three mile island...
the meltdown took effect today.
it got me sick.
throwing up. sweats. weakness. sore throat (from the throwing up)...
making me re-evaluate what i am doing.
what am i doing?
after being on a call today for almost an hour, putting the guy on hold so i can throw up a few times, i needed to leave before my mental meltdown spiraled more out of control.
i was fighting it all day... after my last evaluation which was less the stellar, mostly because of my "unplanned" time for being sick, i was trying my damnedest to hang in there but it got to the point where it wasn't motivation enough to stay.
there has been no hires for months. no hires to replace the ones that have either transferred out or just left the company. one person had their last day today.
"more with less" is the mantra that is the supposed fertilizer that they are trying to throw on us to... thinking that those words of pseudo-encouragement is going to urge us to work harder. to grow...
yes, we are all working harder. but honestly, are we giving more? honestly, to me, i don't think so. so much is thrown at us now that it is hard to keep up at the pace we are all were used to...
...when i first started, there was 17 people working in the department...
...after today, we have 6, with one on maternity leave, leaving only 5 until about august.
it's hard on everyone.
it's hard for me, and just trying to do my best to stay afloat and not get fired, which is why i didn't want to leave work today...
...but i did.
here i am - at 33 years old, and once again, i'm in a position at work where it seems like it is going nowhere.
i feel like i've gone nowhere.
there are people much younger than me moving on to bigger and better things throughout the company and i'm stuck. at the point where i was looking to advance, i couldn't, thanks to the evaluation. the hard work didn't matter...
...i'm at the point of regretting not taking school a little more seriously... should have taken advantage of it when i was younger like everyone else that i'm working with...
...they still have many chances and opportunities in their lives...
...i feel like i'm holding onto a thread, working as hard as i can with little to no results because of it...
with no 4 or 6 year degree, i feel like i've lost my opportunies already, and can at this point get what i can take...
...kind of amazed i got to where i am right now, but more amazed that i didn't do it a long time ago...
now i think i'm just talking babble - mostly because i'm tired, weak and my ambition is at an all-time low...
i'm trying to make things better... i just wish it the results were coming a little sooner than later...
need it for my sanity... need it for my future with becky...
..i need it bad.
i think that's about it for tonight. job applications sent out yesterday, and will probably send out more tomorrow...
...here's to another thread to hold onto...
time for bed...
let's see how long i can hang in tomorrow. if i'm sick, i still have to make it in...
...who else are they going to yell at on the phone because they didn't send in their payment on time and all of a sudden their coverage is turned off? sure, there would be four other people in the department but... why should they do it alone?
hang in, al. hang in.
yeah, i think it is time for bed and hope tomorrow becomes friday afternoon at about 4:31pm, because that would mean my ass would be in the car, going home to try to destress for two days... until having to go back on monday...
...and it all starts all over again.
'night.
it got me sick.
throwing up. sweats. weakness. sore throat (from the throwing up)...
making me re-evaluate what i am doing.
what am i doing?
after being on a call today for almost an hour, putting the guy on hold so i can throw up a few times, i needed to leave before my mental meltdown spiraled more out of control.
i was fighting it all day... after my last evaluation which was less the stellar, mostly because of my "unplanned" time for being sick, i was trying my damnedest to hang in there but it got to the point where it wasn't motivation enough to stay.
there has been no hires for months. no hires to replace the ones that have either transferred out or just left the company. one person had their last day today.
"more with less" is the mantra that is the supposed fertilizer that they are trying to throw on us to... thinking that those words of pseudo-encouragement is going to urge us to work harder. to grow...
yes, we are all working harder. but honestly, are we giving more? honestly, to me, i don't think so. so much is thrown at us now that it is hard to keep up at the pace we are all were used to...
...when i first started, there was 17 people working in the department...
...after today, we have 6, with one on maternity leave, leaving only 5 until about august.
it's hard on everyone.
it's hard for me, and just trying to do my best to stay afloat and not get fired, which is why i didn't want to leave work today...
...but i did.
here i am - at 33 years old, and once again, i'm in a position at work where it seems like it is going nowhere.
i feel like i've gone nowhere.
there are people much younger than me moving on to bigger and better things throughout the company and i'm stuck. at the point where i was looking to advance, i couldn't, thanks to the evaluation. the hard work didn't matter...
...i'm at the point of regretting not taking school a little more seriously... should have taken advantage of it when i was younger like everyone else that i'm working with...
...they still have many chances and opportunities in their lives...
...i feel like i'm holding onto a thread, working as hard as i can with little to no results because of it...
with no 4 or 6 year degree, i feel like i've lost my opportunies already, and can at this point get what i can take...
...kind of amazed i got to where i am right now, but more amazed that i didn't do it a long time ago...
now i think i'm just talking babble - mostly because i'm tired, weak and my ambition is at an all-time low...
i'm trying to make things better... i just wish it the results were coming a little sooner than later...
need it for my sanity... need it for my future with becky...
..i need it bad.
i think that's about it for tonight. job applications sent out yesterday, and will probably send out more tomorrow...
...here's to another thread to hold onto...
time for bed...
let's see how long i can hang in tomorrow. if i'm sick, i still have to make it in...
...who else are they going to yell at on the phone because they didn't send in their payment on time and all of a sudden their coverage is turned off? sure, there would be four other people in the department but... why should they do it alone?
hang in, al. hang in.
yeah, i think it is time for bed and hope tomorrow becomes friday afternoon at about 4:31pm, because that would mean my ass would be in the car, going home to try to destress for two days... until having to go back on monday...
...and it all starts all over again.
'night.