(no subject)
When a hurtful comment gets hurled your way, an unexpected stranger called hurt starts forming, slowly at first, before pools of red start engulfing the mind, leaving one numb and vulnerable. It's always an alternate solution to take the easy way out, to start pointing fingers and let anger and frustration reign. But, when the wave of red-hot anger recedes and hesitating droplest of doubt starts trickling down, the million-dollar question pops out. Why me? Is it entirely my doing? Was there some communication breakdown? The ball gets tossed back and forth in the mind, thereby initiating yet another bout of introspection.
I've always regarded myself as a people person, not due to the fact that I'm a great communicator, but because i enjoy interaction; the pure joy of getting to know each other and breaking down that initial barrier of unfamiliarity. It's such a challenge really, and i gladly take it up from time to time. Normally, in response to my friendly hellos, people would often start self-introducing before engaging each other in the getting-to-know-each-other banter. However, admist the polite smile and the dignified handshake, therein lies the fear and the awkwardness. Some people take the corresponding questions as a form of intrusion, in which they find themselves vulnerable, in fear of revealing too much. Some find it awkward to spill their innermost soul, as they are accumstomed to keeping all to themselves. As a person who bares all, I find it hard, almost impossible, to understand why such people reject the opportunity to trust, to believe and to take that very first step out into the real world. This is one of my greatest flaws, I admit.
Being happily oblivious to this fact before, reality struck when a friend told me he/she felt uncomfortable talking to me. It was almost like a harsh slap in the face, one with a resounding bang, coupled with an exclamation mark. Till now, to be honest, I have no real solution to this impending problem. Most people would then retort, observation should be your next best friend. Observe, infer and make a final judgement and tread the uncharted waters carefully. In more explicit terms, I must be able to know who to pose my often personal questions to. Easier said than done. Appearances are often false. Hence, to base my judgement on it would prove futile. Therefore, how would I know who to approach and how far their limits might be? Something personal to one might be deemed fine for someone else.
Besides, being cautious and careful might very well tarnish the spontaneity that makes interaction all the more fascinating. If i were to restrain and control, the pleasure of making fast friends while uncovering each other would be minimal and soon the passionate flames might soon dwindle down to nought. Then again, even if I were to take the neccessary precautions, when it comes to a time when we have known each other for over six months and hence suitable to delve further, what if(and don't say its impossible, it happens) the person secretly hates any questions pertaining to himself, inspiring fear of violation and certain degrees of wariness. How would i know? Would it then be my fault or his, or should we just blame it on the damned fates?
Obviously, there's another alternative: to wait patiently until he/she opens up on her own accord. However, it takes two hands to clap. For someone to open up, one needs initiation and a certain amount of guts and courage. If one doesnt take the first step, and he/she prefers to stay in her comfort zone, would there be any fruits of labor from this seemingly stagnant relationship?
There are infinte possibilities, all accompanied by what ifs and questionable doubts. To take either one of the many would be a risk, but to take none would be cowardly. Human relationships were always meant to be complex, fraught with obstacles and abound with wonders. Hence, I've made my personal conclusion, for every possible relationship that comes my way, there will be no niggling fears or doubts to hold me back, I will take the risk. Make or break, it doesn't matter. Failure will push me forth to bridge new frontiers while success would push me on to make better and hopefully, long-term friends.
At least, if it does fail, I know I've given it my all and I move on with no regrets.
Quote Yawen: 'Just as long as we aren't compromising ourselves, let sleeping dogs lie and (quote Yinghui now) let fates decide'.
I shall.
I've always regarded myself as a people person, not due to the fact that I'm a great communicator, but because i enjoy interaction; the pure joy of getting to know each other and breaking down that initial barrier of unfamiliarity. It's such a challenge really, and i gladly take it up from time to time. Normally, in response to my friendly hellos, people would often start self-introducing before engaging each other in the getting-to-know-each-other banter. However, admist the polite smile and the dignified handshake, therein lies the fear and the awkwardness. Some people take the corresponding questions as a form of intrusion, in which they find themselves vulnerable, in fear of revealing too much. Some find it awkward to spill their innermost soul, as they are accumstomed to keeping all to themselves. As a person who bares all, I find it hard, almost impossible, to understand why such people reject the opportunity to trust, to believe and to take that very first step out into the real world. This is one of my greatest flaws, I admit.
Being happily oblivious to this fact before, reality struck when a friend told me he/she felt uncomfortable talking to me. It was almost like a harsh slap in the face, one with a resounding bang, coupled with an exclamation mark. Till now, to be honest, I have no real solution to this impending problem. Most people would then retort, observation should be your next best friend. Observe, infer and make a final judgement and tread the uncharted waters carefully. In more explicit terms, I must be able to know who to pose my often personal questions to. Easier said than done. Appearances are often false. Hence, to base my judgement on it would prove futile. Therefore, how would I know who to approach and how far their limits might be? Something personal to one might be deemed fine for someone else.
Besides, being cautious and careful might very well tarnish the spontaneity that makes interaction all the more fascinating. If i were to restrain and control, the pleasure of making fast friends while uncovering each other would be minimal and soon the passionate flames might soon dwindle down to nought. Then again, even if I were to take the neccessary precautions, when it comes to a time when we have known each other for over six months and hence suitable to delve further, what if(and don't say its impossible, it happens) the person secretly hates any questions pertaining to himself, inspiring fear of violation and certain degrees of wariness. How would i know? Would it then be my fault or his, or should we just blame it on the damned fates?
Obviously, there's another alternative: to wait patiently until he/she opens up on her own accord. However, it takes two hands to clap. For someone to open up, one needs initiation and a certain amount of guts and courage. If one doesnt take the first step, and he/she prefers to stay in her comfort zone, would there be any fruits of labor from this seemingly stagnant relationship?
There are infinte possibilities, all accompanied by what ifs and questionable doubts. To take either one of the many would be a risk, but to take none would be cowardly. Human relationships were always meant to be complex, fraught with obstacles and abound with wonders. Hence, I've made my personal conclusion, for every possible relationship that comes my way, there will be no niggling fears or doubts to hold me back, I will take the risk. Make or break, it doesn't matter. Failure will push me forth to bridge new frontiers while success would push me on to make better and hopefully, long-term friends.
At least, if it does fail, I know I've given it my all and I move on with no regrets.
Quote Yawen: 'Just as long as we aren't compromising ourselves, let sleeping dogs lie and (quote Yinghui now) let fates decide'.
I shall.