an open letter
Inspired by the comments in this post directly, and many other similar comments indirectly.
Dear Well-Meaning Men of the Universe:
Look, we get it. You see an attractive woman and you want to approach her without being an asshole and don't know how. Asking how to do that is totally fine, and awesome.
Here is what not fine: reading about a woman's feelings about being catcalled/approached in public/feeling harassed and responding with something like, "I understand your pain, but seeing something like this is really disheartening for me because it makes me scared to ever approach women!"
Because you know what that does? That makes the woman responsible for your discomfort because she shared her feelings. The real problem here, we can all agree, is that some guys are douchebags and make women feel uncomfortable in public. But when you respond in this manner, you make it sound like the problem is not that some guys are douchebags, but that some women share that male attention can make them feel uncomfortable, and now because you have this horrible knowledge, you will never be able to approach a woman.
I'm not going to give you a step-by-step guide to approaching strangers here. In all honestly, I am writing porn right now and I want to get back to that. I'm sure you know someone who will explain that. All I really want to say is this: do not look at a post that boils down to I DISLIKE IT WHEN DUDES ARE DOUCHEBAGS and say "this makes me sad because I am not a douchebag but now that I know this I will never be able to interact with a woman." I'm sorry that my discomfort gets in the way of you meeting people. If it helps, my total social awkwardness gets in the way of my meeting people. Hell, I also fail at talking to pretty girls. This happens to everyone!
Just, you know. Do the world a favor. Don't tell people not to share their feelings on a culture of misogyny because it screws with your already struggling game. This will also make you more attractive to women! Bonus.
Love,
Chash
Dear Well-Meaning Men of the Universe:
Look, we get it. You see an attractive woman and you want to approach her without being an asshole and don't know how. Asking how to do that is totally fine, and awesome.
Here is what not fine: reading about a woman's feelings about being catcalled/approached in public/feeling harassed and responding with something like, "I understand your pain, but seeing something like this is really disheartening for me because it makes me scared to ever approach women!"
Because you know what that does? That makes the woman responsible for your discomfort because she shared her feelings. The real problem here, we can all agree, is that some guys are douchebags and make women feel uncomfortable in public. But when you respond in this manner, you make it sound like the problem is not that some guys are douchebags, but that some women share that male attention can make them feel uncomfortable, and now because you have this horrible knowledge, you will never be able to approach a woman.
I'm not going to give you a step-by-step guide to approaching strangers here. In all honestly, I am writing porn right now and I want to get back to that. I'm sure you know someone who will explain that. All I really want to say is this: do not look at a post that boils down to I DISLIKE IT WHEN DUDES ARE DOUCHEBAGS and say "this makes me sad because I am not a douchebag but now that I know this I will never be able to interact with a woman." I'm sorry that my discomfort gets in the way of you meeting people. If it helps, my total social awkwardness gets in the way of my meeting people. Hell, I also fail at talking to pretty girls. This happens to everyone!
Just, you know. Do the world a favor. Don't tell people not to share their feelings on a culture of misogyny because it screws with your already struggling game. This will also make you more attractive to women! Bonus.
Love,
Chash