(no subject)
fiskusthesccrfr: heyyy
fiskusthesccrfr: what happened kiddo??:?
esheply: with me leaving?
Auto response from fiskusthesccrfr: chillin in the apt ... movie, a couple cold ones... drop by if you want
fiskusthesccrfr: yeah, so sudden
fiskusthesccrfr: i'm sad
fiskusthesccrfr: i didn't even get to say bye
esheply: i know, i'm sorry
esheply: but i really had to geto ut of there.
esheply: i don't think it was good for me at all.
fiskusthesccrfr: yeah, i can understand that
fiskusthesccrfr: there any chance of you comin back?
esheply: probably not.
esheply: i think the only thing that was making me feel that i did like it was dave.
esheply: like i was so focused on him that i didn't realize how much i didn't like the school.
fiskusthesccrfr: well we all still love you!
esheply: i know
fiskusthesccrfr: yeah, i can understand that
esheply: and it was hard for me to leave you guys
esheply: but i just don't think i'm ready for schol right now
esheply: i don't know
esheply: it's kinodf complicated.
esheply: there are just a lot of things
esheply: and i couldn't take them all at once.
esheply: i would have failed out if i hadn't withdrawn
fiskusthesccrfr: oh no, i'm sorry to ask about it... just tell me if i go too far
fiskusthesccrfr: that's ok, i totally understand
esheply: yeah.
esheply: ugghhhh i just love him so much
esheply: i haven't EVER loved anyone this much
esheply: it's so hard... like, if you love someone, you should want to be with them.
esheply: he says he's just not ready for a serious relationship right now
esheply: and it's hard for me to understand because he says taht he still cares about me
esheply: i don't get how someone can love a person and not think that being with them is the right thing to do.
fiskusthesccrfr: yeah ... i'm sure i'm no where to the extent where you are at, but i've been in serious relationships and stuff and kinda know what you're tlakin about
esheply: i mean, i know it's a guy thing, but i just don't get it.
fiskusthesccrfr: maybe it's just time that he needs, i mean everyone copes with everything a little different
fiskusthesccrfr: i dont see the reasoning in it, but i mean somehow he does, and that's just how he understands it
esheply: yeah.... and i was his first real girlfriend.
fiskusthesccrfr: mmhmm
esheply: and we've talked about it a lot
esheply: and he says that we'll still talk, and eventually start hanging out again
esheply: but like
esheply: i haven't heard from him in a few days
fiskusthesccrfr: so maybe he just needs a bit of time before he takes it to another levewl
esheply: and i'm just scared that i'll never see him again
fiskusthesccrfr: yeah... this is me over the past month, but obviously yours is a lot bigger scale
esheply: he is such a great person... i can't lose him completely.
fiskusthesccrfr: you'll see him again... i dont doubt that
fiskusthesccrfr: not a single doubt in my mind
esheply: ohhh i hope you're right.
esheply: i love him
esheply: so
esheply: SO
esheply: much
fiskusthesccrfr: oh i know, i could tell
esheply: i don't think anyone really gets how much i care about him...
esheply: not even hm.
esheply: him
fiskusthesccrfr: and i only see you once ina while!
fiskusthesccrfr: welll sounds like that's what love is
esheply: oh i know i'm in love
esheply: i just can't explain it, it's so intenst
esheply: e
esheply: maybe i scared him off
esheply: because of that
esheply: you know?
fiskusthesccrfr: i understand your inability to explain as a way to express how much you love him
fiskusthesccrfr: maybe, who knows
esheply: ahhh :'(
esheply: well he said that i didn't do anything that made him come to his decision
esheply: and i actually asked him if i was like intimidating him kindof
esheply: and he ensured that that wasn't the case.
esheply: ahhhh i just hate this so much.... all i want is to be with him.
fiskusthesccrfr: well i dunno if he knows what hit him at the point and time
esheply: that's what my mom said...
esheply: she's like... you know, erin... if he doesn't come back, someday he'll realize that you were the one who got away.
fiskusthesccrfr: oh yeah
fiskusthesccrfr: definitely
esheply: but i don't want him to be the one who got away either
fiskusthesccrfr: just give it a bit of time, he'll realize
esheply: i'm trying....
esheply: i mean it has only been 6 days
esheply: i don't know how much longer i can take
esheply: and like this has happened to me before
esheply: with my first serious relationship...
