Aftermath 4/4 (and Epilogue)
Four
"For nothing now can ever come to any good."
From the diary of Allison Iraheta
The circumstances of your birth being what they are, I still wouldn't change it. Don't get me wrong, I wish I would have talked things through with your father a bit better. But he's coming around I think.
It's funny how easy the trip was from Colorado to Arkansas. Almost eerily easy.
I'm not saying there weren't any problems, but it seemed like we were traveling across the abandoned part of America.
When we got to Arkansas, it was almost like being in Colorado again: things were organized, people were living. But it never felt like we were scared or in fear of something changing at the last minute.
Of course you came, and then a whole new set of problems came.
*
April 7, 2 NT
Tahlequah, Oklahoma
"Why is it I always end up in little towns with names I cannot pronounce?" Adam asks.
"Curse of Middle America, we make things look easy, then complicate it by pronouncing it funny."
Adam looks at Ricky and grins. "Well, I'm Jewish. Lapsed, but no one has us on pronunciations."
"True."
"Are you two fine men insulting my home?"
Adam and Ricky shake their heads at the same time.
"No Miss Laura," Ricky says. "But Adam was."
"Now, now, you know I think the world of you Adam. I voted for you, you know. But insulting my home is not necessary."
The sly grin on her face is all that keeps Adam from saying anything. In the midst of at least three large groups of Eaters, Laura Jeffries has managed to get a small group of farmers together and keep them safe from being eaten. Adam is here because the people of Arkansas (and how people have argued over renaming it) have promised to provide some protection.
It's strange to be away from his son. The last time Adam remembers being away from Bowie is before he was born. That last concert in Las Vegas.
"The other one never did make his way home, did he?"
Adam shakes his head. "Last we knew he was headed to Colorado."
Laura sniffs. "I'd rather get captured by Eaters."
"Now, now, we did meet their ambassador. He was a very nice person. A little stiff, but nice."
Laura looks at Adam reproachfully. "The world is full of nice people. But those people in Colorado mean to take over everyone, the way I see it. That Johnson fellow may preach a lot of things, but he reminds me too much of my childhood."
Adam nods. "Why do you think the army has grown twice in size?"
"Will you fight, when the time comes?"
"I don't know. I'm all my son has, so I can't say yes. But if I were needed, I'd do what I have to."
"Good answer. Ricky, you tell Kim that she gives me a couple runners, I'd be glad to warn her of anything that comes my way."
Ricky looks at Adam. "I'm bringing you on all my diplomatic missions, superstar."
"I'm not sure General Johnson of the Federated State of Colorado would appreciate me much."
"He probably voted for Danny," Laura says. "Or worse, never voted and complained all the time."
Adam shakes his head. While he has liked this little trip to Oklahoma, he misses his home in Arkansas. That surprises him less than he thinks it should, but after seeing the rest of the new world, having somewhere to call home is even more important than it was before. Adam still harbors a little hope that he'll see Alli and Kris again. For now, though, he's content.
*
April 25 2 NT
I70, Just outside Topeka, Kansas
It's strange how much is left intact. There are some signs people were here: abandoned bits strewn across the road, old fires, cars moved from the road.
But for now the road is empty. Deidre has taken the lead, with Robert lagging behind. Hannah is too big for a carrier this time, so Kris pulls her along in a small red wagon. He keeps looking back at Allison, who walks along steadily, no sign of strain on her face.
"Will you stop that?" she says.
"What?"
"Checking up on me. I'm fine. If I wasn't fine, I'd let you know."
"I just-"
"I know you worry Kris. And don't give me the guilt look either. This is a discussion I said I did not want to have again, and I will not. We both made a decision. Not just you. So stop feeling sorry for yourself."
"I'm not feeling sorry for myself. And yes, I know you made a decision too. You tell me that every day! Still doesn't make me feel less guilty about not getting us out sooner, okay? I'm working on that."
Allison sighs. She begins to say something, when the clap of thunder makes them all jump.
"There's a strip mall up ahead."
Allison shivers as the sky darkens at an alarming rate. She still instinctively waits for the sirens, or something to warn her that bad weather is coming.
"This is only a test," she whispers.
They find an untouched bookstore, slightly musty, but otherwise unoccupied. Kris settles Hannah into the children's area. Robert takes first watch. Deidre watches from nearby. Allison isn't a betting person, but she has a feeling about when exactly Robert will find himself with a ring on his finger and babies of his own.
"Hannah? Your Dad and I are going to talk over there, ok?"
Hannah nods and picks up a train. "Okay Alli-mom."
Allison walks over to a chair and sits gingerly. She isn't too big yet, and the walking every day has actually helped more than she could have imagined.
"All right, Allen, you and I are going to talk."
Kris sits in front of her. Ever since they left Colorado, the time there has weighed on him. He looks tired: even more so than after the tour and his eyes are twice as old as they should be.
"I'm listening, Alli."
