Keep Your Head Down [5]
Pairings: YunJaeMin
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: boyxboy, mature content.
Summary: Jaejoong wants to be forgiven for leaving HoMin and they know what they want as retribution.
A/N: I'm sorry for the long wait. Enjoy!
When Jaejoong woke up he was curled up in Yunho’s bed, covers pulled up to his nose. The headache that greeted him as soon as he was conscious was of no surprise but he did not expect to feel like a train had run him over and then went back over him multiple times. He knew his eyes were puffy from all the crying he did last night - good thing he did not have to make any public appearances that day.
Fighting against the pounding in his temples he tossed his legs out from under the covers and sat on the edge of the bed, noticing someone had dressed him in a pair of sleeping pants sometime after he fell asleep. He groaned as he tried to stand up. Everything hurt; his body ached, his head throbbed and his chest felt painfully hollow where his heart was.
When he was finally standing he looked around the room while running his hands through his already messy hair -the strands shiny with grease and peppered with salt from the dried sweat from the concert. The room was in its normal unkempt state (Yunho was never an organized person) and silence permeated the place making Jaejoong dreadfully aware of the fact that he was alone.
Upon a more careful inspection of the room after taking a piss in the adjacent bathroom, Jaejoong found his clothes neatly folded on the swiveling chair for the desk, a note on top of them with a simple message:
Go Home.
He dressed slowly, almost like he did not want to leave. Leaving meant facing the consequences to his actions the day before and he was not sure he was ready for that. He laid on the bed after getting dressed, reading and re-reading the note over and over again in different voices; first Yunho’s, then Changmin’s, then Junsu’s and finally in Yoochun’s voice. He did not want to face Yoochun. He wanted a cigarette and a shower and to forget about the world.
The drive home was a quiet affair since Jaejoong could not find a radio station playing songs that fitted his mood. Not trusting his reflexes, he drove slowly until he reached his spot in the underground parking lot of the apartment building. The wheels of his expensive car made screeching sounds against the concrete of the lot as he parked it, disturbing the otherwise peaceful silence in the dark space.
For a moment he just sat there, feeling confused. Were Yunho and Changmin upset with him too? He screamed, frustrated, and hit the steering wheel only to jump moments later at the loud honking noise. Rubbing the heel of his hand against his eye he turned off the engine and made his way to his apartment, wishing he had his phone with him.
After a shower that left his limbs feeling heavier than before, Jaejoong approached the long, black leather couch in his living room and threw himself on it. A drawn-out breath left his mouth as he threw a pillow under his head and an arm over his eyes.
He was getting drowsy and feeling if only slightly more relaxed than the day before while the warm leather caused his shirt to stick to his back. He felt himself slip into unconsciousness as images of Dong Bang Shin Ki with five members flashed behind his closed eyelids only to be rapidly replaced by Changmin’s cold words and Yunho’s indifferent glances. The scene shifted again and he was back on the floor of their room backstage, nursing a stinging cheek while Junsu watched him with an unreadable face.
A cold touch against his cheek had him jerking away from the nightmare only to come face to face with the last person he had seen in his dream. He sat up too fast regretting it moments later when a wave of nausea crept up into his belly and the back of his throat.
“Junsu…” Jaejoong whispered, willing the nausea down and rubbing traces of sleep away from his eyes; mind still too foggy to comprehend why his band mate was there and wasn’t Junsu mad at him? He was just glad it was not Yoochun.
“You’re really warm, hyung. I think you are getting sick,” Junsu pressed his palm against his forehead while feeling his own with his other hand.
Jaejoong’s mind did not register Junsu’s absence until the latter was back to his side, holding a pill under his face and a glass of water was being pressed against his hand.
“Take this, it’ll help.”
Jaejoong knocked the pain killer back and swallowed half of the water in one go.
“Junsu-yah…” he started to say but Junsu put his fingers against his lips, shushing him.
“Let’s talk over some coffee, okay?” Junsu offered.
♦♦♦♦♦
They ended up staying in Jaejoong’s apartment when he almost fell trying to stand from the couch.