esheply: we were together for a year and a couple months
fiskusthesccrfr: mmhmm
esheply: and we broke up (he lied to me... blah blah) and he was like "i just need some time"
esheply: and he didn't talk to me at all for two weeks
esheply: so i got fed up with it and just started doing my own thing
fiskusthesccrfr: yeah
esheply: and he came back after a month and was like... i want to try again,...
esheply: so we tried again, but it only lasted for like a week
fiskusthesccrfr: well maybe give him two weeks max then try to make something happen again
esheply: ididn't want to get hurt again so i decided that it wasn't a good idea for us to be back together
fiskusthesccrfr: yeha
esheply: and now i don't talk to the guy at all... i really have no desire at all to talk to him
esheply: i don't want that to happen with dave
fiskusthesccrfr: well sounds like this one's gunna be a winner
esheply: like i said before
esheply: he is SUCH a great person
fiskusthesccrfr: well give him a bit of space and time and then come back to it and force your will upon it
esheply: i don't want to not have him in my life.
esheply: i know, i'm really trying.
fiskusthesccrfr: yeha, well you'll have to tell him that then
esheply: but like that could be months before he comes around
fiskusthesccrfr: personally i dont think it'll take that long
esheply: like i was saying to him.... maybe we can go snowboarding in the winter, or maybe i'll see you on thanksgiving break
fiskusthesccrfr: he'll know soon, real soon
fiskusthesccrfr: OH, HELL YES
esheply: and he was justl ike "yeahhh"
esheply: like
fiskusthesccrfr: we're definitely going snowboarding
esheply: he wasn't so sure
fiskusthesccrfr: we'll make it happen
fiskusthesccrfr: if i have to go pick him up and drag his ass out, snowboarding is a group effort, and it's gunna happen
fiskusthesccrfr: we're goin every year, all of us, the same group from last year
esheply: hah yeah...
esheply: i'm three hours away now, though.
fiskusthesccrfr: plus then you can get out and about and we can see eachother again
esheply: yeah
fiskusthesccrfr: well it's only every couple weekends
esheply: oh and another thing that i'm afraid of....
fiskusthesccrfr: you can come up for the weekend
esheply: like with me being away... what if that makes him really think that things won't ever work.
esheply: ?
esheply: OHHHHH
fiskusthesccrfr: no
fiskusthesccrfr: wont
esheply: and i asked him if he thinks we could possibly get back together in the future
fiskusthesccrfr: if you love someone you find a way to be with them
esheply: and at first he was like... maybe someday we can get back together
esheply: but then ia sked him again a few days later
esheply: and he was like... i don't think so
fiskusthesccrfr: what
fiskusthesccrfr: i'm gunna go knock some sense into this kid
fiskusthesccrfr: what the hell
esheply: and i'm just getting scared becausei haven't heard from him in a few days
esheply: i can't lose him, andrew
fiskusthesccrfr: i dont think you should worry about that, and you wont
fiskusthesccrfr: i promise you
esheply: i was watching runaway bride today with my mom, aunt, and cousin...
esheply: and this was one of the quotes in the movie...
esheply: I guarantee there'll be tough times. I guarantee that at some point, one or both of us is gonna want to get out of this thing. But I also guarantee that if I don't ask you to be mine, I'll regret it for the rest of my life, because I know, in my heart, you're the only one for me.
esheply: i waslike... ohhhh myyyy Goddddddd
esheply: that's me.
fiskusthesccrfr: haha money!
esheply: i don't want to be without him.
esheply: everrr
esheply: and i know that sounds ridiculous
fiskusthesccrfr: well then you just have to make sure it doesn't happen
esheply: because i'm so young
esheply: but...
esheply: ugha
esheply: sdflkj
fiskusthesccrfr: ;lakjd;lkf jasdslkdsjassddd
esheply: well imean i can't really do too much about it.... it's up to him, really.
fiskusthesccrfr: just let it out
esheply: and i'm really sorry i didn't tell you that i wasleaving.
fiskusthesccrfr: well he'll make up his mind and if it's not in your favor, you just gotta change his mind and show him what you're missin
fiskusthesccrfr: he's missin*
fiskusthesccrfr: it's ok, i understand, you had bigger things to think about
esheply: i still feel really bad
esheply: i just feel bad about everything right now
esheply: ugh
esheply: i don't want to do anything.
fiskusthesccrfr: if it makes you feel any better you're ahead of the game, i'm still tryin to find someone!
