holy shit its too early for this
i have a few things on my mind. my hands are shaking as i type this but for now, im getting ready for a swim meet. it starts in an hour..im fuckin tired. i need more than luck on this shit. im really confused on this one thing. its like, i want to give up, but i cant. and i tried to persuade myself that i am, but it just stays in the back of my head...FOREVER.. i miss him, but i will never see him. everytime im supposed to, things get fucked up. i think i should just act like its never gonna happen so i wont get my hopes up. i wish i could just shut him out and let it go away for a while, but..it just doesnt work that way. im not sure why i think about it so much or waste time writing about it, but i dont know the answer to that eather. whenever i have too much time on my hands this is pretty much how it is. i think im wasting a lot of time on this, but its a good waste i guess. i wish i could get curbed. i wish he wanted me, but its pretty clear that he doesnt. well i think im gonna try to get over it today or take a break, maybe etem will help at the meet but hes soo hot..