Passing time at 4am

[poons83]

I have never been so tired in my entire life! I feel like Edward Norton in Fight Club dealing with insomnia never really asleep or awake. Everything is blending in together someone could be talking to me and I hear mumbles and physically can't understand or speak. I can't sleep unless I know someone is up with Veda because I'm scared that I'm to a point where I'm so exhausted that if I fall asleep nothing will wake me up. When I take cat naps or should I say baby naps since that's more like what they do. My sleep is filled with these crazy ass dreams of nursing in bed and falling asleep and when I wake up I frantically look for Veda thinking she's lost in the covers just to realize I wasn't nursing her and she's safe and sound in her bed. I haven't slept at all today there was to much cleaning that needed to be done that I feel I'd been slacking on. (Lesson learned slack!) So I didn't get to nap at all today and Veda has been very cranky only sleeping while being held when you put her down she screams her little head off. So since I got a 20 min. nap in so far this now morning I decided to give up and just stay awake! Maybe I'll go to my moms later today and sleep while she watches her. I know that breast milk is the best for babies and part of me (the part that doesn't hurt and gets sleep) really enjoys nursing, but I'm wondering if formula might be a little more filling and maybe she might sleep better also she's been home 2 weeks now so I've been strictly nursing for about that long and my nipples hurt so bad still. I've been told that they toughen up and stop hurting but they just keep feeling worse! I know they aren't infected because they aren't cracked, bleeding, or leaking puss. They just wont stop hurting! I have to wear a bra 24/7 and a bikini top in the shower just to stay slightly comfortable. I think for the most part my woo-who is healed the only thing that hurts is my ass sometimes if I sit wrong it feels like it's ripping so today I took a mirror to check things out for the first time since Veda was born and no wonder why my ass hurts. The incision from the episiotomy goes from my woo-who all the way to my ass hole thats messed up! Thank God for stitches although they are uncomfortable but if they didn't exist I'd have a uni-hole. Anyway I think I'm through rambling. I wonder what's on TV at 4am.
Yo-Yo-Ho!