esheply: i have to start applying to new schools on like monday
fiskusthesccrfr: my big one fell through hardcore
esheply: and i just don't want to
esheply: i don't feel like doing anything.
fiskusthesccrfr: oh no, i wouldn't either@
esheply: and like the counseler at school was like
esheply: i think you might be dealing with depression
esheply: ....
esheply: but like i don't konw if that's just because dave and i broke up
fiskusthesccrfr: hey, you're welcome to call me anytime or e-mail or whatever if you need to talk
fiskusthesccrfr: i dunno about thattt
esheply: because like i haven't really been eating..
esheply: sleeping is iffy
esheply: can't concentrate
esheply: blah blah blah
esheply: lost interest in things i used to love
esheply: like soccer.... i haven't really had the desire to play anymore.
esheply: but i don't know...
fiskusthesccrfr: yeah i think you gotta find something that just takes this all off your mind, even if just for short periods of time
esheply: and my mom said that she doesn't think that i've been genuinely happy for the past like two yearsnow
esheply: but i still like to ride horses
fiskusthesccrfr: maybe... if daves just keepin you goin all the time you were here
esheply: maybe i just get bored with things too easily
esheply: yeahhh and that's another thing
esheply: like
esheply: looking back...
esheply: i think the only time that i was happy was when i was with someone.
esheply: in other words, i'm never happy when i'm single.
fiskusthesccrfr: lol
fiskusthesccrfr: you're a relationship girl, i see that
fiskusthesccrfr: well that's how i see you now, cause you were so serious with dave all thie time
fiskusthesccrfr: this time
esheply: yeah
esheply: i love being in love
fiskusthesccrfr: haha
esheply: to the point where that's my main focus
esheply: i put relationships first
fiskusthesccrfr: it's a pretty nice feeling
esheply: and dave isn't there yet.
esheply: right now, he's only comfortable putting school first
esheply: because it's a pretty important thing, and it needs to be done
esheply: and when I’d call him to see if he could hang out and he was doing hw, he would say “oh I can’t tonight, I have to study and do this assignment” like most people would. But if he called me when I was doing work, I would say, “okay!! I’ll be over in a few minutes” and just finish the assignment later on.
fiskusthesccrfr: what happened kiddo??:?
esheply: with me leaving?
Auto response from fiskusthesccrfr: chillin in the apt ... movie, a couple cold ones... drop by if you want
fiskusthesccrfr: yeah, so sudden
fiskusthesccrfr: i'm sad
fiskusthesccrfr: i didn't even get to say bye
esheply: i know, i'm sorry
esheply: but i really had to geto ut of there.
esheply: i don't think it was good for me at all.
fiskusthesccrfr: yeah, i can understand that
fiskusthesccrfr: there any chance of you comin back?
esheply: probably not.
esheply: i think the only thing that was making me feel that i did like it was dave.
esheply: like i was so focused on him that i didn't realize how much i didn't like the school.
fiskusthesccrfr: well we all still love you!
esheply: i know
fiskusthesccrfr: yeah, i can understand that
esheply: and it was hard for me to leave you guys
esheply: but i just don't think i'm ready for schol right now
esheply: i don't know
esheply: it's kinodf complicated.
esheply: there are just a lot of things
esheply: and i couldn't take them all at once.
esheply: i would have failed out if i hadn't withdrawn
fiskusthesccrfr: oh no, i'm sorry to ask about it... just tell me if i go too far
fiskusthesccrfr: that's ok, i totally understand
esheply: yeah.
esheply: ugghhhh i just love him so much
esheply: i haven't EVER loved anyone this much
esheply: it's so hard... like, if you love someone, you should want to be with them.
esheply: he says he's just not ready for a serious relationship right now
esheply: and it's hard for me to understand because he says taht he still cares about me
esheply: i don't get how someone can love a person and not think that being with them is the right thing to do.
fiskusthesccrfr: yeah ... i'm sure i'm no where to the extent where you are at, but i've been in serious relationships and stuff and kinda know what you're tlakin about
esheply: i mean, i know it's a guy thing, but i just don't get it.
fiskusthesccrfr: maybe it's just time that he needs, i mean everyone copes with everything a little different
fiskusthesccrfr: i dont see the reasoning in it, but i mean somehow he does, and that's just how he understands it
esheply: yeah.... and i was his first real girlfriend.