"I love you Kris. I do. But you act like what happened was something you could have changed. Maybe it was meant to be. Maybe God has a reason for this. Maybe he doesn't. But it's already past, and all we can do is live with the consequences."
Kris doesn't say anything. "Allison, I-"
"Kristopher Allen. Listen to me. It was just sex. If you want I'll even tell people that I had to get you drunk. But I need you to lay off the guilt thing, because it's making me feel self conscious."
Kris looks up. Allison doesn't know what to do for him. She has an inkling of an idea of what's wrong, but he just won't talk.
"It feels like I cheated," he whispers.
Allison walks over and puts her hand on his shoulder. "Kris."
Kris shakes his head, pressing his palms to his eyes. "I'm trying to keep my shit together, here, okay? I don't know what to tell you, because I'm scared every single thing I'm worrying about will come out, and you'll be depressed too."
"Do you want me to be blunt, as usual, or would you prefer I soften the blow?"
"Don't ever change for me."
"Good. Katy died. I know you haven't thought of it yet, but I know you know it. Katy died, and you haven't had sex in over a year. So let's just chalk it up as a brief one-night stand with someone who vaguely looks like me, okay? Because as cute as you are, I'm not interested either. Although-"
"Don't start," Kris says a small smile on his face. "I'll try, okay?"
"Good."
"Thanks."
Allison grins. "Anyway, when we get home, we'll have a lot of things to adjust to as it is."
"You're right, as usual. I just don't know-"
"How about we get there first, explain things later."
"Okay."
Kris walks back over to Hannah. Allison lays a hand on her belly. "Kid, I'm going to have a hell of a time making you understand, aren't I?"
She wanders the store for a bit, picking up a blank journal and some pens. Kris and Hannah are now curled up in the children's section. She sits close by, listening to the rain as it falls on the roof.
She begins to write. Once upon a time, I was famous.
*
May 7, 2 NT
Arkansas
Cale hands Adam a glass before sitting down.
"Isn't that a little cliché? The two bachelors in the room getting drunk at the reception?"
Cale looks at Adam. "Hey, I just handed you one glass. Not my fault you've turned into a lightweight."
Adam shakes his head. "Now me being a bachelor, that's pretty well understood. Not a lot of pickings, unless you count the fact you still pine for me."
"Well, you know unrequited love and all that."
Cale watches as Drew and Grace circle the dance floor. It's been pretty obvious between them since before they even got to Arkansas, so it shouldn't have surprised Cale. But it had, because he might have been married by now, and the new couple may have never met, if the lights had stayed on.
"I just don't understand you still being single. There are lots of women around here."
Cale sighs. "You still love Brad?"
"Well, yes. I always-oh."
"Exactly. It's hard to date someone when you are constantly comparing her to someone else."
"I'm sorry."
"Maybe I should pine for you. Would make things less complicated."
Adam laughs. "Want to dance?"
"Not particularly."
"Not making the dating anyone thing easy are you?"
"I guess not," Cale says. "Maybe I'll go have some fun. Or at least pretend to until I don't know the difference."
"Don't have too much fun."
Cale stands. "You know, maybe you could come along. I know you might not get laid-"
"Thanks."
"But maybe it'll be fun for you too."
Cale puts his glass down on the table. "Beats sitting in the corner by yourself."
Cale smiles as Adam catches up, then cuts in front of Cale to pull Mrs. Allen on the dance floor. Maybe it wasn't going to be such a bad day after all.
*
May 10, 2 NT
Fayetteville, Arkansas
"You know, I've played here a thousand times," Kris says.
"Almost home," Robert responds. "How are you doing?"
"Going crazy. I want to run every day to get there. I want to turn around right now."
Kris looks around Fayetteville. It's strange to see a place he knows so well look so unfamiliar. He's been waiting to get home for two years, but the closer he gets, the more he wonders if he'll be able to stay. He's spent so long pretending to be one person; it's as if he's forgotten himself.
"So what's first, when you do get there?" Robert asks.
"Hug my mom and my brother. After that, see if any of my friends made it there. Then hope they understand why it took so long. After that? I don't know. I don't."
"I think I might get married."
Kris raises his eyebrows and laughs. "Allison, I owe you a favor."
"Told you," she yelled from a nearby house.
"Taking bets?"
"Not much else to do when you can't sleep," Kris admits. "We'll probably hit a border patrol in the next week or so."
"I can't believe we made it."
I can't either," Kris says. "Hopefully things are still as reported."
"Pessimist."
"Realist. Come on, I'll show you some of the sights."
Robert follows Kris into the heart of town.
*
May 15, 2 NT
Arkansas
Grace is supposed to be on her honeymoon, although border patrol and health check-ups weren't exactly what she dreamed of on her honeymoon.
She shakes her head as she puts up her feet for the day. She sees the runner from the distance, but knows whatever it is; she can relax just a bit longer.
