friday was spent w sean and the boys. i like how this has potential to become a friday night routine. (im a taurus, we like routine) i likeeee. alcohol free friday. GOOD JOB ADRI!
( Read more... )
hahah tts the thing. weekends are becoming more or less formulated. but i enjoy that. oh, and i didnt have an alcohol-free weekend. i didnt club tts all. haha feels a bit strange. so many months since ive not clubbed at least once a week.
DIMINISHED. finito. gone. poof. sigh. i'm off the meds, which is quite sad really, cos i need them. but hello alcohol. lol fuck la, i'm feeling like shit at work.
you know, we should find a healthier alternative to clubbing. a new activity. a new high. =D what say you, love?
WEED? HAHAHA. w00t! im feeling pretty fucked too. damn RESTLESS. I feel like going on holiday. or something.
maybe take up yoga? or like some spiritual healing thing. srsly need t progress t a higher level or sth. last night i had a very emo night on my ledge. you'll see the pics when i get them uploaded tonight. ice cream, ciggs, drink. a girl's best friends.
YES SPORTS. i need some form of exercise really badly. =\ it's pretty sad actually...how i know what you mean. emo nights...when emo music becomes your date, when alcohol doesn't give you the same high, when the things you lived for begin to seem monotonous.
hahaha well weed is always a good HEALTHY way t get high. afterall its a herb ;) LOL tts my logic anyway. but its hard t get weed here now, after the major weed bust. i've called ppl who called ppl and yes, the answer is always "no weed".
sports kinnda gives me the shivers. i mean besides sex and climbing the stairs to go up t smoke tts all i normally get. but hey, now sex is out o the window, that kinnda makes it jst climbing stairs.
and i dont live for much. just for the hope that i might get better. its a frail one at the most.
it's quite a bitter cycle, if you think about it. what we go through now, how lost we all feel etc. it's all going to be passed on to our kids, and by then, who knows? we might be the bitter angry unreasonable parents we swore never to become.
are we going to feel anymore stable at 40? or even further behind?
i wont become a parent until i can come t terms w myself. and anyway, how can i expect t find someone who loves me enough t want t have children w me? i dont love myself, i dont wish anyone else to try.
and i dont think we'll ever stop looking. never. maybe tts the way its spsd t be.
as long as you have faith then yer pretty much set. and tt i dont have.
it's strange, adri. i have plenty of faith in you, in a lot of people, except myself. it seems as though i have so much to give to the whole fucking world, but none for myself. and it's by choice, my choice. maybe it's another self esteem issue, one that should have been solved when i was a kid. =\ who knows?
i don't think we should be so hard on ourselves, for not coming to terms with who we are. i don't know what you believe in, love. but it's really okay if we don't have all the answers we need/want in this lifetime...we were made to live forever. forever, but not here on earth.
i do not remember wot choice led me here. led me to such desperate loss, and even worse, such terrible ambivalence.
i do not like to think of faith because of my lack of any. in myself, in whoever who is around me, in everything. as long as i play any role with the other, i have no faith in them. for i am suicide. and i do not care enough to change. it scares me, but not nearly as much as it should.
it is a choice to stay in this circle. vicious it is.
familar comfort, maybe. you know, maybe we're lucky to believe that we have only this life and nothing else. it's because we know that we are doomed, that every other moment in this life is so beautiful.
there is beauty in the midst of chaos. there is beauty in the breakdown.
i don't think it was a choice that led you here. one choice doesn't change a life. perhaps it's in what we think, we feel, our beliefs and our surroundings that moulds us so firmly and haphazardly that we're blinded along the way.
and yes girlie, our life is becoming a routine, esp with work. but heyy, we've got the weekend! =D
Reply
hows the cough syrup?
Reply
you know, we should find a healthier alternative to clubbing. a new activity. a new high. =D what say you, love?
Reply
im feeling pretty fucked too. damn RESTLESS. I feel like going on holiday. or something.
maybe take up yoga? or like some spiritual healing thing. srsly need t progress t a higher level or sth. last night i had a very emo night on my ledge. you'll see the pics when i get them uploaded tonight. ice cream, ciggs, drink. a girl's best friends.
Reply
YES SPORTS. i need some form of exercise really badly. =\ it's pretty sad actually...how i know what you mean. emo nights...when emo music becomes your date, when alcohol doesn't give you the same high, when the things you lived for begin to seem monotonous.
don't jump, love
Reply
sports kinnda gives me the shivers. i mean besides sex and climbing the stairs to go up t smoke tts all i normally get. but hey, now sex is out o the window, that kinnda makes it jst climbing stairs.
and i dont live for much. just for the hope that i might get better. its a frail one at the most.
Reply
are we going to feel anymore stable at 40? or even further behind?
hope, dangles on a string.
Reply
and i dont think we'll ever stop looking. never. maybe tts the way its spsd t be.
as long as you have faith then yer pretty much set. and tt i dont have.
Reply
i don't think we should be so hard on ourselves, for not coming to terms with who we are. i don't know what you believe in, love. but it's really okay if we don't have all the answers we need/want in this lifetime...we were made to live forever. forever, but not here on earth.
haha forgive me, girlie. thou shalt stop preaching
Reply
i do not like to think of faith because of my lack of any. in myself, in whoever who is around me, in everything. as long as i play any role with the other, i have no faith in them. for i am suicide.
and i do not care enough to change. it scares me, but not nearly as much as it should.
it is a choice to stay in this circle. vicious it is.
and to live forever, is an awful thought.
Reply
there is beauty in the midst of chaos.
there is beauty in the breakdown.
i don't think it was a choice that led you here. one choice doesn't change a life. perhaps it's in what we think, we feel, our beliefs and our surroundings that moulds us so firmly and haphazardly that we're blinded along the way.
adri you are suicide, people would die for you
Reply
i dont want people to die for me. they are doing so in vane. i do not deserve better.
gwenooo! come, lets drink and be happy for a while.
Reply
two things drive life. fear and love, pick one and live. - axl rose
adriiiii, come on, lets go cry a lil, and reminded how it's like to be alive.
Reply
Leave a comment