draining day...
"we would like to see al use his knowledge and experience to be a leader among his peers and maintain a positive attitude."
positive attitude? after the evaluation at work that i just got, i'm far from positive about anything anymore.
i thought this year was going to be a better year.
so far, not having a car, not getting a raise at work and on top of that, not being able to transfer out of my department because of my evaluation until another year...
i'm done.
just... done.
i'm just mentally drained right now and just really am about to lose it.
feel like the biggest loser - and not the ones on nbc that are dropping weight on thursday... but, am happy that i am losing some of the weight again, but after all that has gone on today - i'm in "emotional eater" mode.
hello, mc donald's. i deserve a break today and i'm lovin' it.
just clog my arteries enough, ok double cheeseburger meal?
those were my thoughts today after getting my evaluation this morning.
couldn't they have waited until the end of the day so i wouldn't have so much bitterness, resentment and lack of ambition the rest of the day?
but, it is now after all that...
...came home and my becky had me at calm - my saving grace for everything as always.
had bowling tonight. didn't bowl that well, but pretending the pins were the ones that gave me the crappy review, well, at least it made the game more fun for me tonight.
so, where am i now? somewhat stuck - can't transfer out of my department until my next review and if it is better, then i can. i can't get another job anywhere else - no car to get me there and where i am at now is at least in walking distance...
just have to suck it up at this point.
suck it up.
in better spirits right now, but my mind is still all over the place on thoughts on what i need to do...
since no raise, i have to look into lowering my withdrawl for my 401(k)... can't put in as much now, seeing that i'm not getting a raise.
am i bitter? yes. does this prevent me for going out much, after already cutting it out a good majority of it? yes.
am i worried about my finances?
yes. very.
a company that i have shown nothing but loyalty hasn't repaid me for the hard work i have done. i've been there the longest in my department, and i'm the least paid. i'm training people that are making $2500-$4000 more than me, they tell me that i could be a "leader among my peers" - if that is the case, where is the money to back that up? where is the morale that once was in the department? where is the support?
for a little less than a year, there hasn't been any. it is the reason why people in my department have been posting out as soon as their year time-frame was up. did i follow? no. i felt that i should have some loyalty and dedication to where i was, because at first, i was treated well.
now, the loyalty is gone, because they presented today a lack of it towards me.
hopefully, they will remember that when they want me to train someone - if i'm not meeting my expectations, well, then i guess i should be the "go to" person when it comes time when they get a new hire and put me in that position to show them what they are supposed to do. if i'm doing that poor, why have me be that "leader among my peers?"
i'm still trying to find the logic of it all...
...it will probably never come to light - that logic i'm searching for.
:sigh:
so, tonight i will be depressed.
tomorrow is another day... i'll still be bitter about everything, but.... unlike the ones who betrayed me, i won't betray them. i'll still come to work. i'll still do the best job that i can. i'll still have people come to me on how to go about doing certain things...
...i'll still resent how i've been treated today, the lack of pay i receive, the little-to-no incentives that our management team gives...
...but, i'll still come in and do my damn best...
...just don't expect a smile...
...right now, nothing to smile about while i'm there.
time for bed.
and, on a side note, i just want to thank everyone in livejournal/facebook/myspace who wished me a happy birthday - it truly did mean a lot to me and sorry i didn't get back to you all sooner.
now, goodnight.
positive attitude? after the evaluation at work that i just got, i'm far from positive about anything anymore.
i thought this year was going to be a better year.
so far, not having a car, not getting a raise at work and on top of that, not being able to transfer out of my department because of my evaluation until another year...
i'm done.
just... done.
i'm just mentally drained right now and just really am about to lose it.
feel like the biggest loser - and not the ones on nbc that are dropping weight on thursday... but, am happy that i am losing some of the weight again, but after all that has gone on today - i'm in "emotional eater" mode.
hello, mc donald's. i deserve a break today and i'm lovin' it.
just clog my arteries enough, ok double cheeseburger meal?
those were my thoughts today after getting my evaluation this morning.
couldn't they have waited until the end of the day so i wouldn't have so much bitterness, resentment and lack of ambition the rest of the day?
but, it is now after all that...
...came home and my becky had me at calm - my saving grace for everything as always.
had bowling tonight. didn't bowl that well, but pretending the pins were the ones that gave me the crappy review, well, at least it made the game more fun for me tonight.
so, where am i now? somewhat stuck - can't transfer out of my department until my next review and if it is better, then i can. i can't get another job anywhere else - no car to get me there and where i am at now is at least in walking distance...
just have to suck it up at this point.
suck it up.
in better spirits right now, but my mind is still all over the place on thoughts on what i need to do...
since no raise, i have to look into lowering my withdrawl for my 401(k)... can't put in as much now, seeing that i'm not getting a raise.
am i bitter? yes. does this prevent me for going out much, after already cutting it out a good majority of it? yes.
am i worried about my finances?
yes. very.
a company that i have shown nothing but loyalty hasn't repaid me for the hard work i have done. i've been there the longest in my department, and i'm the least paid. i'm training people that are making $2500-$4000 more than me, they tell me that i could be a "leader among my peers" - if that is the case, where is the money to back that up? where is the morale that once was in the department? where is the support?
for a little less than a year, there hasn't been any. it is the reason why people in my department have been posting out as soon as their year time-frame was up. did i follow? no. i felt that i should have some loyalty and dedication to where i was, because at first, i was treated well.
now, the loyalty is gone, because they presented today a lack of it towards me.
hopefully, they will remember that when they want me to train someone - if i'm not meeting my expectations, well, then i guess i should be the "go to" person when it comes time when they get a new hire and put me in that position to show them what they are supposed to do. if i'm doing that poor, why have me be that "leader among my peers?"
i'm still trying to find the logic of it all...
...it will probably never come to light - that logic i'm searching for.
:sigh:
so, tonight i will be depressed.
tomorrow is another day... i'll still be bitter about everything, but.... unlike the ones who betrayed me, i won't betray them. i'll still come to work. i'll still do the best job that i can. i'll still have people come to me on how to go about doing certain things...
...i'll still resent how i've been treated today, the lack of pay i receive, the little-to-no incentives that our management team gives...
...but, i'll still come in and do my damn best...
...just don't expect a smile...
...right now, nothing to smile about while i'm there.
time for bed.
and, on a side note, i just want to thank everyone in livejournal/facebook/myspace who wished me a happy birthday - it truly did mean a lot to me and sorry i didn't get back to you all sooner.
now, goodnight.