Junsu waited next to the coffee machine, watching as the brown liquid dripped slowly to the glass container under it while Jaejoong sat on a kitchen stool. The painkiller was slowly working its effect on his beaten body and making him more lucid although not by much.
When the machine beeped signaling it was running out of water Junsu turned it off and served the coffee in two mismatched mugs-gifts from their fans hastily grabbed before their staff got rid of the rest.
“This one's for you,” Junsu said as he handed him one of the mugs and went to sit across from him on another stool.
For a moment neither spoke, too focused on their drinks (or pretending to be) to acknowledge the other. Jaejoong stared at his coffee; the bitter drink was now mixed with milk and sugar inside a faded red porcelain mug with a w engraved on it. He fingered the sharp edges of the letter until the heat from the liquid inside seeped through the painted material and burned his fingers.
“Sorry for hitting you,” Junsu blurted out, making Jaejoong look up in surprise.
“I… it’s okay. I was acting like a madman anyways,” Jaejoong offered. “I should be the one apologizing.”
Junsu nodded and they lapsed into silence again.
Jaejoong took a tentative sip out of his mug. The drink was still too hot and it scalded his tongue but the warmth that dropped all the way to his belly it felt almost comforting. The silence was killing him though, so he was grateful when Junsu decided to speak again even if the question was unexpected.
“How are Yunho and Changmin?”
“Fine, I guess. They’ve been really busy lately.” Jaejoong tried not to let the heartbreak at not finding the two men in the morning get into his voice.
He swallowed, noticing how Junsu refused to meet his eyes.
“It’s not all that bad, Junsu-yah,” he added upon seeing the younger man’s troubled expression and the unspoken question written all over his face.
“I just don’t see how they are worth it after what they’ve done to you,” Junsu hurried to take a drink from his mug, avoiding Jaejoong’s hurt eyes.
“I’d go to hell and back for them, Junsu-yah,” Jaejoong replied in a small but composed voice. “I’d withstand any pain for you and Yoochun, too.”
Junsu raised his head and for the first time since they had been talking he looked at Jaejoong; really looked at him. A calm smile grazed his lips while his eyes still held that tired look of dying embers. Junsu thought it looked heartbreaking.
“You’re killing yourself for them, Jaejoong-hyung. That much I understand,” Junsu dead-panned, “Just remember you are part of another group now, and that group needs you and your strength. Don’t give your all to a past that is long gone now.”
Jaejoong felt every stab of Junsu’s words pierce his already battered heart. Deep inside he knew the younger man was right but that did not mean Jaejoong wanted to accept it. He was sure he could have still saved his relationship with Yunho and Changmin before Yoochun started meddling. Now he did not know what to do.
“Here.”
Jaejoong was brought back from his thoughts when Junsu placed his cell phone on the table between them.
“The battery is dead so you better charge it,” Junsu said as Jaejoong picked the small device, rubbing his thumb over the screen.
Junsu stood up to leave, grabbing his mug and setting it in the sink. He heard a chair being pushed back and before he knew it he had an armful of Jaejoong pressed against his chest.
“I’m sorry, Junsu-yah,” Jaejoong said, arms wrapping even tighter around the younger singer’s shoulders.
Junsu wrapped one arm around Jaejoong, the fingers of the other hand threading through Jaejoong’s hair; too many dye-jobs and hot tools had turned it into a thin and dry mess but it was still soft to the touch.
“You’re a mess, hyung,” Junsu said, but held Jaejoong regardless.
♦♦♦♦♦
A few minutes later, Jaejoong found himself coaxing a fretting Junsu to leave. Junsu insisted on staying to look after the sick member but Jaejoong would have none of that.
“Are you sure you’ll be okay?” Junsu asked, teeth digging into his bottom lip and brows furrowing. He was putting his shoes on slowly, hoping Jaejoong would drop that stubborn streak of his and allow someone to take care of him.
“We have nursed colds between airplane rides, I’m sure I’ll be fine at home,” Jaejoong replied. “Besides, didn’t you say you were going to have lunch with your parents? I’m sure they miss you.”
