Lost...
Sometimes it seems like I doubt every choice I make, and what if this and what if that. Truthfully I am not doing as well as I should be at UMF. I think this college isn't where I want to be. But the question remains where do I want to be? I am very unsure, but I do want a degree in some college. I hate it because sometimes I feel like I don't love Jillian enough to be with her like I planned. I feel like I wont give her the feelings she has for me. It hasn't been that long since we started seeing eachother. Still I want to love her like she loves me. It is very confusing and hard to wonder if this is right, not just school her and everthing else that goes along with it. I do love her, but I dont know to what extent. I will have to really examine my feelings on this. I know I could live with her and marry her even, but that doesn't mean I love her, and that is what I want.
Then there is something else that bugs me but I can't figure out why it does so much. I guess it's because I thought different from what would happen and what happened. I feel empty like something is missing. Of course I always have that feeling, but it has become very intense! I want more than this life, and I know I can do anything I put my mind to. I need to take some huge steps and major chances. Maybe college isn't for me, I feel like it's not. All the people that just party and have sex, that isn't me. I want one person but always get confused on who it should be; not to mention messing it up some how. I want the feeling of being completely sure like a year ago.
*Jill* I do care about you! I love you too. I just wish I could have some peace in that "thing". You know what it's about. I hate that it still affects me. I wish that I didn't care, but I do... It's why I check up, make sure things are ok. Before the "thing", I never cared. After I went back to not caring. Hopefully you make me feel the same. I love you Jill!
Then there is something else that bugs me but I can't figure out why it does so much. I guess it's because I thought different from what would happen and what happened. I feel empty like something is missing. Of course I always have that feeling, but it has become very intense! I want more than this life, and I know I can do anything I put my mind to. I need to take some huge steps and major chances. Maybe college isn't for me, I feel like it's not. All the people that just party and have sex, that isn't me. I want one person but always get confused on who it should be; not to mention messing it up some how. I want the feeling of being completely sure like a year ago.
*Jill* I do care about you! I love you too. I just wish I could have some peace in that "thing". You know what it's about. I hate that it still affects me. I wish that I didn't care, but I do... It's why I check up, make sure things are ok. Before the "thing", I never cared. After I went back to not caring. Hopefully you make me feel the same. I love you Jill!