"Are you Mrs. Steen?"
"Grace," she corrects. "But yes."
"I have an important message, for Mr. Steen, to go directly to Mrs. Allen."
Grace sits up.
"Well, Drew won't be back until tonight. Why don't you give it to me?"
The runner nods and hands Grace a piece of paper. Grace looks down.
"You know, why don't we go find my husband?"
The runner grins at her.
*
May 17, 2 NT
Allen Farm, Arkansas
It's all Kris can do not to crane his neck. So much has changed here. After seeing so many towns on the road that were no different than two years ago, it's a shock to his system. He's technically been inside the borders for four days (and the wall being built is quite impressive) but this is home. There are still open fields near the farm, horses still grazing. But there are buildings everywhere, houses and shops. There is a constant buzz of people, sounds that Kris can't quite place. He hears music in the distance and smiles. He tries to take in everything that's been built up around his home and can't do it.
He just sees the throngs of people, all of them are armed. But they look healthy. And happy.
It's Ryland who sees him first.
"Holy shit."
"Nice to see you too, asshole," Kris says, laughing as Ryland pulls him in for a hug.
"Took you long enough."
"I'm surprised I got out so fast."
Ryland nods. "I've heard. Allison Iraheta, what kind of trouble have you been getting into?"
Allison laughs. "Who says I've been getting into trouble? It's a long story, and I think I'd only like to tell it once thank you."
"Okay."
Kris wants to ask the question burning in the back of his throat. But he's almost sure Ryland would have said if Cale hadn't made it here. So he watches the people's faces instead. Those that know him are genuinely surprised. Those that don't (and around here, it isn't many) are wondering why there is such a fuss.
Kris walks up the steps to his own home, and walks in the door.
"Hey Mama," he says, and falls into her arms.
*
Adam knows something is going on. There has to be a reason Kim has been distracted all day. He knows it has to do with the runner that arrived yesterday. She came from the northern border, so that meant Colorado, but what news she brought, Adam did not know. He does know that Kim asked him and Cale to come meet with her today. So he waits patiently.
When Kris walks into the room and falls into his mother's arms, Adam doesn't believe it. After all, he's been waiting for this to happen for two years. But there he is. Allison leans in the doorway. When she sees Adam her face lights up
"Adam!" She walks past Kim and Kris to hug him tightly.
"Look at you!" Adam says. He wants to ask a million questions, but the tiredness in her eyes stops him. Plus, in a way, he thinks it might be Cale's right to ask.
"Aren't you at least going to say hello?" Allison asks.
Cale swallows and stands up. "Hey, Alli. I-"
Allison laughs. "I can explain. It's strange and well, strange…"
She looks at Kris who shakes his head at her. "I don't think strange covers it Alli. Not at all."
Adam looks between them, sees the flash of guilt across Kris's face, and knows. By the look on Cale's face, so does he.
"Go on," Allison looks at Cale, "You're going to make a fuss about it, you might as well ask."
Cale sighs. "May I ask after the father of your child?"
"You may," Allison says.
"Oh stop being silly Alli. You tell me to stop sulking and now you're delaying saying anything?" Kris says. "I'm the father."
Adam watches as the room erupts. There is a scuffle, and then Kris is on the floor; hand on his jaw, looking up at Cale.
"I'll give you that one. I probably deserve it."
"Probably?" Cale says, lifting Kris up and slamming him into the wall.
Kris fights back, pushing Cale away and holding up his fists. Cale moves forward, but then Allison screams.
"Stop it. Stop!"
She steps between them and looks at Cale. "He saved my life. Don't do this. Please."
Cale looks at her, then at Kris over her shoulder. "Fine."
He stalks out the room. Ryland steps as if to follow him.
"I'll go get him. It might be better if I explain," Allison says. "Sorry to ruin the welcome home."
Kris shakes his head, still rubbing his jaw. "It wasn't you. I kind of figured this would happen. At least we made it, right?"
She nods and walks out.
Kris sits in a chair. "So I suppose you want the whole story? Or can I ask questions first?"
Adam looks at Kim, who looks like she is still trying to figure out what just happened.
"Maybe you ask first?"
Kris looks at his hands. In that moment, he looks old and tired, and scared.
"I know about the hospital. I saw the list while we were in Colorado."
"Ah."
Adam pulls a chair near Kris's, and motions for Kim to sit down.
"She didn't die of the flu, or whatever was going around. There was a fight."
Kris nods. "I see."
Adam lets out a breath. "Brad said… Brad said she saved his life."
"Where is he, anyway?"
Adam looks down. "We lost him in Flagstaff."
"Oh."
"Turns out the dogs went feral. Not sure what happened to the people."
"I'm sorry."
Adam is silent for a moment. "Beyond that, we met some nice folks in Amarillo, and arrived here in October. Besides the Eaters cooking up people, and my poor aching feet and empty stomach, it was a walk in the park."
