DRAMA FREE...WEDNESDAY?
Welcome once again to DRAMA FREE THURSDAY, my weekly whenever I can get to it attempt to improve the signal to noise ration on the Internet and LJ in particular. Wherein I discuss a behavior or behaviors that we've ALL seen that might not be the best things going and tend to bring out the worst in our Internet experience. And then I try to just remind us, that there's a better way. Now I mention this in the disclaimer, but the thing is that I'm not saying I don't engage in this behavior. Some of the reason I have insight into this stuff is because I have. Or maybe I haven't. In the end, that's secondary to the point, but I just wanted to make sure that new readers of this feature don't think I am lording something over them. I am not the Sword of Damocles, I am more the Spitball of DFT (that's short for DRAMA FREE THURSDAY).
Anyhoo, you also might note that today's DFT is being posted on a WEDNESDAY. I'm pretty much doing these things when I can right now. Just pay attention to the first 2 letters in DFT and we'll be fine. OK? Good.
So today I wanted to talk to you about what I like to call OSIJ or to make it a little clearer, The Over-Inflated Sense of Internet Justice.
Now we've all encountered this, some of us have even participated in it, and it works a little like this.
Joe is offended by something Karen has said. In the end, Joe really doesn't like Karen. They've defriended each other on LJ and FB and they aren't following each other on Twitter or Google+ anymore. But they have lots of mutual friends. That last bit is important. I'll get to it in a second.
So now something bad happens to Karen. It doesn't matter what it is. It goes from anything to she stubbed her toe, to she has cancer.
Joe hears about this through mutual friends. That privacy lock doesn't do anything except keep the people without accounts and not on your friend's list from accessing the info directly. If someone knows someone else on your list and they have a level of trust, information can and will be shared.
Not right. Not what we expect. But it happens.
It's how people are.
The only true secret is held by one person...you.
Anyway, back to the original point...Joe hears about Karen's troubles through mutual friends and...
Joe revels. He calls it "karma".
Whoa.
Really?
Really?
*makes overly exaggerated surprised face*
Really?
In the world of social networking, generally the worst anyone can do to you is talk badly about you and attempt to ruin your reputation. Or they might say something that hurts the core of something you believe in strongly.
And while that might not make them a person worth your time or attention.
While that might give you reason to not get along with them.
It in no way gives you any reason to enjoy their difficulties.
Now we can all rationalize the this..."But you don't know what they did!"
Actually, I have a pretty good idea.
There are some things that are exceptions and there are some things that are very heinous that people can do in this life and even virtually.
But most of the time, the DRAMA we see is a function of "I didn't like what he/she said/did."
And usually the thing that gets called "karma" is a sickness or a job loss or damage to home or property.
Things which tend not to affect only the object of your disdain, but their family and friends as well. People you don't necessarily know or who haven't earned that from you in any way shape or form.
And think about the scale.
"I didn't like what he/she said/did" versus any of the stuff I listed up there.
Um, the latter wins dude.
And this is all part of that OSIJ. That Over-inflated Sense of Internet Justice. Where every perceived offense (and I stress the word "perceived", because sometimes your @$$ is just wrong about the offense)...where every perceived offense requires retribution.
Really?
Really?
Getting even just keeps the DRAMA alive and keeps *YOU* from moving on with your life. Just like the whole "karma" thing. You end up being a prisoner of your feelings. For no good reasons. And in the end, does the person who offended you deserve to hurt at that level? The answer is probably not. Yes, there are exceptions to the rule, but what makes them exceptions is that they don't occur that often. The likelihood that your individual conflict is one of them...low.
And I know it's not an easy thing to do and yes, sometimes a little schadenfreude is OK, but what I find is that sometimes it's just not proportional. Especially on the Internet.
BTW - Yes, this post is inspired by my recent misfortunes and the knowledge that there are those taking pleasure in them. But I'm not the first and I have seen this too many times. So with a little kick in the pants by life, I address it. I'm nothing if not slow and lazy. :D
As always YMMV.
But what do I know, I'm just a guy with an LJ, doing his best to avoid OSIJ.
Peace and keep it DRAMA FREE,
- O. (aka popfiend)
The (too long, didn't read :D) fine print: For those of you new to the concept of DRAMA FREE THURSDAY, here's how it works: DFT is my attempt to improve the signal to noise ratio on the Internet as a whole and LJ in particular. It is my hope that my words help us to defuse conflicts before they even arise, provide resolution after they've happened or just reminding us that our online spaces can be used as more than virtual septic tanks for our lives. And while I can't fix anything, that's way above my pay grade, I'm hoping that my friendship and good humor (and maybe a tiny bit of "the smrt") can help us on our walk in this mysterious land of...El Jay. In the end, it's all part of my personal philosophy of "trying to leave it better than I found it."
Disclaimer: The first rule of DFT is YMMV (Your Mileage May Vary). Say it with me, "Your. Mileage. May. Vary." At the end of the day context matters and "it depends." There is no one way of doing things and sometimes this way ain't gonna work for you. This is one man's opinion and to say it's the only way is way above this one man's pay grade. The 2nd rule is YMMV. (Thank you Fight Club). :D
Also, if you can't do it, don't sweat it, you don't have to. No one is twisting your arm. Feel free to ignore the whole damn thing if you want. Like any other post, take from it what you will. And the final rule is since this is a DRAMA FREE THURSDAY post, do try to avoid starting DRAMA in the comments. Also, please note that I NEVER say that this stuff doesn't apply to me as the writer. Many times I'm writing from experience. The only time you can be certain I'm saying it applies only to you is if I say "I've never done this and it applies only to you." or words to that effect. Please remember, this is one man's opinion...not holy writ. I don't treat it that way and I certainly hope you don't.
