desperation
im sick of looking at myself in the mirror. i have been working out for one month as of today, and i have gained about 4 pounds. im not too suprised since some of it must be muscle weight, but some is fat too. fat is supposed to outweigh muscle, but everytime i look in the mirror when i have my shirt off, i dont see it. all i can see is this fat guy who cannot reach his goal. i kno that its only been a month and results from lifting dont truly occur for about 6 to even 12 months, but its just depressing. im tired of looking this way. i would give nething to have great body. i dont need to look like im hyped up on steroids, but i wanna look good. yea for girls, but for myself too. i need a feeling of accomplishment and self-worth. for those of u reading this who are not overweight by as much as i am and do not look nething like i do, plz, keep ur judgements to urself. dont assume that this entry is stupid becuz u dont care what ppl look like. cuz me, i dont care what ppl look like, except when it comes to my own body. and unless u are me, u really dont know. if u have something positive to say, plz do so, i would greatly appreciate it. if ur thoughts are negative, fuck off.