Junsu merely nodded when he realized he could not stall with the laces of his sneakers any longer.
“Take care,” he said before closing the door behind him.
Jaejoong quickly ran to the closed door, pressing his ear against it to listen to Junsu’s receding steps. When he heard the elevator doors open and close seconds later he sprinted back to his bedroom ignoring the exhausted feeling that came with the short race.
Fumbling through his dresser drawers his fingers tangled on the black cord of his phone charger, yanking it out of the drawer and plugging it to the electric outlet and to his phone.
The silly music the phone made when it turned on greeted him and he slammed his fingers on the keys, hoping it would start up faster. The loading screen seemed to take ages to disappear and when he finally had the ‘new text message’ option open he started typing hastily only to delete everything as quick as he had typed it.
He wanted to call either Yunho or Changmin but he knew that was not a good idea. He started typing again.
To: Yunho, Changmin
Message: Can we talk?
He waited for an immediate response; however, after five minutes none came. In his desperation he searched for Yunho’s number in his phone and pressed ‘call’. It rang once, twice, thrice…. Then it stopped. Yunho was ignoring him, he thought angrily and a bit worried.
Next was Changmin’s number but the maknae did not even have his phone turned on. Jaejoong screamed in frustration and tossed his phone on the bed. He weakly stumbled towards it and gingerly grabbed it again. His headache returned tenfold so he went to lay on the soft surface.
He wanted to call again but knew it was of no use; he’ll just be ignored again. Throwing a hand over his burning forehead he briefly remembered leaving the medicine on the kitchen table and before he could muster the strength to retrieve it he passed out; the tight grip on his phone loosened as his mind submitted itself to the darkness.
♦♦♦♦♦
Yunho pushed his sunglasses farther up his nose, scanning the almost empty café for any unwanted attention. He stirred his drink with a thin straw-overpriced ice and low-quality coffee and milk mixed together inside a plastic cup-while looking at his watch. He knew it was unfair to say the other man was late since he had arrived early but if he did not arrive in two minutes he was leaving.
He was brought back from his thoughts when his phone vibrated on top of the table, signaling he received a message.
“Who’s that from?”
Yunho jumped from the voice just as his ex-band member sat on the chair opposite to him. Yoochun’s face was also hidden behind a hood and dark sunglasses but he was quick to take them off, offering his easy-natured smile which Yunho would gladly punch off his face.
He wanted to answer “none of your business” to the other man’s question but it was not the moment to be unpleasant. They had things to discuss.
“Jaejoong,” he said, tight-lipped as he read through the message.
“Don’t reply to him. He gets very persistent,” Yoochun said. "And where is Changmin?"
"He couldn't make it." Yunho settled the phone back on the table and took his glasses off as well. It was only fair that they talked face to face.
He waited for Yoochun to start talking again but the man across from him focused on his own drink, taking off the plastic lid of the Styrofoam container so his coffee would cool down to drinkable temperature.
“How have you guys been?” Yoochun asked politely after a minute filled with awkward silence.
“Alright, but I’m sure it’s not about Changmin and I that we’re going to talk about,” Yunho replied.
“You’re righ-ah, see? I told you he’s persistent,” Yoochun said when Yunho’s phone started ringing.
Yunho refrained from saying something nasty to Yoochun by grabbing his phone and pressing the ‘ignore’ button. He knew Jaejoong was persistent when ignored; he lived with him for five years as well! He did not need Yoochun telling him about Jaejoong as if he were a stranger.
Yunho shoved his phone back into his pocket, hoping it would not disturb them anymore. “You want to talk about Jaejoong, right? So talk.”
Yoochun looked directly at Yunho’s eyes and the easy-going expression was changed to a serious one; the intensity behind his gaze threatening.
“I don’t want Jaejoong going to you two anymore.”
>>
___________________________________________________
Anyone else hates this chapter as much as I do? It took me ages to write it because I was no inspired at all! But I owed you guys an update since eons ago so yeah.... (busy life has been busy, sorry T-T). Sorry about the awkward-sounding parts. I'm getting rusty....
