Jesus Crisco
I'm pretty certain by now that I broke my elbow. I slammed it falling up the (uncarpetted as you may recall,) stairs two and a half weeks ago, and it's still misshapen and stings as all hell. Can't get it fixed though; not enough money, and it's in a spot that it's likely troublesome to fix--plus, the only movement it hinders is me writing with the elbow on the corner of my desks. I'll just have to break that habit.
I think I'm one of the incredibly rare, if not the only, monogamous person. It sickens me how humans (who are falsely monogamous animals--in fact, we are generally polygamous,) can just move from one person to another and hardly think of the old one again. It's fucked up. Teenage relationships that happen like that tend to lead to divorce, leading to multiple divorce, anyway. Again, fucked up. How can one transition so easily from someone they (thought they) loved to pretty much any person who is willing and meets their standards in a few weeks' time, even if the first relationship lasted months?
I've got the answer. Oxytocin. This hormone needs to DIE. Along with estrogen and testosterone. Oxytocin is the "love" hormone. It's released in the instance of crushes, and fades after the "mating" period is done. It's the one that makes people believe they're in love, and believe they're monogamous. Once oxytocin fades, the person "falls out of love," unless if, in rare instances such as people staying together happily and seemlessly until they die,--unless if the person actually was in love. Psychological, spiritual, truly bonded love. The kind that carries on through reincarnations in little romantic stories.
Everyone I know has suffered the wrath of oxytocin "love" in one way or another. I have in that I actually love Nick, and I feel betrayed because all he had for me was romantic lust. Maybe physical lust, too, I don't care to know, and I wouldn't get how. I'm not sexy or attractive by any means. That's not to say I don't like me, or don't have self-esteem--you people need to knock that shit off. Self-esteem isn't about the body. It's not me, it's not an extension of me, it's just my 'house.'
Romantic lust lasted until I broke it off in a dreadful mistake. One I can't forgive myself for. Oh sure, I've learned my lesson, but now my life is more fucked up than ever. When I came back, pleaded, begged, worked myself into fits trying to find a way to make him love me, too, he had a burst of oxytocin--I think--but it wore off quickly. About two weeks and he was bored of me. So we tried again. Burst, fade, boredom, dump. Nice how many excuses were made to try to spare my expense--"We both weren't happy; you complained daily of Freshies, and I complained about homework," ...this happens anyway, that's a bullshit excuse.
Truth is, I'm worth nothing more than the romantic lust of a hormone utilized to make mating easy.
I don't know how to be happy. The only reason I get angry is because it makes me just slightly more energetic than when I'm depressed. The only reason I have left to live (besides my pets) is to be pissed at a guy who couldn't tell lust from love.
I don't care what he thinks--Katrina is a vacuous, shallow-hearted, worthless shell of a person.
It's a shame a broken elbow won't kill me in my sleep...
I think I'm one of the incredibly rare, if not the only, monogamous person. It sickens me how humans (who are falsely monogamous animals--in fact, we are generally polygamous,) can just move from one person to another and hardly think of the old one again. It's fucked up. Teenage relationships that happen like that tend to lead to divorce, leading to multiple divorce, anyway. Again, fucked up. How can one transition so easily from someone they (thought they) loved to pretty much any person who is willing and meets their standards in a few weeks' time, even if the first relationship lasted months?
I've got the answer. Oxytocin. This hormone needs to DIE. Along with estrogen and testosterone. Oxytocin is the "love" hormone. It's released in the instance of crushes, and fades after the "mating" period is done. It's the one that makes people believe they're in love, and believe they're monogamous. Once oxytocin fades, the person "falls out of love," unless if, in rare instances such as people staying together happily and seemlessly until they die,--unless if the person actually was in love. Psychological, spiritual, truly bonded love. The kind that carries on through reincarnations in little romantic stories.
Everyone I know has suffered the wrath of oxytocin "love" in one way or another. I have in that I actually love Nick, and I feel betrayed because all he had for me was romantic lust. Maybe physical lust, too, I don't care to know, and I wouldn't get how. I'm not sexy or attractive by any means. That's not to say I don't like me, or don't have self-esteem--you people need to knock that shit off. Self-esteem isn't about the body. It's not me, it's not an extension of me, it's just my 'house.'
Romantic lust lasted until I broke it off in a dreadful mistake. One I can't forgive myself for. Oh sure, I've learned my lesson, but now my life is more fucked up than ever. When I came back, pleaded, begged, worked myself into fits trying to find a way to make him love me, too, he had a burst of oxytocin--I think--but it wore off quickly. About two weeks and he was bored of me. So we tried again. Burst, fade, boredom, dump. Nice how many excuses were made to try to spare my expense--"We both weren't happy; you complained daily of Freshies, and I complained about homework," ...this happens anyway, that's a bullshit excuse.
Truth is, I'm worth nothing more than the romantic lust of a hormone utilized to make mating easy.
I don't know how to be happy. The only reason I get angry is because it makes me just slightly more energetic than when I'm depressed. The only reason I have left to live (besides my pets) is to be pissed at a guy who couldn't tell lust from love.
I don't care what he thinks--Katrina is a vacuous, shallow-hearted, worthless shell of a person.
It's a shame a broken elbow won't kill me in my sleep...