Friday Five: Failures
This has not been a good week if I'm being totally honest.
Having five kids to manage all by yourself 24/7 is tough. Some people try to console me by saying things like, "Just imagine if your husband were in the army - this would be your life," to which I say, "Obviously the top reason why I didn't marry G.I.Joe."
I am very tired. Mentally and physically. The one evening I attempted to hit the sheets before 10:00, Larissa was up all night screaming and crying with bad dreams and a cough. Literally. ALL. NIGHT. The kids are taking advantage of it and are preying upon my weaknesses as if I were a wounded rabbit and they were a pack of hungry wolves. Listening to me is optional. Talking back to me is routine. Treating me as if I am the furthest thing from the person who ensures their health, happiness, safety, nutrition, entertainment, etc., etc., etc., on a constant basis is par for the course. I go to bed most nights close to tears and desperate to figure out how - short of super-powers - I can right this sinking ship.
Can you still be diagnosed with post-partum depression when your kids are in double digits?
1) This is Larissa's face 90% of the time due to either: A) not getting her way or B) having just been mistreated by Kellan. Kellan and Larissa fight constantly. If I am not in the room for even a split second, there is near bloodshed. Larissa has also fine-tuned a high-pitched, ear-shattering screech that she will break out in a heartbeat if she senses injustice of any kind. I've always maintained that the age of three is the worst of them all and she is making sure that fact remains true.
2) I was doing really well with my diet - especially the part where I was down to practically no sugar at all. Ever since summer started, all bets are off. Candy at the drive-in, slushies in the afternoon.... I used to smoke and quitting that habit was a cake walk compared to trying to quit sugar. Black tar heroin has nothing on Milk Duds. Another culprit is these babies:
Our local donut shop has ridiculously delicious donuts. If you go at exactly the right time, your frosted donut will still be warm and the frosting will be soft and drippy. Heaven. And their apple fritters? Ridiculous. These are required at breakfast anytime there is a sleepover (of which there have been four in the last 2 weeks). If I weren't doing Crossfit I would have already gained 15 pounds.
3) The only thing that is possibly worse than the age of three is the age 13. Hayden has gone from a responsible, compliant child to a complete know-it-all jerk whose only ambitions are laying around and speaking to me in a dismissive tone. He and Weston would be content if I were to leave them in the basement to play XBox ALL DAY LONG and at this point, I'm pretty tempted to just let that happen. However, when they do play XBox, all they do is yell and scream at the screen and complain about the utter unfairness of whatever outcome just occurred in the game. I have no idea how they can be so obsessed with something that makes them so outraged. I have tried to cut the cord, so to speak, but then I will find them hiding in their rooms playing on an iPod. I've collected all the iPods and phones and put them on restriction, but then I will discover them playing on an ancient Nintendo Gameboy. I think that even if I blew up all the gaming instruments in this house, they'd still rather stay inside pushing buttons on the cordless phone. This one is really frustrating me. I have no idea how to manage this obsession. Right now I forced them all outside and the boys are literally just sitting there. Sitting. I give up.
4) I had my sitter take the kids to the library to sign them up for the summer reading program. Great news all around! 1) Each child has about $20 in fines on their cards. 2) Each child came home with a stack of videos and not a single BOOK. Seriously. I cannot win.
5) I spent time making a checklist of fun things for us to do this summer. While Maura was here we managed quite a few, but given the dismal attitude climate around here, "fun" has already been taking out of my personal summer vocabulary. Maybe I'll get my summer mojo back, but it's not looking good.
