(no subject)
ah! i dont want to be here...i cant believe its monday...i hate mondays...UGH! this weekend was weird...i was so happy at some points, and then so down and depressed at other points. like...wow...emotional extreames with no rhyme or reason...its really starting to scare me though. i can be SO increadibly happy one minuete. and then the next im like compleatly upset and so close to tears its not even funny. with like no warning...
i've gotten so good at hidding the way i feel lately though, no one knows what i really feel inside...i just cant share that with people...i dont want to be the person on the outside that i can on the inside, i want to be all happy and care-free, and most the time i am...but not lately...lately the stupidest little shit make me like cry for hours...shit that no one would even think would bother me...and its not you guys (my friends) that im taking about. so dont worry. most likely if your reading this, im not talking about you...then again...i dont know who reads this entry...so yeah...i might be talking about YOU.
alright. so...my weekend started out ok...i guess...i got outta school early, went home and slept. then joe called, i visited him on brake, and we made plans for later. i went home, took another nap, helped my mommy get ready to go out, then ordered the pizza, picked up a movie at blockbuster, got the pizza, got gas, and met joe after work. we went back to my house, watched the movie and ate the pizza...we did some other shit too, but thats ok, i dont think you guys care that much. so yeah...my parents were suppost to call before they came home, but they didnt, so it was a horrible shock to hear them downstairs...he was asleep on my lap, and yeah, i didnt feel like getting up. but i had to, so yeah, got up wicked fast, picked up the first random movie, through it in the DVD player, and found a random scene. so it looked like we were watching a movie. then i went downstairs. said hi to my parents and went back upstairs. hehe...
then his mom called because his cell doesnt work at my house, so yeah, then 12 came around, and my parents told me he had to go at 12, so we said bye and he left...=-( that was depressing, i hate saying good-bye to him..i hate when we have to say bye. its sad. but nothing we can do about it, so whatever.
so he leaves, i talk to my mommy for a little and he calls my cell phone, so i hang up- because i have horrible service at my house, and call him on the house phone. i love talking to him =-). so yeah, stayed up till like...i dont know 1:30 or so on the phone, and then went to sleep.
saturday morning...ugh! had to get up early, pick up my cousin, and go to waterford and paint this old building...that sucked...dont ask...but on my way to pick douga up, i drove past Joes and his mom wasnt home, it took everything in me to not stop and just go fall asleep with him....i wanted to SO fucking bad. but i couldnt. so yeah, i pick up my cousin, text joe telling him good morning and that i wanted to be with him, then drove to waterford...had to bring douga to his class, and waited outside in my car for an hour, for the hour, i was on the phone with joe...=-) made me happy. he was SO FUCKING cute when he answered...=-D so yeah, then painted from 11 till 3 and had made plans to meet joe at his house at 3:30. but he called and said that he had to bring his father home, so yeah...i was on my way back to my house, and i drove past joe, so i called him and he said he was going to his dads house, and i could come over, but i really wanted to go home and shower before i hung out with him, so i told him i'd call him when i got outta the shower, and we could figure something out. so yeah, i did, and we ended up having to go to westbrook with his dad. while we were there, we desided that we were going to go to the movies later. so we checked the times, and then had to bring his dad back home, but they were hungrey, so we got chinese food. i didnt want any...but joe force fed me two pieces of chicken because i hadnt eaten all day and he was worried. so then we went back to the movie theater. but they wouldnt sell us the tickets because we werent both 17...UGH! that pissed me off so much...SO FUCKING MUCH! so then we went back to his car, then i thought that my parents werent going to be home, so we desided to go back there, but i figured id call just incase, so i called and my dad answered...fuck! so now we couldnt go there, so we tried his moms house, she wasnt home, but was going to be in like an hour. he had to get his cell phone charger anyways, so we went there for like 45 mins, then went back to his dads house...i watched his play some video game for a little, then we went upstairs and watched what was left of "Saving Priate Ryan"...ew! thats all i can say, then we had to leave by 10:30. so he drove me back to my car. we stayed there until i had to go...(11:45)...when i left he mentioned that we werent going to be able to hang out until tuesday. =-( thats so fucking sad!
