Putting things in perspective
Visiting Oside last night was awesome. Chase was kind enough to let me HAVE 2.3 gs worth of shrooms and everything fell in to perspective. I stared at Jens's popcorn ceiling to find magical designs and rainbow colored animals, moving in an ocean-like motion through out the room. Everyone I spoke to had shone with goodness and purity. As Nina said there's a lot of character involvement with this type of substance. If only the movie and the feelings were real. I sat in the backyard staring at the industrial park. At one moment Nina appeared so beautiful (not that she isn't already), but who would think that such dull lights of an area of business, routine, and conformity could place pastels on her cheeks and set her a flame as a golden statue amongst the darkness and sorrow of a left behind home? Other than that I felt as if I had reconciled with all of my problems. I admired Eric's free spirit and have realize what I have been in conflict with all my life. I'm a lazy son of a bitch. I don't want to go to college. I want to sit on a wooden patio in a rocking chair drinking lemonade all day long--being some useless housewife. But once again the pressures of society call back to you. None of that can be possible without going through the stress, pain, fear, and fruitful progress of work and school. The only issue that remained unsolved was the selfishness of my father spending my college money on fucking lights in the backyard. The only solution I could see at the time was to kill him. But that would be the drugs talking--or maybe in a worse case scenario, that would be the truth talking. Either way I am as impotent as a sexless 92 yr. old man in defeating my father until I have trekked through this mindless world of jobs and work and lack of play in order to reach a mid-life crisis. It seems pointless, huh? In my hour of soberness I do not understand why we keep going. I think false hopes lead us to go on. We are all in fear of missing out on what could be. On that note, I tell you now as Eric told me "anything is fucking possible"...all relying on how much you want it.