Kris laughs and looks at his mom. "I heard you and Daniel had things running well here."
"Yes," Kim says. "With the help of a lot of others too. I left the church and formed my own. Among other things."
"Left the church?"
"You know how Fred was. I got tired of it. He helped a lot in the beginning, but then he started preaching things that were just not right. So I left and found myself another pastor."
Kris laughs. "Only you, Mama."
"So," Adam says, "How exactly did Allison get pregnant?"
"Well," Kris says, shifting the ring on his finger, "When the soldiers first approached us, I-"
Adam listens as Kris talks, wondering if he could have done the same.
*
Cale stops at the porch. This is his home. He knows if he goes upstairs right now, Aimee and the other children he now takes care of will be welcoming Hannah into the fold.
"You idiot."
He turns and looks at Allison. "Please don't."
"I will, and you are going to listen."
Cale wants to laugh, because even though she's angry at him, she's here.
"I'm listening."
Allison looks at him for a long time. "Can I ask one question?"
"Go on."
"Why aren't you married? Or are you seeing someone and no one has told me?"
"That's two questions."
"Cale."
Cale sits on the swing. "Sit down."
Allison sits.
"At first, we weren't sure if you were coming at all. Then, when we decided to move on with our lives…It was hard, because, well, they weren't you, and I was never sure you weren't ever coming, despite all the facts that said you weren't."
"Well now how am I supposed to be completely angry with you?"
"I could go punch Kris again if you want."
"Don't you dare."
Cale nods and looks at his hands. "Are you-are you two-"
"God no. Trust me; the one time was harrowing enough."
"I don't understand."
"Which is why maybe you should have listened first and punched later," Allison says. "When we got to Colorado, we said we were married, because women there weren't exactly treated very well. Long story short, we had people convinced, except when they gave us 'alone' time, we didn't exactly spend it the way they thought we would."
"Oh."
"So I made up a story about Kris having troubles, and instead of sympathizing, they gave me some drugs to give to him. So we got a little drunk and somehow managed to have sex. Not that I don't think Kris is hot, but his complex about me was very hard to overcome."
"I don't need to hear this."
Allison laughs. "Fine. But do you understand now?"
Cale nods. "I owe him an apology."
"Probably, but that left hook may be the best thing that's happened to him. He's been guilt tripping since I found out I was pregnant. Maybe now he'll get over it."
"So besides having to live with Kris, how was it?"
"Like walking the scariest tightrope you can think of. He risked a lot to get us out. A lot. He still hasn't told me hardly anything. But he's taken whatever happened to heart. More than he shows."
"He always did," Cale says. "Maybe once he forgives me, he'll talk to me."
"Maybe. Did you survive being around Adam's friends okay?"
"Besides the attack dogs, being hungry all the time, the Eaters, and the military hospital I thought I was going to die in? Wasn't too bad at all."
"So what do you do here?"
"Well, when I'm not on patrol, I sort of take care of the orphans. And the children of people who are out on patrol."
"You run an extended day care?"
"Pretty much. Aimee, Patrick, Jacob, Richard and Ethan are here year round. They're orphans. And Bowie. And now I suppose Hannah."
"Guess that means I don't have to ask if you like kids."
Cale looks at Allison for a long time. "Alli-"
"I'm not saying we should pick up where we left off. But I can't think of any reason why we shouldn't try."
Cale says nothing, taking her hand in his and rocking the swing. His hand hurts like hell, but he won't admit it.
*
May 22, 2 NT
Steen household, Arkansas
Drew keeps looking at Kris. It's sort of like having something come back from childhood: it looks the same, has all the same ideas and triggers. Except the world has changed.
Not that Kris hasn't changed. They all have. Drew looks around, notices the guitars against the wall, still untouched, by the dust on the cases.
"So you and Ryland are coming up with mischief still," Kris says.
Drew laughs. "Yeah. Except now it's usually defensive stuff. Although I'm pretty proud of the watermill we built last month."
"The engineering students from the university helped that," Ryland says. "They help get a lot of our ideas from paper to reality actually."
"That's good, I-"
Cale is in the doorway. Drew looks at Kris for a minute. He knows what happened the other day was two years of built up tension and misunderstanding.
"Hi," Cale says. "Um. I wanted to apologize for the other day. I should have listened first."
"I'm sure Allison gave you an earful," Kris says.
"She did. But I brought a peace offering."
Cale holds up four bottles of Coke.
"Are those even any good?"
Cale shrugs. "They came out of storage, and the ones we tasted in March seemed okay."
"How did you manage to requisite those?" Ryland asks. "There aren't that many and-"
"I called in a lot of favors."
"Come in. Sit."
Cale sits down and hands out the bottles. "We should get a band together."
"Well Ryland and I could do joint percussion, and maybe we could get Allison to play rhythm guitar," Drew volunteers. "And maybe we could con Tommy into playing bass?"