fiskusthesccrfr: mmhmm
esheply: and we've talked about it a lot
esheply: and he says that we'll still talk, and eventually start hanging out again
esheply: but like
esheply: i haven't heard from him in a few days
fiskusthesccrfr: so maybe he just needs a bit of time before he takes it to another levewl
esheply: and i'm just scared that i'll never see him again
fiskusthesccrfr: yeah... this is me over the past month, but obviously yours is a lot bigger scale
esheply: he is such a great person... i can't lose him completely.
fiskusthesccrfr: you'll see him again... i dont doubt that
fiskusthesccrfr: not a single doubt in my mind
esheply: ohhh i hope you're right.
esheply: i love him
esheply: so
esheply: SO
esheply: much
fiskusthesccrfr: oh i know, i could tell
esheply: i don't think anyone really gets how much i care about him...
esheply: not even hm.
esheply: him
fiskusthesccrfr: and i only see you once ina while!
fiskusthesccrfr: welll sounds like that's what love is
esheply: oh i know i'm in love
esheply: i just can't explain it, it's so intenst
esheply: e
esheply: maybe i scared him off
esheply: because of that
esheply: you know?
fiskusthesccrfr: i understand your inability to explain as a way to express how much you love him
fiskusthesccrfr: maybe, who knows
esheply: ahhh :'(
esheply: well he said that i didn't do anything that made him come to his decision
esheply: and i actually asked him if i was like intimidating him kindof
esheply: and he ensured that that wasn't the case.
esheply: ahhhh i just hate this so much.... all i want is to be with him.
fiskusthesccrfr: well i dunno if he knows what hit him at the point and time
esheply: that's what my mom said...
esheply: she's like... you know, erin... if he doesn't come back, someday he'll realize that you were the one who got away.
fiskusthesccrfr: oh yeah
fiskusthesccrfr: definitely
esheply: but i don't want him to be the one who got away either
fiskusthesccrfr: just give it a bit of time, he'll realize
esheply: i'm trying....
esheply: i mean it has only been 6 days
esheply: i don't know how much longer i can take
esheply: and like this has happened to me before
esheply: with my first serious relationship...
esheply: we were together for a year and a couple months
fiskusthesccrfr: mmhmm
esheply: and we broke up (he lied to me... blah blah) and he was like "i just need some time"
esheply: and he didn't talk to me at all for two weeks
esheply: so i got fed up with it and just started doing my own thing
fiskusthesccrfr: yeah
esheply: and he came back after a month and was like... i want to try again,...
esheply: so we tried again, but it only lasted for like a week
fiskusthesccrfr: well maybe give him two weeks max then try to make something happen again
esheply: ididn't want to get hurt again so i decided that it wasn't a good idea for us to be back together
fiskusthesccrfr: yeha
esheply: and now i don't talk to the guy at all... i really have no desire at all to talk to him
esheply: i don't want that to happen with dave
fiskusthesccrfr: well sounds like this one's gunna be a winner
esheply: like i said before
esheply: he is SUCH a great person
fiskusthesccrfr: well give him a bit of space and time and then come back to it and force your will upon it
esheply: i don't want to not have him in my life.
esheply: i know, i'm really trying.
fiskusthesccrfr: yeha, well you'll have to tell him that then
esheply: but like that could be months before he comes around
fiskusthesccrfr: personally i dont think it'll take that long
esheply: like i was saying to him.... maybe we can go snowboarding in the winter, or maybe i'll see you on thanksgiving break
fiskusthesccrfr: he'll know soon, real soon
fiskusthesccrfr: OH, HELL YES
esheply: and he was justl ike "yeahhh"
esheply: like
fiskusthesccrfr: we're definitely going snowboarding
esheply: he wasn't so sure
fiskusthesccrfr: we'll make it happen
fiskusthesccrfr: if i have to go pick him up and drag his ass out, snowboarding is a group effort, and it's gunna happen
fiskusthesccrfr: we're goin every year, all of us, the same group from last year
esheply: hah yeah...
esheply: i'm three hours away now, though.
fiskusthesccrfr: plus then you can get out and about and we can see eachother again
esheply: yeah
fiskusthesccrfr: well it's only every couple weekends
esheply: oh and another thing that i'm afraid of....
fiskusthesccrfr: you can come up for the weekend
esheply: like with me being away... what if that makes him really think that things won't ever work.
esheply: ?
