Canvas and acryllics
For some reason, Christmas 2003 is the worst for myself and friends. Christmas Eve dinner was way less than spectacular, my dad left to go talk to his internet friends online, while the rest of us complained about how it just doesn't feel right this year. Mom thought we were critiquing her cooking, and she continues to miscommunicate throughout today. Anyways, almost at the point of tears, I go upstairs to retrieve father dearest. His excuse was that he was sick and didn't want us to catch it. I'd rather not fall for the lie that he is actually putting us before himself. He was talking to his girlfriend. I told him it didn't feel right without him downstairs and he complied...but he went to watch tv. I spent 5/6 of my birthday/x mas money on presents for other people. I barely got a card from my friends. Don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to be selfish...I just, wish I was able to get something for myself. I rarely have money and it happens like this every year. I but other people things with all of my money. Jens didn't even give me a present on x mas, he left it at home...card and all. It's Led Zeppelin Early and Later Days. It just would have been nice to listen to, while I chose to stay at home and do laundry and clean house and homework, to help out my mom...to not let her feel so left out and alone instead of going to a family party with Jens. I chose to stay with my very broken apart family instead of escaping it for once. I'm beginning to regret it severely. I hate Christmas. There's no point of togetherness. No point to go shopping. I haven't received an ounce of happiness or thoughtfulness or good cheer. The people that make me happy, are too busy being happy with people who care about them. I'm going to buy paints with what's left of my x mas money and paint a pretty picture, of what could never be.