Anyhoo, you also might note that today's DFT is being posted on a WEDNESDAY. I'm pretty much doing these things when I can right now. Just pay attention to the first 2 letters in DFT and we'll be fine. OK? Good.
So today I wanted to talk to you about what I like to call OSIJ or to make it a little clearer, The Over-Inflated Sense of Internet Justice.
Now we've all encountered this, some of us have even participated in it, and it works a little like this.
Joe is offended by something Karen has said. In the end, Joe really doesn't like Karen. They've defriended each other on LJ and FB and they aren't following each other on Twitter or Google+ anymore. But they have lots of mutual friends. That last bit is important. I'll get to it in a second.
So now something bad happens to Karen. It doesn't matter what it is. It goes from anything to she stubbed her toe, to she has cancer.
Joe hears about this through mutual friends. That privacy lock doesn't do anything except keep the people without accounts and not on your friend's list from accessing the info directly. If someone knows someone else on your list and they have a level of trust, information can and will be shared.
Not right. Not what we expect. But it happens.
It's how people are.
The only true secret is held by one person...you.
Anyway, back to the original point...Joe hears about Karen's troubles through mutual friends and...
Joe revels. He calls it "karma".
Whoa.
Really?
Really?
*makes overly exaggerated surprised face*
Really?
In the world of social networking, generally the worst anyone can do to you is talk badly about you and attempt to ruin your reputation. Or they might say something that hurts the core of something you believe in strongly.
And while that might not make them a person worth your time or attention.
While that might give you reason to not get along with them.
It in no way gives you any reason to enjoy their difficulties.
Now we can all rationalize the this..."But you don't know what they did!"
Actually, I have a pretty good idea.
There are some things that are exceptions and there are some things that are very heinous that people can do in this life and even virtually.
But most of the time, the DRAMA we see is a function of "I didn't like what he/she said/did."
And usually the thing that gets called "karma" is a sickness or a job loss or damage to home or property.
Things which tend not to affect only the object of your disdain, but their family and friends as well. People you don't necessarily know or who haven't earned that from you in any way shape or form.
And think about the scale.
"I didn't like what he/she said/did" versus any of the stuff I listed up there.
Um, the latter wins dude.
And this is all part of that OSIJ. That Over-inflated Sense of Internet Justice. Where every perceived offense (and I stress the word "perceived", because sometimes your @$$ is just wrong about the offense)...where every perceived offense requires retribution.
Really?
Really?
Getting even just keeps the DRAMA alive and keeps *YOU* from moving on with your life. Just like the whole "karma" thing. You end up being a prisoner of your feelings. For no good reasons. And in the end, does the person who offended you deserve to hurt at that level? The answer is probably not. Yes, there are exceptions to the rule, but what makes them exceptions is that they don't occur that often. The likelihood that your individual conflict is one of them...low.
And I know it's not an easy thing to do and yes, sometimes a little schadenfreude is OK, but what I find is that sometimes it's just not proportional. Especially on the Internet.
BTW - Yes, this post is inspired by my recent misfortunes and the knowledge that there are those taking pleasure in them. But I'm not the first and I have seen this too many times. So with a little kick in the pants by life, I address it. I'm nothing if not slow and lazy. :D
As always YMMV.
But what do I know, I'm just a guy with an LJ, doing his best to avoid OSIJ.
Peace and keep it DRAMA FREE,
- O. (aka popfiend)
The (too long, didn't read :D) fine print: For those of you new to the concept of DRAMA FREE THURSDAY, here's how it works: DFT is my attempt to improve the signal to noise ratio on the Internet as a whole and LJ in particular. It is my hope that my words help us to defuse conflicts before they even arise, provide resolution after they've happened or just reminding us that our online spaces can be used as more than virtual septic tanks for our lives. And while I can't fix anything, that's way above my pay grade, I'm hoping that my friendship and good humor (and maybe a tiny bit of "the smrt") can help us on our walk in this mysterious land of...El Jay. In the end, it's all part of my personal philosophy of "trying to leave it better than I found it."
Disclaimer: The first rule of DFT is YMMV (Your Mileage May Vary). Say it with me, "Your. Mileage. May. Vary." At the end of the day context matters and "it depends." There is no one way of doing things and sometimes this way ain't gonna work for you. This is one man's opinion and to say it's the only way is way above this one man's pay grade. The 2nd rule is YMMV. (Thank you Fight Club). :D
Also, if you can't do it, don't sweat it, you don't have to. No one is twisting your arm. Feel free to ignore the whole damn thing if you want. Like any other post, take from it what you will. And the final rule is since this is a DRAMA FREE THURSDAY post, do try to avoid starting DRAMA in the comments. Also, please note that I NEVER say that this stuff doesn't apply to me as the writer. Many times I'm writing from experience. The only time you can be certain I'm saying it applies only to you is if I say "I've never done this and it applies only to you." or words to that effect. Please remember, this is one man's opinion...not holy writ. I don't treat it that way and I certainly hope you don't.