(no subject)
So I had my counselling assessment today, it was not fun.
I was late to being with, because buses suck and then I couldn’t find the place, so I was on edge anyway. The woman asks some questions, while she did she talked to me as if I was a child, I wanted to punch her. I hate being talked down to!
She decided after a while that I just had low self esteem and was a bit sad. I’ve always had low self esteem, never had any impact on anything. And a bit sad?! Grrr.
She also decided that I feel like shite constantly (oh, no, a bit sad…sorry) because I have no direction in life, I’m getting there, and seen as I could rationalise what I want to do that I am in control of my emotions. (I was almost in tears at this point, plus I wanted to hit her still…reeeally good control there. I didn’t hit her though, cos that would have been bad. And I didn’t cry, because that’s just, no. Plus I rationalise everything! Because I analyse everything.)
And my anxiety is just an itty bitty problem like everyone else feels anxiety, ever so occasionally, though I told her it was a constant thing.
She gave me some self help stuff, I haven’t looked at it yet, and gave me the contacts for people who can help me find direction. Thanks but I like to make decisions about my life, myself, in my own time. But apparently if I find direction I’ll be perfectly happy and dandy… she’s taking this from the fact I don’t do anything and I dropped out of uni… seems to think the problems started here… nope!
She asked if I have a fear of failure, yeah, apparently that’s bad. It keeps me from failing! So surely it’s a good thing? Or it was.
Maybe I just didn’t explain stuff very well; it’s kinda hard to explain stuff you’re not used to explaining.
Oh and she repeated several times that my medication wont help me with direction or anything it only helps symptoms. No shit Sherlock! Dealing with a genius there.
She kept mentioning that intelligent people need to be kept busy, especially if they’re depressed to stop them dwelling on everything. She mentioned that I’m obviously not an idiot several times… then why did she talk to/treat me like a child? I hate people.
So apparently I am not depressed I’m a bit sad, and the feelings of worthlessness, and that life isn’t worth living, and that I’m loosing my grip on my rational mind, and all the conflict and shit that goes around my mind, is not important, and they can’t help me.
Isn’t that nice? Bastards.
I’m gonna go take a nap, I’m tired.