Kris looks at the Coke in his hand. "I haven't played since we buried Andrew. But maybe we should."
There's more there, but none of them push it.
Kris opens his bottle first. "To Torres, who's probably King of Mexico and living the high life."
"And Lizzie, who is probably being worshipped like a blonde goddess," Ryland adds.
"And Andrew, who has all the babes in heaven he wants," Cale lifts his bottle in the air.
They solemnly touch bottles and drink.
"This tastes like shit, Cale," Kris sputters. "How in the hell did we drink so much?"
"No fucking clue," Cale grins, and takes another drink.
They all laugh, but continue to drink. Drew looks around the room, and realizes just how lucky they all are, even if for just a moment.
*
May 24, 2 NT
Kris doesn't fit.
This is a strange feeling, because he's always been the laid back one. So he's made himself fit, no matter the situation. He's always been so comfortable with himself, that everywhere is his home.
It hasn't been that long since he left the road. That's what Kris tells himself, because he can't contemplate not fitting here. But it's hard for him to imagine ever doing so. He has his reasons.
"Hey," Adam says. "Instead of sitting on the porch, why don't you come to the training center with me? Hannah's in preschool so don't even try to use her."
Kris shakes his head. "Sad that you know me so well."
Adam looks at him for a second. "Well?"
"All right."
They walk down the street. It's weird, because it's Adam saying hello to everyone instead of Kris. Kris merely smiles and walks. He knows he's the one who has distanced himself. It started a long time ago, but every time he thinks he's ready to step forward, the old reasons for staying away pop up.
"If I asked you what was wrong, would you tell me?"
"I'm just settling in," Kris says.
He's lying, but since Colorado, Kris knows that he's become too good at it.
"All right. Welcome to the home base of our ragtag little army."
Kris looks at the building. "Impressive."
"Hey, Adam," Henry, the main instructor, says. "Kris. Nice to finally meet you! Do you have a weapon of choice?"
Kris blinks. "Mace."
"Hand-to-hand kind of guy. I can see why, with your build. They have you as an archer too?"
Kris nods. "Everyone learns that though."
"Are you here to train, or just to watch?"
"Watch for now. Maybe train later."
"Sounds fair. You can watch Adam beat on Peter."
"That's not true," Adam says. "Peter's a fair hand."
"That's why he gets to fight you."
Adam laughs. "They gave me this big ass sword, and expected me to fall over it, Kris. It weighs less than the stupid bars I had for my second tour. Remember those?"
"Yeah. Those were heavy," Kris says. "No wonder you took to the sword."
"Exactly. Finally someone understands."
Kris smiles at him. "Well, someone has to."
Adam laughs and heads to a wide space where a younger man waits. "Peter, this is Kris, Kris this is Peter. He was a medieval history major at the university."
Kris and Peter shake hands. Kris steps back as Peter hands Adam a long length of wood. Kris imagines it's weighted so it acts just like the sword.
It's like a dance, of sorts, so Kris can see why Adam has taken to it. He is fluid, fast, and deadly. Kris almost gets up and leaves. He doesn't want to watch anymore, because it makes him think of every reason why he doesn't belong anymore. He knows he should talk about it. He isn't ready yet.
He isn't sure he ever will be.
*
June 1, NT
Hospital
Andrew Bradley Allen-Iraheta is smaller than his name would imply. Grace sees Allison's nose and Kris's scrunchy face. And by the looks everyone gives him, he will have everyone at the Allen farm wrapped around his little finger in no time.
"How are you doing?" Grace asks Allison.
"I'm okay."
"You look worried. And not new mom worried."
Allison smiles. "You ever get the feeling that you want to help someone, but don't know how?"
Grace nods. "I'm a nurse; I live constantly with that feeling now."
"What do you do?"
"I let it play out. I do what I have to do, and hope that everything turns out okay."
"I don't like that answer."
Grace laughs. "Unfortunately, sometimes we have to let people act stupid."
Allison sighs. "Well, I suppose then, I should prepare."
"Do I want to know?"
Allison shakes her head. "No. No you don't."
*
July 5, 2NT
Allen farm, Arkansas
Tommy doesn't know what to expect when the messenger pulls him over. He does recognize the look of slight terror, so he pats the girl on the back.
"It's okay. I'll take it to Mrs. Allen. She's a friend of a friend."
He's done pretty okay here. He's been working with the bow makers. He figures all his work with guitars; it's just another type of string. He still hangs out with Adam and Danielle, and Cale asked maybe if he'd like to do the band thing again. It's nice to have other friends too.
When Mrs. Allen (Tommy still can't call her Kim. He may know her, but his own mother had ingrained it too much in him) reads the letter, he knows why the messenger was so nervous.
"Do me a favor, Tommy. Can you go to the school and make sure Adam hurries down here? I know his class is done for today."
Tommy nods and starts running down the street.
