SICK
I am sick at home. Didn't go to work or school. horrible flu after getting a FLU SHOT!
On top that, I just feel lousy mentally. I hate senior year. On top everything, half of the schools I applied to received only half of my stuff/information/transcript, I need to resend stuff to them. this is delaying my application!!!! Already delayed by a month!.
Anyhow. I feel stupid because i failed calculus again. I failed a statistics test too. I was so good at statistics, i got an A! Like right now it's not even after failing two tests. It's more about how I discovered that I am actually not that smart and that the sky is NOT the limit. I mean screw being at the top of the class, what that does have to do with anything. If I don't get calculus, physics and all things math/science related that cancels out about half of my options. So there are limits in life. I can't be a engineer, a doctor, an astronaut, a marine biologist. Not that I desire to be anything of those things but I just realized that not being good at something limits you. I use to think if I just do well in school, I will have so many options. Now I finally discover that in reality I only have a limited amount of options.
i spend 4 years of high school just studying everyday trying to be the best students just to get into a great college. I did all that because my parents told me so and I really believed in myself. Well, now i find out that I didn't even need to work that hard because the people that partied and smoked pot and slept around are getting into some decent schools too! maybe I am just thinking too much and talking myself down. But seriously, the amount of stuff i think about is quite overwhelming. once I get thinking, one thing leads to another and it's stop until i come full circle.
After realizing I suck at math and science. I realized i am not good at english either. i am a B student in english. i am only good at history but that just a class that you can memorize. Anyone who is good in school can be good in history. So i basically have no academic talent. I just can sit down, have no life and study. lots of people can not do homework and still get good grades. I can't do that. I study for hours.
So then i started to think If i really do bad senior year like failed calculus, I might get kicked out of schools that have already accepted me. So like the worrier I am, I am so afraid that after I send my deposits in and everything, I will receive a letter in July telling me that my senior year grades are too bad. Don't let that happen.
I think too much. Sometimes I wish I was naive. Innocence is bliss.
On top that, I just feel lousy mentally. I hate senior year. On top everything, half of the schools I applied to received only half of my stuff/information/transcript, I need to resend stuff to them. this is delaying my application!!!! Already delayed by a month!.
Anyhow. I feel stupid because i failed calculus again. I failed a statistics test too. I was so good at statistics, i got an A! Like right now it's not even after failing two tests. It's more about how I discovered that I am actually not that smart and that the sky is NOT the limit. I mean screw being at the top of the class, what that does have to do with anything. If I don't get calculus, physics and all things math/science related that cancels out about half of my options. So there are limits in life. I can't be a engineer, a doctor, an astronaut, a marine biologist. Not that I desire to be anything of those things but I just realized that not being good at something limits you. I use to think if I just do well in school, I will have so many options. Now I finally discover that in reality I only have a limited amount of options.
i spend 4 years of high school just studying everyday trying to be the best students just to get into a great college. I did all that because my parents told me so and I really believed in myself. Well, now i find out that I didn't even need to work that hard because the people that partied and smoked pot and slept around are getting into some decent schools too! maybe I am just thinking too much and talking myself down. But seriously, the amount of stuff i think about is quite overwhelming. once I get thinking, one thing leads to another and it's stop until i come full circle.
After realizing I suck at math and science. I realized i am not good at english either. i am a B student in english. i am only good at history but that just a class that you can memorize. Anyone who is good in school can be good in history. So i basically have no academic talent. I just can sit down, have no life and study. lots of people can not do homework and still get good grades. I can't do that. I study for hours.
So then i started to think If i really do bad senior year like failed calculus, I might get kicked out of schools that have already accepted me. So like the worrier I am, I am so afraid that after I send my deposits in and everything, I will receive a letter in July telling me that my senior year grades are too bad. Don't let that happen.
I think too much. Sometimes I wish I was naive. Innocence is bliss.