so i get home, and i was just like..really really tired...so yeah, i went to bed hoping that i wouldn t have to go to church and would just we able to sleep...but of corse i wouldbt be able to...my mom wakes me up and makes me go. UGH! so i sit in the back with AJ...texting back and forth with joe the entire time...we desided that im going to visit him on brake and yeah. so i drop my mom off at home, and at 12:30 i got see joe. =-) that we the last time i got to see him...=-( it was only 20 mins...but i love being with him so its ok. so then i went home and i was in one of those "no one loves me so im going to sit and watch depressing movies and think about how no one loves me" moods...so i watched Thirteen, and wrote joe the longest letter...opening up SO fucking much, im so scared to give it to him...but i know i have to...
so my parents get home, and we're all starving, so we deside to get pizza. my mom orders it, and we both go to get it. well. on the way there, my cell vibrates...meaning i have a voice message. so i listen to it, and its joe. wondering what im doing that night, so i said that i should invite him over to watch the movie that we were going to rent with me and my parents, and of corse my mom flips a shit. telling me that i need to, basically, stop being so easy and always there when he calls. basically telling me to play hard to get. so yeah...i wasnt allowed to invite him over...but he wouldnt have come anyways, he was busy...ish..i called him when we got to blockbuster, and he said that his game was over, and was just wondering what to do. said he'd call me later. so yeah...
we get home, watch the stupidest movie of all time ... "charlie and the chocolate factory" the new one with Johnny Depp. it was AWEFUL!!! dont ever see it. it was over at like.. 9...and i was wicked tired...
so iwent upstairs and figure i'd just listen to music, talk to people online and zone-out until he called. ...well...that didnt happen, i fell asleep at 9:30, and woke up at 11:40. when my phone started going off...so i looked at it, and he had texted me at like 11:04 asking if i was awake...so i texted him back saying yes, and he called me. we talked for like 10 mins, but he was at his dads, and he had bad reception there, so he said he'd talk to me later, and yeah...that was that...
like i said, i dont get to see him tonight...im really sad...but i guess its a good thing...i see him like everyday...and i guess as my mom says it'll be good to not see him for a day...=-( i want to be with him though...UGH! i dont want to have to work tonight
i want to color my hair again...more highlights...but i dont know when...i work monday, tuesday and thursday. im always with joe on wednesday and yeah...i dont know when, i guess friday or saturday...*sigh* whatever.
i've gotten so good at hidding the way i feel lately though, no one knows what i really feel inside...i just cant share that with people...i dont want to be the person on the outside that i can on the inside, i want to be all happy and care-free, and most the time i am...but not lately...lately the stupidest little shit make me like cry for hours...shit that no one would even think would bother me...and its not you guys (my friends) that im taking about. so dont worry. most likely if your reading this, im not talking about you...then again...i dont know who reads this entry...so yeah...i might be talking about YOU.
alright. so...my weekend started out ok...i guess...i got outta school early, went home and slept. then joe called, i visited him on brake, and we made plans for later. i went home, took another nap, helped my mommy get ready to go out, then ordered the pizza, picked up a movie at blockbuster, got the pizza, got gas, and met joe after work. we went back to my house, watched the movie and ate the pizza...we did some other shit too, but thats ok, i dont think you guys care that much. so yeah...my parents were suppost to call before they came home, but they didnt, so it was a horrible shock to hear them downstairs...he was asleep on my lap, and yeah, i didnt feel like getting up. but i had to, so yeah, got up wicked fast, picked up the first random movie, through it in the DVD player, and found a random scene. so it looked like we were watching a movie. then i went downstairs. said hi to my parents and went back upstairs. hehe...
then his mom called because his cell doesnt work at my house, so yeah, then 12 came around, and my parents told me he had to go at 12, so we said bye and he left...=-( that was depressing, i hate saying good-bye to him..i hate when we have to say bye. its sad. but nothing we can do about it, so whatever.
so he leaves, i talk to my mommy for a little and he calls my cell phone, so i hang up- because i have horrible service at my house, and call him on the house phone. i love talking to him =-). so yeah, stayed up till like...i dont know 1:30 or so on the phone, and then went to sleep.