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: boyxboy, mature content.
Summary: Jaejoong wants to be forgiven for leaving HoMin and they know what they want as retribution.
A/N: I'm sorry for the long wait. Enjoy!
When Jaejoong woke up he was curled up in Yunho’s bed, covers pulled up to his nose. The headache that greeted him as soon as he was conscious was of no surprise but he did not expect to feel like a train had run him over and then went back over him multiple times. He knew his eyes were puffy from all the crying he did last night - good thing he did not have to make any public appearances that day.
Fighting against the pounding in his temples he tossed his legs out from under the covers and sat on the edge of the bed, noticing someone had dressed him in a pair of sleeping pants sometime after he fell asleep. He groaned as he tried to stand up. Everything hurt; his body ached, his head throbbed and his chest felt painfully hollow where his heart was.
When he was finally standing he looked around the room while running his hands through his already messy hair -the strands shiny with grease and peppered with salt from the dried sweat from the concert. The room was in its normal unkempt state (Yunho was never an organized person) and silence permeated the place making Jaejoong dreadfully aware of the fact that he was alone.
Upon a more careful inspection of the room after taking a piss in the adjacent bathroom, Jaejoong found his clothes neatly folded on the swiveling chair for the desk, a note on top of them with a simple message:
Go Home.
He dressed slowly, almost like he did not want to leave. Leaving meant facing the consequences to his actions the day before and he was not sure he was ready for that. He laid on the bed after getting dressed, reading and re-reading the note over and over again in different voices; first Yunho’s, then Changmin’s, then Junsu’s and finally in Yoochun’s voice. He did not want to face Yoochun. He wanted a cigarette and a shower and to forget about the world.
The drive home was a quiet affair since Jaejoong could not find a radio station playing songs that fitted his mood. Not trusting his reflexes, he drove slowly until he reached his spot in the underground parking lot of the apartment building. The wheels of his expensive car made screeching sounds against the concrete of the lot as he parked it, disturbing the otherwise peaceful silence in the dark space.
For a moment he just sat there, feeling confused. Were Yunho and Changmin upset with him too? He screamed, frustrated, and hit the steering wheel only to jump moments later at the loud honking noise. Rubbing the heel of his hand against his eye he turned off the engine and made his way to his apartment, wishing he had his phone with him.
After a shower that left his limbs feeling heavier than before, Jaejoong approached the long, black leather couch in his living room and threw himself on it. A drawn-out breath left his mouth as he threw a pillow under his head and an arm over his eyes.
He was getting drowsy and feeling if only slightly more relaxed than the day before while the warm leather caused his shirt to stick to his back. He felt himself slip into unconsciousness as images of Dong Bang Shin Ki with five members flashed behind his closed eyelids only to be rapidly replaced by Changmin’s cold words and Yunho’s indifferent glances. The scene shifted again and he was back on the floor of their room backstage, nursing a stinging cheek while Junsu watched him with an unreadable face.
A cold touch against his cheek had him jerking away from the nightmare only to come face to face with the last person he had seen in his dream. He sat up too fast regretting it moments later when a wave of nausea crept up into his belly and the back of his throat.
“Junsu…” Jaejoong whispered, willing the nausea down and rubbing traces of sleep away from his eyes; mind still too foggy to comprehend why his band mate was there and wasn’t Junsu mad at him? He was just glad it was not Yoochun.
“You’re really warm, hyung. I think you are getting sick,” Junsu pressed his palm against his forehead while feeling his own with his other hand.
Jaejoong’s mind did not register Junsu’s absence until the latter was back to his side, holding a pill under his face and a glass of water was being pressed against his hand.
“Take this, it’ll help.”
Jaejoong knocked the pain killer back and swallowed half of the water in one go.
“Junsu-yah…” he started to say but Junsu put his fingers against his lips, shushing him.
“Let’s talk over some coffee, okay?” Junsu offered.
♦♦♦♦♦
They ended up staying in Jaejoong’s apartment when he almost fell trying to stand from the couch.
