Dirty Little Secrets
Dirty Little Secrets
o1. Although I'll never admit it,
I miss the wonderful moments we shared,
the tear jerking topics,
and wonderful touches of love.
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o2. It's these moments you brake down on me,
and gush about how much you love him,
and how that he changed,
that make me want to strangle you.
Because you can't go back to the past.
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o3. When I listen to Replica, by Sonata Arctica
I wonder about the mood and scene of the song.
You know what image I get?
A girl who stands outside of someone else's home,
trying to bring the best of that person's life,
but can't and instead wants to die.
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o4. I talked about him today.
About how he used to know where all my “spots” are.
About how he used to just mumble some words,
and make me believe,
that when I woke up
this world would be full of wings and feathers.
...I believed him, in a special way.
~~
o5. He wonders why people take such interest in him.
Says he's just another guy.
Hearing that breaks my heart,
because it make me think that I'll end up
like her.
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o6. Whenever I say “huggie” and stretch out my arms,
all I really want, is someone
to hold me tightly, without thinking wrong of me,
and tell me that I'm okay the way I am, and that I'm loved.
Because even at home, those are rare.
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o7. During these nights, I think about dying,
and what people would think if I left some clues,
of what I wanted out of life.
I think that they would hate me.
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o8. Today I thought about leaving
and just disappearing.
About going to Downtown,
and selling myself.
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o9. When I sleep at night,
I think about the life ahead
and how what I'm doing right now,
will affect people years from now.
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1o.Tonight I dreamed about this world,
that only had night, and no day.
And that I had wings,
and I was with him again.
Fucking. Awesome.
~~
12. I received a wonderful phone call today.
He used to talk to me on the front porch,
when I got home from middle school.
He called me smart.
He said I was pretty.
He was my first friend that thought I could anything.
I think I may have disappointed him.
~~
13. When I closed my eyes that day,
I seriously considered throwing myself onto
oncoming traffic, just to avoid saying yes
to that question.
~~
14. Oh my god.
I think I figured this out.
What I do, what I did.
What I need to do...
My world is slowly piecing together now.
~~
15. When I talked to you,
You said you'd always be there
with a big and warm and full hug.
I want that hug now.
~~
16. My vision died in front of my eyes.
I was saving these words for a time
when no hated me, and everyone
cared about what those thoughts did to me.
Now I have no choice.
I'm so very sorry, everyone.
But I promise you that you won't see my scars.
~~
17. Today I learned that no matter how a careful
a listener anyone is, they never catch me in my biggest
lie of all.
“Nah, I'm fine.”
“No reason.”
“I was just thinking.”
“I was just wondering.”
“Just being random.”
~~
18. Hey, did you ever wonder what is would
be like, if we all lived together, like
a happy family?
~~