do you really want to leave it all to chance?
young alcoholics amaze me... "threating your life, just to feel alive, cuz you're so numb to the world and everyone in it, including you. you can be the most selfish of outwardly seemingly selfless people. utterly complex, kowningly self-absorbed, incomplete and totally uncontrolable yet defently filled with what seems to be a complete and total lack of compassion."
how do you help someone who needs so much help, but doesn't know it and/or doesn't want it, for whatever reason... it's so hard to handle, i don't even understand it yet i do, it's strange...
when meds start to fail and mind turns into memoryless mush... where do you go, write it down and wait. it has gotten so bad in my mind i don't even know, cuz i just forget. it's like i'm helping myself survive by subconciously tucking it all away, never to return it's ugly face, it merely lets me hear it's ugly little voice.... so hard, so freaking hard to live... it shouldn't be this bad... it just shouldn't
as far as my enviroment is concerned, i am numb. cuz there is so much for my mind to deal with ( that is all brought on by my mind itself and it's own imbalances) that i can't do both, so to survive i subconciously become emotionless to my suroundings, merely to stay in my suroundings.... does this make any sense to you? if it does for the love of god let me know... i need someone to understand even a little... otherwise, is it really worth it for me? knowing what i know?.... cuz really "knowing nothing IS better then knowing at all" cuz how do you know if anyone knows anything? who is real, who is genuine? toaism.... at heart i am a taoist, i just dont' know it.
i can't know myself until i understand myself, and i can't understand myself until i know myself... can you even fathom my dilema? cuz i'm too numb to it all right now that i can't, i just need love, unconditional true love... friends need to know when to step up... but i'm to numb to realize when they are stepping up.... damn this sucks.... lets just get through kay? well i'm trying, anyone care to join?
how do you help someone who needs so much help, but doesn't know it and/or doesn't want it, for whatever reason... it's so hard to handle, i don't even understand it yet i do, it's strange...
when meds start to fail and mind turns into memoryless mush... where do you go, write it down and wait. it has gotten so bad in my mind i don't even know, cuz i just forget. it's like i'm helping myself survive by subconciously tucking it all away, never to return it's ugly face, it merely lets me hear it's ugly little voice.... so hard, so freaking hard to live... it shouldn't be this bad... it just shouldn't
as far as my enviroment is concerned, i am numb. cuz there is so much for my mind to deal with ( that is all brought on by my mind itself and it's own imbalances) that i can't do both, so to survive i subconciously become emotionless to my suroundings, merely to stay in my suroundings.... does this make any sense to you? if it does for the love of god let me know... i need someone to understand even a little... otherwise, is it really worth it for me? knowing what i know?.... cuz really "knowing nothing IS better then knowing at all" cuz how do you know if anyone knows anything? who is real, who is genuine? toaism.... at heart i am a taoist, i just dont' know it.
i can't know myself until i understand myself, and i can't understand myself until i know myself... can you even fathom my dilema? cuz i'm too numb to it all right now that i can't, i just need love, unconditional true love... friends need to know when to step up... but i'm to numb to realize when they are stepping up.... damn this sucks.... lets just get through kay? well i'm trying, anyone care to join?