Junsu waited next to the coffee machine, watching as the brown liquid dripped slowly to the glass container under it while Jaejoong sat on a kitchen stool. The painkiller was slowly working its effect on his beaten body and making him more lucid although not by much.
When the machine beeped signaling it was running out of water Junsu turned it off and served the coffee in two mismatched mugs-gifts from their fans hastily grabbed before their staff got rid of the rest.
“This one's for you,” Junsu said as he handed him one of the mugs and went to sit across from him on another stool.
For a moment neither spoke, too focused on their drinks (or pretending to be) to acknowledge the other. Jaejoong stared at his coffee; the bitter drink was now mixed with milk and sugar inside a faded red porcelain mug with a w engraved on it. He fingered the sharp edges of the letter until the heat from the liquid inside seeped through the painted material and burned his fingers.
“Sorry for hitting you,” Junsu blurted out, making Jaejoong look up in surprise.
“I… it’s okay. I was acting like a madman anyways,” Jaejoong offered. “I should be the one apologizing.”
Junsu nodded and they lapsed into silence again.
Jaejoong took a tentative sip out of his mug. The drink was still too hot and it scalded his tongue but the warmth that dropped all the way to his belly it felt almost comforting. The silence was killing him though, so he was grateful when Junsu decided to speak again even if the question was unexpected.
“How are Yunho and Changmin?”
“Fine, I guess. They’ve been really busy lately.” Jaejoong tried not to let the heartbreak at not finding the two men in the morning get into his voice.
He swallowed, noticing how Junsu refused to meet his eyes.
“It’s not all that bad, Junsu-yah,” he added upon seeing the younger man’s troubled expression and the unspoken question written all over his face.
“I just don’t see how they are worth it after what they’ve done to you,” Junsu hurried to take a drink from his mug, avoiding Jaejoong’s hurt eyes.
“I’d go to hell and back for them, Junsu-yah,” Jaejoong replied in a small but composed voice. “I’d withstand any pain for you and Yoochun, too.”
Junsu raised his head and for the first time since they had been talking he looked at Jaejoong; really looked at him. A calm smile grazed his lips while his eyes still held that tired look of dying embers. Junsu thought it looked heartbreaking.
“You’re killing yourself for them, Jaejoong-hyung. That much I understand,” Junsu dead-panned, “Just remember you are part of another group now, and that group needs you and your strength. Don’t give your all to a past that is long gone now.”
Jaejoong felt every stab of Junsu’s words pierce his already battered heart. Deep inside he knew the younger man was right but that did not mean Jaejoong wanted to accept it. He was sure he could have still saved his relationship with Yunho and Changmin before Yoochun started meddling. Now he did not know what to do.
“Here.”
Jaejoong was brought back from his thoughts when Junsu placed his cell phone on the table between them.
“The battery is dead so you better charge it,” Junsu said as Jaejoong picked the small device, rubbing his thumb over the screen.
Junsu stood up to leave, grabbing his mug and setting it in the sink. He heard a chair being pushed back and before he knew it he had an armful of Jaejoong pressed against his chest.
“I’m sorry, Junsu-yah,” Jaejoong said, arms wrapping even tighter around the younger singer’s shoulders.
Junsu wrapped one arm around Jaejoong, the fingers of the other hand threading through Jaejoong’s hair; too many dye-jobs and hot tools had turned it into a thin and dry mess but it was still soft to the touch.
“You’re a mess, hyung,” Junsu said, but held Jaejoong regardless.
♦♦♦♦♦
A few minutes later, Jaejoong found himself coaxing a fretting Junsu to leave. Junsu insisted on staying to look after the sick member but Jaejoong would have none of that.
“Are you sure you’ll be okay?” Junsu asked, teeth digging into his bottom lip and brows furrowing. He was putting his shoes on slowly, hoping Jaejoong would drop that stubborn streak of his and allow someone to take care of him.
“We have nursed colds between airplane rides, I’m sure I’ll be fine at home,” Jaejoong replied. “Besides, didn’t you say you were going to have lunch with your parents? I’m sure they miss you.”
