmin swung back, hitting Yunho square on the lip, splitting the flesh and causing it to bleed. He swung again but Yunho had martial art training and avoided Changmin’s blow while at the same time knocking his legs from under him.
As he fell, Changmin tried to grab a chair to keep his balance but he only managed to topple it over, the ruckus alerting the staff. They started pouring into the room through the door while the two members rolled on the floor, trying to gain the upper hand and hurt the other one as much as possible.
Eventually two burly security guys pulled them apart, holding them back by the arms when they had every intention of returning to the fight until they caused serious damage to the other.
“What the fuck is wrong with you two?!” their manager screeched between them, his eyes going from Yunho’s bleeding lip to Changmin’s swollen eye. “You are grown men, not a pair of juvenile thugs!”
“And you,” the manager turned towards Yunho. “You’re supposed to be more responsible than this, Yunho. You can’t finish the photoshoot like that. Aish!”
Their manager stormed off and Changmin was taken to another room to cool down. A stylist noona arrived with a first-aid kit and started rubbing ointment on the swollen skin around his eye. He figured Yunho was getting some of the same treatment in the dressing room.
“He has never acted like this before. I don’t even know what you said to him to get him so worked up,” she said. “This won’t be healed in at least a week.”
Changmin winced when she pressed a bit too hard on a tender spot, but said nothing.
>>