(no subject)
I’ve never believed the world is black and white. Instead, it consists of so many other colours, grays, yellows, blues, greens and whites. I guess because of that, I see the world as a spectrum of colours, with no real emphasis on absolutes. Absolutes, to me, are not significant enough, the nuances, the shades are more important.
Maybe that’s why I’ve never seeked the absolute truth either.
When it comes to important matters, I tend to ask less questions. For me, I’m scared of the truth. It might destroy a friendship, tear beautiful memories into shreds beyond recognition, ground something so precious into pearl-dust.
Sometimes, when you don’t ask questions; it’s not because that someone will lie to your face. It’s because you’re afraid they’ll tell you the truth.
I know how it feels to be betrayed, to be manipulated, to be kept in the dark. It’s horrible.
That’s the most beautiful and devastating part of knowing the truth. Somehow, oblivion could be bliss sometimes.
When it comes to important secrets or issues like friendship, love, family, money etc, you tell someone a secret that’s meant to be kept. You trust, you believe, you put your whole soul into believing it’s gonna stay that way: kept, unravelled, unknown.
But sometimes, it’s not the case and you’ve got to face it. It could be better or for worse, it depends really on how you handle it. At that juncture, it will feel like your life’s been destroyed, that these pillars which you’ve build upon have collapsed, and you are at a loss. A friendship so fundamental to you would be just on the rocks, ready to be destroyed any moment. It feels like the world is crashing down on you.
But what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.
I know, I promise you I know, how it feels to have to smile, and act as if everything is just fine, when a part of you knows it’s not. You can move around in spite of it; you can laugh and smile and carry on with your life, but all it takes is one slow range of motion, a doubling over, to be fully aware of the empty space at your center.
As it turns out, you can function while your heart is being torn to shreds. Blood pumps. Breath flows, neurons flow. What goes missing is the affect; a curious flatness to voice and actions that, if noted, speak of a hole so deep inside there’s no visible end to it.
So then what am supposed to do, you ask.
Quite simply, if you think you are capable of moving on, you can.
The future may unfold in indelible strokes but it doesn’t mean we have to read the same line over and over again. Moving on, at this point of time, might be the best medicine.
Guilt, hasn’t been the best companion these days. I know, with my own conscience, I did not play a part in this. I followed, adhered to whoever, whatever, but if it turns out this way, I guess I’ve got a reason to bear guilt as well. All I know is that the one that’s hurting isn’t me, for sure. I’m sorry. There’s no point for clarification now, when that’s hardly the issue. You can pick at these moments like a carrion vulture going for a bone, but what you would eventually get is a mixture of shreds, broken bits that would leave you no choice but to patch things up to its original position again. What’s important is to help, if that’s possible at all.
I know this is no consolation, but
I’m sorry.
Maybe that’s why I’ve never seeked the absolute truth either.
When it comes to important matters, I tend to ask less questions. For me, I’m scared of the truth. It might destroy a friendship, tear beautiful memories into shreds beyond recognition, ground something so precious into pearl-dust.
Sometimes, when you don’t ask questions; it’s not because that someone will lie to your face. It’s because you’re afraid they’ll tell you the truth.
I know how it feels to be betrayed, to be manipulated, to be kept in the dark. It’s horrible.
That’s the most beautiful and devastating part of knowing the truth. Somehow, oblivion could be bliss sometimes.
When it comes to important secrets or issues like friendship, love, family, money etc, you tell someone a secret that’s meant to be kept. You trust, you believe, you put your whole soul into believing it’s gonna stay that way: kept, unravelled, unknown.
But sometimes, it’s not the case and you’ve got to face it. It could be better or for worse, it depends really on how you handle it. At that juncture, it will feel like your life’s been destroyed, that these pillars which you’ve build upon have collapsed, and you are at a loss. A friendship so fundamental to you would be just on the rocks, ready to be destroyed any moment. It feels like the world is crashing down on you.
But what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.
I know, I promise you I know, how it feels to have to smile, and act as if everything is just fine, when a part of you knows it’s not. You can move around in spite of it; you can laugh and smile and carry on with your life, but all it takes is one slow range of motion, a doubling over, to be fully aware of the empty space at your center.
As it turns out, you can function while your heart is being torn to shreds. Blood pumps. Breath flows, neurons flow. What goes missing is the affect; a curious flatness to voice and actions that, if noted, speak of a hole so deep inside there’s no visible end to it.
So then what am supposed to do, you ask.
Quite simply, if you think you are capable of moving on, you can.
The future may unfold in indelible strokes but it doesn’t mean we have to read the same line over and over again. Moving on, at this point of time, might be the best medicine.
Guilt, hasn’t been the best companion these days. I know, with my own conscience, I did not play a part in this. I followed, adhered to whoever, whatever, but if it turns out this way, I guess I’ve got a reason to bear guilt as well. All I know is that the one that’s hurting isn’t me, for sure. I’m sorry. There’s no point for clarification now, when that’s hardly the issue. You can pick at these moments like a carrion vulture going for a bone, but what you would eventually get is a mixture of shreds, broken bits that would leave you no choice but to patch things up to its original position again. What’s important is to help, if that’s possible at all.
I know this is no consolation, but
I’m sorry.