Junsu merely nodded when he realized he could not stall with the laces of his sneakers any longer.
“Take care,” he said before closing the door behind him.
Jaejoong quickly ran to the closed door, pressing his ear against it to listen to Junsu’s receding steps. When he heard the elevator doors open and close seconds later he sprinted back to his bedroom ignoring the exhausted feeling that came with the short race.
Fumbling through his dresser drawers his fingers tangled on the black cord of his phone charger, yanking it out of the drawer and plugging it to the electric outlet and to his phone.
The silly music the phone made when it turned on greeted him and he slammed his fingers on the keys, hoping it would start up faster. The loading screen seemed to take ages to disappear and when he finally had the ‘new text message’ option open he started typing hastily only to delete everything as quick as he had typed it.
He wanted to call either Yunho or Changmin but he knew that was not a good idea. He started typing again.
To: Yunho, Changmin
Message: Can we talk?
He waited for an immediate response; however, after five minutes none came. In his desperation he searched for Yunho’s number in his phone and pressed ‘call’. It rang once, twice, thrice…. Then it stopped. Yunho was ignoring him, he thought angrily and a bit worried.
Next was Changmin’s number but the maknae did not even have his phone turned on. Jaejoong screamed in frustration and tossed his phone on the bed. He weakly stumbled towards it and gingerly grabbed it again. His headache returned tenfold so he went to lay on the soft surface.
He wanted to call again but knew it was of no use; he’ll just be ignored again. Throwing a hand over his burning forehead he briefly remembered leaving the medicine on the kitchen table and before he could muster the strength to retrieve it he passed out; the tight grip on his phone loosened as his mind submitted itself to the darkness.
♦♦♦♦♦
Yunho pushed his sunglasses farther up his nose, scanning the almost empty café for any unwanted attention. He stirred his drink with a thin straw-overpriced ice and low-quality coffee and milk mixed together inside a plastic cup-while looking at his watch. He knew it was unfair to say the other man was late since he had arrived early but if he did not arrive in two minutes he was leaving.
He was brought back from his thoughts when his phone vibrated on top of the table, signaling he received a message.
“Who’s that from?”
Yunho jumped from the voice just as his ex-band member sat on the chair opposite to him. Yoochun’s face was also hidden behind a hood and dark sunglasses but he was quick to take them off, offering his easy-natured smile which Yunho would gladly punch off his face.
He wanted to answer “none of your business” to the other man’s question but it was not the moment to be unpleasant. They had things to discuss.
“Jaejoong,” he said, tight-lipped as he read through the message.
“Don’t reply to him. He gets very persistent,” Yoochun said. "And where is Changmin?"
"He couldn't make it." Yunho settled the phone back on the table and took his glasses off as well. It was only fair that they talked face to face.
He waited for Yoochun to start talking again but the man across from him focused on his own drink, taking off the plastic lid of the Styrofoam container so his coffee would cool down to drinkable temperature.
“How have you guys been?” Yoochun asked politely after a minute filled with awkward silence.
“Alright, but I’m sure it’s not about Changmin and I that we’re going to talk about,” Yunho replied.
“You’re righ-ah, see? I told you he’s persistent,” Yoochun said when Yunho’s phone started ringing.
Yunho refrained from saying something nasty to Yoochun by grabbing his phone and pressing the ‘ignore’ button. He knew Jaejoong was persistent when ignored; he lived with him for five years as well! He did not need Yoochun telling him about Jaejoong as if he were a stranger.
Yunho shoved his phone back into his pocket, hoping it would not disturb them anymore. “You want to talk about Jaejoong, right? So talk.”
Yoochun looked directly at Yunho’s eyes and the easy-going expression was changed to a serious one; the intensity behind his gaze threatening.
“I don’t want Jaejoong going to you two anymore.”
>>
___________________________________________________
Anyone else hates this chapter as much as I do? It took me ages to write it because I was no inspired at all! But I owed you guys an update since eons ago so yeah.... (busy life has been busy, sorry T-T). Sorry about the awkward-sounding parts. I'm getting rusty....