*
Allison looks at the note again. I promise to write more later, when I've figured a few more things out. It took a lot for me to decide even this much, but I also knew I couldn't stay any longer. I'm not leaving forever; after all, I have a responsibility to my children. I just need to figure out how I fit in here. Allison-you probably will figure out. Remember everything we talked about in Colorado? It didn't go away. So for now I'm going to be out here. Until I can sort things out. I'm so sorry.
Everyone looks at her.
"I can't. I know I should say, but maybe he does need some time away from everything."
She looks around the room.
"So what do we do about it? Do one of us go talk to him then?"
Allison turns to Cale. "I don't know."
"I'll go," Adam says.
"Why you?" Cale asks.
"Because I spoke first."
"Oh."
"Actually," Allison says, "I think maybe Adam is the right person to go. I mean, who better? You will probably be the most honest, and I'm pretty sure you could beat him in a fight."
"Thanks, I think?" Adam says.
Allison grins at him. "Well, you know me."
"Guess I better start packing."
Allison looks around the room and wonders if anyone has guessed. And if Kris would come back at all.
*
July 12, NT
Tahlequah, Oklahoma
"He's out riding," Laura says. "Not too long ago. What a nice boy."
"A nice boy who ran away," Adam says. "Which direction? I might get more out of him if I surprise him."
"North. Towards the lake. Said he was going to camp out for a few days."
"Do me a favor, Laura, hold onto this for me?"
Adam hands her the guitar he took out of Kris's room.
"Will do. You planning on bringing him back?"
"Yes."
"He's going to need serious convincing."
"I know."
"Go get him."
Adam nods. He has never pegged Kris as one for running. So this better be good.
*
July 14, 2 (NT)
Oohlogeh Lake, Oklahoma
According to the map, the nearby body of water is Oohlogeh Lake.
Adam finds Kris resting his horse near the shore.
"What the fuck do you think you are doing?"
Kris turns and looks at him. "Resting my horse."
"No fucking duh. I meant by leaving."
"I had my reasons."
"Why don't you list them?"
"Maybe I don't want to."
Adam pulls off his sword belt and throws it to the ground.
"I told your mother I was bringing you back if I had to tie you up."
"I'll just leave again."
"And I'll just follow again. Whatever it was Kris, you could have said something."
No," Kris says, "I couldn't."
"Fuck. You and your damn honorable 'woe is me' suffering. Guess what? You aren't the only person who has done things that make them hate themselves. So come home and just move on okay?"
"Maybe it isn't about that! Maybe I don't feel like it's my home anymore, okay? Maybe here, at least, I'm doing some sort of good!"
Kris is yelling back. At least it's a different emotion that the silent suffering he's projected otherwise.
"Well maybe you're a dumbass."
"Fuck you."
Kris goes to get on his horse. Adam blocks him.
"I don't want to fight you Adam."
"Well you're going to have to."
"Fine."
Kris moves to push Adam out of his way. Adam grabs his arms and maneuvers him towards the trees. Kris counters by kneeing Adam in the stomach. Adam swallows the pain and catches Kris from behind, knocking him to the ground. They scramble for purchase. Adam is genuinely surprised at how strong Kris has gotten. But then Kris slips a little and Adam pins him.
"Come home."
Kris's breathing is short and fast. "No."
"Please."
"I can't," Kris whispers and closes his eyes. "I'm sorry."
Adam bows his head without letting go. Kris is still for a moment.
"I'm also sorry for cheating."
Adam pops his head back up, and then Kris is kissing him. It's more than a surprise, so Adam lets go. Kris flips Adam over and holds a knife to his throat.
"Just let me go."
Adam nods once. "I'm going to stay as long as it takes."
Kris begins to back away. "Adam, I-"
A scream pierces through the trees. Then another. It's not too nearby, but it's unmistakable.
"Eaters," Adam says.
Kris turns to his horse and pauses.
Come on. I know you aren't a coward.
"Well are we going to see if we can help or not?"
Adam grins. "Let's go."
*
Kris, Adam and five others limp onto Laura's property late that night.
"You look terrible," Laura says. "Eaters I suppose."
"Small group of about twenty," Adam says.
"Two of you took on twenty Eaters? And came out with five live people? That they hadn't even snacked on yet?"
"I have anger management issues," Kris says.
Adam doesn't know why, but he sits on the ground and begins to laugh. Kris joins him.
"That's it, go clean up and go to bed. You promise not to run away until a doctor has looked at you?"
Kris nods.
"Then go on."
Adam looks at Kris. "One night. If I can't convince you to stay, then you are free to go."
"Deal."
"We're also going to talk about kissing people in a fight. Not kosher."
"You're just jealous I thought of it first."
"Maybe."
Kris laughs and heads over to one of the people giving aid. Adam watches for a moment before heading that way himself.
*
July 15 2 (NT)
Tahlequah, Oklahoma
"And then these two come sweeping down, covered in blood and sweeping in like maniacs. It's probably the most exciting and scary thing I've ever seen."