esheply: OHHHHH
fiskusthesccrfr: no
fiskusthesccrfr: wont
esheply: and i asked him if he thinks we could possibly get back together in the future
fiskusthesccrfr: if you love someone you find a way to be with them
esheply: and at first he was like... maybe someday we can get back together
esheply: but then ia sked him again a few days later
esheply: and he was like... i don't think so
fiskusthesccrfr: what
fiskusthesccrfr: i'm gunna go knock some sense into this kid
fiskusthesccrfr: what the hell
esheply: and i'm just getting scared becausei haven't heard from him in a few days
esheply: i can't lose him, andrew
fiskusthesccrfr: i dont think you should worry about that, and you wont
fiskusthesccrfr: i promise you
esheply: i was watching runaway bride today with my mom, aunt, and cousin...
esheply: and this was one of the quotes in the movie...
esheply: I guarantee there'll be tough times. I guarantee that at some point, one or both of us is gonna want to get out of this thing. But I also guarantee that if I don't ask you to be mine, I'll regret it for the rest of my life, because I know, in my heart, you're the only one for me.
esheply: i waslike... ohhhh myyyy Goddddddd
esheply: that's me.
fiskusthesccrfr: haha money!
esheply: i don't want to be without him.
esheply: everrr
esheply: and i know that sounds ridiculous
fiskusthesccrfr: well then you just have to make sure it doesn't happen
esheply: because i'm so young
esheply: but...
esheply: ugha
esheply: sdflkj
fiskusthesccrfr: ;lakjd;lkf jasdslkdsjassddd
esheply: well imean i can't really do too much about it.... it's up to him, really.
fiskusthesccrfr: just let it out
esheply: and i'm really sorry i didn't tell you that i wasleaving.
fiskusthesccrfr: well he'll make up his mind and if it's not in your favor, you just gotta change his mind and show him what you're missin
fiskusthesccrfr: he's missin*
fiskusthesccrfr: it's ok, i understand, you had bigger things to think about
esheply: i still feel really bad
esheply: i just feel bad about everything right now
esheply: ugh
esheply: i don't want to do anything.
fiskusthesccrfr: if it makes you feel any better you're ahead of the game, i'm still tryin to find someone!
esheply: i have to start applying to new schools on like monday
fiskusthesccrfr: my big one fell through hardcore
esheply: and i just don't want to
esheply: i don't feel like doing anything.
fiskusthesccrfr: oh no, i wouldn't either@
esheply: and like the counseler at school was like
esheply: i think you might be dealing with depression
esheply: ....
esheply: but like i don't konw if that's just because dave and i broke up
fiskusthesccrfr: hey, you're welcome to call me anytime or e-mail or whatever if you need to talk
fiskusthesccrfr: i dunno about thattt
esheply: because like i haven't really been eating..
esheply: sleeping is iffy
esheply: can't concentrate
esheply: blah blah blah
esheply: lost interest in things i used to love
esheply: like soccer.... i haven't really had the desire to play anymore.
esheply: but i don't know...
fiskusthesccrfr: yeah i think you gotta find something that just takes this all off your mind, even if just for short periods of time
esheply: and my mom said that she doesn't think that i've been genuinely happy for the past like two yearsnow
esheply: but i still like to ride horses
fiskusthesccrfr: maybe... if daves just keepin you goin all the time you were here
esheply: maybe i just get bored with things too easily
esheply: yeahhh and that's another thing
esheply: like
esheply: looking back...
esheply: i think the only time that i was happy was when i was with someone.
esheply: in other words, i'm never happy when i'm single.
fiskusthesccrfr: lol
fiskusthesccrfr: you're a relationship girl, i see that
fiskusthesccrfr: well that's how i see you now, cause you were so serious with dave all thie time
fiskusthesccrfr: this time
esheply: yeah
esheply: i love being in love
fiskusthesccrfr: haha
esheply: to the point where that's my main focus
esheply: i put relationships first
fiskusthesccrfr: it's a pretty nice feeling
esheply: and dave isn't there yet.
esheply: right now, he's only comfortable putting school first
esheply: because it's a pretty important thing, and it needs to be done
esheply: and when I’d call him to see if he could hang out and he was doing hw, he would say “oh I can’t tonight, I have to study and do this assignment” like most people would. But if he called me when I was doing work, I would say, “okay!! I’ll be over in a few minutes” and just finish the assignment later on.