WordContest 2004.06.24

[poormattie]

In honor of the fact that Ambrose Bierce's birthday was today (back in 1842), I'm running a little contest.

If you're not familiar with Bierce, he's a 19th century author. One work that he's particularly well-known for is The Devil's Dictionary. This was a newspaper serialization of many satirical definitions that, at times, pushed the envelope regarding what was socially acceptable for print. It was quite cynical and usually quite humorous.

There are plenty of good examples:

• CAT, n.
  A soft, indestructible automaton provided by nature to be kicked when things go wrong in the domestic circle.
• CONSERVATIVE, n.
  A statesman who is enamored of existing evils, as distinguished from the Liberal, who wishes to replace them with others.
• DIPLOMACY, n.
  The patriotic art of lying for one's country.
• FORK, n.
  An instrument used chiefly for the purpose of putting dead animals into the mouth. Formerly the knife was employed for this purpose, and by many worthy persons is still thought to have many advantages over the other tool, which, however, they do not altogether reject, but use to assist in charging the knife. The immunity of these persons from swift and awful death is one of the most striking proofs of God's mercy to those that hate Him.
• FUTURE, n.
  That period of time in which our affairs prosper, our friends are true and our happiness is assured.
• MIRACLE, n.
  An act or event out of the order of nature and unaccountable, as beating a normal hand of four kings and an ace with four aces and a king.
• UN-AMERICAN, adj.
  Wicked, intolerable, heathenish.

Your task, if you choose to accept it, is to devilishly define the following five modern terms:

• weblog
• terrorism
• NASA
• reboot
• credit card

Later this week, I will pick my favorite definition for each one and announce the winners. Good luck.