Kris watches as Charlotte recalls the battle. The slaughter. Everyone is gathered at Laura's, a small celebration for surviving another day.
Adam looks at him. "All right, besides your children, and your mother and brother, obviously. I thought I'd bring something to show you why you should come home. Laura, remember what I gave you yesterday?"
Laura nods and heads out of the room. She comes back with a guitar case.
"Adam."
"Just listen. Music got you through those years when you thought college was hell. Maybe it will help again. You can't know if you don't try."
Kris takes the case and opens it up.
"Oh."
It's the Hummingbird. It's one guitar he hasn't been able to give away, to anyone who asked. He picks it up and holds it. It still fits the way he remembers. He strums it a bit.
"Cale's kept it in tune. I asked."
Kris nods. The room is quiet. He strums a few chords, wincing when one doesn't play true. But now that he has it in his hands, he can't stop. Before he knows it, he's singing "Let It Be", the song tearing out of him. When he stops, he barely registers the applause.
"Maybe something a little more upbeat?" Adam asks.
Kris looks at him. "Okay."
*
"There he goes; my baby walks so slow-"
Adam laughs "Fine, fine. Stop. Point made."
Kris smiles. "Okay. I admit I should have played before now."
"Still not convinced?"
"Let's take a walk."
"Okay."
There's a bonfire outside. People are dancing, so their conversation is private.
"Did Cale ever tell you about the stupid retreat confessionals we used to do?"
"Yeah."
Kris nods and looks at the fire. "Katy and I were in counseling for awhile."
"I didn't know that."
Kris looks at him. Adam realizes this is a longer story and shuts up.
"Anyway. I fell in love with someone else. Not out of love with Katy, but in love with someone else. Just my luck. Anyway, we worked it out. But then this happened. And I came home."
"I'm not sure I-"
"See the thing is, by the time I reached Arkansas, you all had made your home there. I could never ask anyone to leave."
Adam thinks he knows where this is going. But he can't be sure.
"The longer I stayed, the worse it got. Feelings I had buried and put away came roaring back. And I knew it had to be me that left."
"Kris-"
Kris looks at him. "It was you. I guess you didn't know, by the look on your face. So no matter what you say, I don't think I can go home again."
"Kris, I-"
"I'm in love with you. Have been for a very long time."
Adam bites his lip. "Kris, I don't feel the same way."
"I know. That's why I have to leave. I need time to sort myself out, okay?"
Adam watches him walk away, and tries to figure out how to convince him.
*
July 16, NT
Jeffries' Farm, Oklahoma
"I thought you said one night," Kris says as he watches Adam approach.
"I lied," Adam says. "I also didn't sleep."
"Why?"
Kris doesn't want to talk. He wants to keep avoiding the issue, until it goes away. But maybe if he talks about it, he can get past it. He wants to go home, but he doesn't want to ruin everything.
"Lots of reasons," Adam says. "I have two more arguments and a question for you, and then I'm done."
"Okay."
Adam sits on the porch. "Allison says that when you were in Colorado, you did this school thing. About being a soldier. That you were actually pretty good at it."
"So?"
"Well, I figure that our nearest problem is the Eaters in Oklahoma, but after that, it's Colorado."
"You think I'm the most qualified person to lead an army?"
Adam shrugs. "I don't know. But you said you couldn't figure out where you belonged, and even if all you did was pass on what you knew, you'd be doing all of us a favor."
Kris sighs. "You ever notice something about the Eaters?"
"No, what?"
"They're all young. At least the early groups were. Teenagers so tied into their technology that when it went away they snapped. Began to eat other people. Maybe were even led to eat other people. Do you know how many teenagers Colorado lost?"
"No."
"None. I don't like the guy, but I can't help but admire what Johnson did. He saved a lot of lives."
"What the hell does that have to do with anything?"
Kris looks at Adam. "Nothing. Except that everything used to be so easy, and now there's this big gray area, where I killed people for him, and now I'm going to fight him? There are a lot of people there that I like. And that's hard for me to deal with. I killed people, I recruited people for something I didn't believe in. I led them to believe that coming with me was the greatest thing ever, when in fact, I was probably doing them a disservice."
"You think letting them die would have been worse?"
"I don't know. But so many things happened that weren't what I should have done, and I can't get my brain wrapped around it. I had sex with Allison for God's sake."
"She said she liquored you up."
"She's also very kind to me. I think I'm okay with it for awhile, and then it folds into everything else, and I just…"
"Oh."
"Yeah. I guess I'm just a great big mass of guilt and neurosis right now."
"Neurosis?" Adam says. "Using big boy words now? You have changed. I think maybe, you should just give yourself a break. I don't know. But I've always found that the nice Christian boys have the biggest hang-ups about sex."
"Adam."
"Sorry. I don't know what to tell you right now. I don't. But I have something I want to show you. I found this."