saturday morning...ugh! had to get up early, pick up my cousin, and go to waterford and paint this old building...that sucked...dont ask...but on my way to pick douga up, i drove past Joes and his mom wasnt home, it took everything in me to not stop and just go fall asleep with him....i wanted to SO fucking bad. but i couldnt. so yeah, i pick up my cousin, text joe telling him good morning and that i wanted to be with him, then drove to waterford...had to bring douga to his class, and waited outside in my car for an hour, for the hour, i was on the phone with joe...=-) made me happy. he was SO FUCKING cute when he answered...=-D so yeah, then painted from 11 till 3 and had made plans to meet joe at his house at 3:30. but he called and said that he had to bring his father home, so yeah...i was on my way back to my house, and i drove past joe, so i called him and he said he was going to his dads house, and i could come over, but i really wanted to go home and shower before i hung out with him, so i told him i'd call him when i got outta the shower, and we could figure something out. so yeah, i did, and we ended up having to go to westbrook with his dad. while we were there, we desided that we were going to go to the movies later. so we checked the times, and then had to bring his dad back home, but they were hungrey, so we got chinese food. i didnt want any...but joe force fed me two pieces of chicken because i hadnt eaten all day and he was worried. so then we went back to the movie theater. but they wouldnt sell us the tickets because we werent both 17...UGH! that pissed me off so much...SO FUCKING MUCH! so then we went back to his car, then i thought that my parents werent going to be home, so we desided to go back there, but i figured id call just incase, so i called and my dad answered...fuck! so now we couldnt go there, so we tried his moms house, she wasnt home, but was going to be in like an hour. he had to get his cell phone charger anyways, so we went there for like 45 mins, then went back to his dads house...i watched his play some video game for a little, then we went upstairs and watched what was left of "Saving Priate Ryan"...ew! thats all i can say, then we had to leave by 10:30. so he drove me back to my car. we stayed there until i had to go...(11:45)...when i left he mentioned that we werent going to be able to hang out until tuesday. =-( thats so fucking sad!
so i get home, and i was just like..really really tired...so yeah, i went to bed hoping that i wouldn t have to go to church and would just we able to sleep...but of corse i wouldbt be able to...my mom wakes me up and makes me go. UGH! so i sit in the back with AJ...texting back and forth with joe the entire time...we desided that im going to visit him on brake and yeah. so i drop my mom off at home, and at 12:30 i got see joe. =-) that we the last time i got to see him...=-( it was only 20 mins...but i love being with him so its ok. so then i went home and i was in one of those "no one loves me so im going to sit and watch depressing movies and think about how no one loves me" moods...so i watched Thirteen, and wrote joe the longest letter...opening up SO fucking much, im so scared to give it to him...but i know i have to...
so my parents get home, and we're all starving, so we deside to get pizza. my mom orders it, and we both go to get it. well. on the way there, my cell vibrates...meaning i have a voice message. so i listen to it, and its joe. wondering what im doing that night, so i said that i should invite him over to watch the movie that we were going to rent with me and my parents, and of corse my mom flips a shit. telling me that i need to, basically, stop being so easy and always there when he calls. basically telling me to play hard to get. so yeah...i wasnt allowed to invite him over...but he wouldnt have come anyways, he was busy...ish..i called him when we got to blockbuster, and he said that his game was over, and was just wondering what to do. said he'd call me later. so yeah...
we get home, watch the stupidest movie of all time ... "charlie and the chocolate factory" the new one with Johnny Depp. it was AWEFUL!!! dont ever see it. it was over at like.. 9...and i was wicked tired...
so iwent upstairs and figure i'd just listen to music, talk to people online and zone-out until he called. ...well...that didnt happen, i fell asleep at 9:30, and woke up at 11:40. when my phone started going off...so i looked at it, and he had texted me at like 11:04 asking if i was awake...so i texted him back saying yes, and he called me. we talked for like 10 mins, but he was at his dads, and he had bad reception there, so he said he'd talk to me later, and yeah...that was that...
like i said, i dont get to see him tonight...im really sad...but i guess its a good thing...i see him like everyday...and i guess as my mom says it'll be good to not see him for a day...=-( i want to be with him though...UGH! i dont want to have to work tonight
i want to color my hair again...more highlights...but i dont know when...i work monday, tuesday and thursday. im always with joe on wednesday and yeah...i dont know when, i guess friday or saturday...*sigh* whatever.