glittering blackness
It's been sooo long since I've even looked on this. I don't even know what compelled me to post anything. My life is so drastically different after just a few weeks. I figured I'd leave this lj behind like the rest of my life after I arrived here. I suppose I'm posting because I need a little taste of home..a little familiarity amongst everything else that seems so incredibly foreign to me now.
In short: I love it here. But I miss home.
It's interesting how we all seem to live in our own fantasy world. The world that goes 'round inside my head is perfect.
I love those moments when you have an image in your head of what perfection in that very instant would be..and you get this feeling of euphoria..this feeling that that image can actually be a piece of your life (whether instantaneously or eventually)..for a split second. But then it's right back to reality.. and well, reality never seems to be the fantasies you spent way too much time dreaming about.
So enjoy reality, right? I think I do a fairly good job with that. I try to enjoy every experience. I try to enjoy the little things. I laugh. I have fun. But there always seems to remain that tiny bit of resentment in the back of your head because those instances of perfection don't really exist(atleast in that moment). And that's what we really desire anyways right? To have EXACTLY what we want in the EXACT moment we want it. Otherwise, (and its only natural) we move right on to the next desire, the next need. Buddhists believe that if you stop having desire you'll find you have everything you need. It'd be nice to actually be able to live that belief. I just don't think it's how we're built. But if we're built to constantly have desires..when will anything ever be good enough?
In short: I love it here. But I miss home.
It's interesting how we all seem to live in our own fantasy world. The world that goes 'round inside my head is perfect.
I love those moments when you have an image in your head of what perfection in that very instant would be..and you get this feeling of euphoria..this feeling that that image can actually be a piece of your life (whether instantaneously or eventually)..for a split second. But then it's right back to reality.. and well, reality never seems to be the fantasies you spent way too much time dreaming about.
So enjoy reality, right? I think I do a fairly good job with that. I try to enjoy every experience. I try to enjoy the little things. I laugh. I have fun. But there always seems to remain that tiny bit of resentment in the back of your head because those instances of perfection don't really exist(atleast in that moment). And that's what we really desire anyways right? To have EXACTLY what we want in the EXACT moment we want it. Otherwise, (and its only natural) we move right on to the next desire, the next need. Buddhists believe that if you stop having desire you'll find you have everything you need. It'd be nice to actually be able to live that belief. I just don't think it's how we're built. But if we're built to constantly have desires..when will anything ever be good enough?