Kris watches as Adam pulls something out of his pocket. It's a photograph, weathered and folded.
"Where did you get this?"
It's a picture from tour, the ten of them smiling from what seems forever ago.
"Your house."
"I-"
"It was stupid, . I thought maybe if I could get the picture to Arkansas, everything would be okay. But it's not. People died. More people are going to die. That's the new world, and I have to live in it."
"That's your second argument? Life sucks?"
Adam laughs. "Maybe."
Kris shakes his head. "All right, so what did you want to ask?"
Adam sighs. "I couldn't sleep, because my mind kept asking all these questions. When? How did I miss it? How did you hide it? Isn't he straight?"
Kris can't help but laugh. "Well, if it's any comfort, that's what I thought, too. But I suppose I'm a bit more fluid on the Kinsey scale than I thought. You, uh, obviously didn't look through my entire house."
"Oh ?"
"."
"I always did like Katy."
Kris shakes his head and continues. "When and how? I can't say. I suppose, over time, my mind opened up to possibilities I hadn't considered. By the time I figured it out, tour was over and I was already working on saving my marriage."
"I just-"
"I almost didn't call you."
"What?"
Kris looks down again. "When we made the first plan to fly out of LA. I almost didn't call you."
"Oh."
Kris looks at Adam and shrugs.
"I'm glad I did. But I think about it a lot. I need time, okay?"
Kris gets up to leave. He'd never bargained on ever actually telling Adam. He'd thought after all this time that the feelings would have died. But the more time he spent in Arkansas, the more he realized how hard it was to fall out of love with someone. And while he thinks he might be able to go home, he just doesn't know yet.
He's stopped by a hand on his wrist. He turns to face Adam.
"I could though."
Kris blinks.
"What?"
"I could love you. I mean, you haven't even asked me out on a date or anything."
"Adam-"
"No. You expect me to hear all of this and just walk away? Not a chance in hell. You can't leave without giving me a chance okay? I mean, you were one of the best parts of my life, and I'm not going to give that up without at least a date."
"And what happens if it doesn't work?"
"What happens if it does?"
Kris says nothing.
"I'll be inside. Maybe we can sing "Crazy" for old time's sake. Or something. I am wondering now if that kiss earlier was any indication of things to come. Color me interested. I might walk down the road tomorrow, trip and split my head open, okay? There are no guarantees in anything anymore, Kris. That's my second argument."
Adam walks inside without looking. Kris stands for a long time. He's tired of running. He's tired of doing things for other people's sake.
And damn if he isn't interested as well.
He looks to the farm, to his horse. Then he looks back at the door. Then he makes his move.
*
Epilogue
"Now join your hands, and with your hands your hearts."
William Shakespeare
November, 2 (NT)
Allen Farm, Arkansas
Dinner has long been eaten, and all the guests have left. Allison has just lain Andrew down for a nap. Cale waits at the door.
"What now?"
"You should come see this."
He takes her hand and leads her down the hall. It isn't the same as before. It's a little calmer. But just as good.
Ryland and Drew are figuring out how to implement Kris's plans for a big campaign against the Eaters. He's been working with the army, using what he remembers from Colorado to help his home army. It's more complicated and dangerous than Allison would like to think about right now.
Cale leads her to the rec room, where most of the kids have gathered. Kim is there too, laughing and dancing with Hannah and Bowie. Kris plays the guitar, singing some nonsense song about coconuts and elephants.
Adam is next to him singing along. Allison watches awhile before looking out the window.
"I hate to break this up, but it's bedtime kiddos."
The kids protest, but Kim gathers them up. They all give Kris and Adam a hug (and sometimes a kiss) before leaving the room. Allison watches them go up the stairs. Kim follows to make sure they make it in. Allison goes back to say something but stops in the doorway.
Kris and Adam have their heads bent together. Adam is writing something down. His other hand is laced through Kris's.
"Alli I-" Cale says.
"Shhh," she interrupts.
Adam says something, and Kris laughs. He looks happier than he has in a long time. Allison bites her lip and backs away.
She looks up at Cale. "You think everything's going to be okay now?"
"Maybe. I don't know."
*
From the diary of Allison Iraheta
I can't tell you what's in your future. All I know is that right now, I have you, and your three Dads, and that's all I need. In a few weeks, Kris is overseeing the final stages of the campaign against the Eaters. It's been a bloodbath from what I've heard. I'm not sure I want to know. After that, I suppose that we'll come against Colorado at some point. I haven't heard of any revolution, so either it happened and didn't work, or they are too scared to try.
I can't tell you what's in your future. I can't tell you what the world will look like. But I do know that we have light. It's not the same as before, and it never will be. But it's there, at the beginning of the day, in the night sky still. I look at it and marvel at how everything has changed.
We have hope.
We have love.
I suppose that isn't too bad.
(if you are interested and wish to read the scene that started this whole fic you can read it HERE )