Maturity and integrity are key in one's backbone and have to be controlled in order to sustain oneself. You should know that best from your negative experiences. However it seems you have forgotten that and are getting ready to go through such negative experiences again... just as headstrong and ignorant as before. Only your friends will tell you such things, remember that. You've gone outside the circle (of friends) before and received no such insight; and as you stumbled along they (those outside your circle) only took advantage of your blindness. Now I see you saying such things and I wonder, perhaps it is time for you to take another fall-- but I don't think you'd like that very much based on your first fall.
You suffer from pride. I have tried for a long time to forgive you for it. I have forgiven you many times only for you to in your blindness hurt me. (And in the end, I can never bring myself to forgive you for what you've done.) That is what this is really about... you need to fix your foolish pride and turn it into something positive. I don't think you see how damaging it is not only to yourself but to those around you. To be honest, it makes me wonder why I am your friend, why I hold onto this person that thinks so highly of himself... maybe he doesn't even need me... maybe he just needs to get shoved into place by society...
Get some backbone and stop trying to feel your way because you are only going to get slammed back to square one (you don't need to wear "masks" to see which Josh you like best... you've been living as Josh already long enough to know who you are). And just because you think you know everything, does not mean you actually know it. You are young, you've a lot to learn, so stop acting like you are older than everyone else-- to put it rather simply.
*claps* Now thats the Sasha I remember. I have always cherished your words, even if now and then I got short tempered at the negative they sometimes held.
My pride, you are on the mark. I really don't know how I have stabbed you or anyone else with it. I can't even say I see the wound on someone. I am not sure why you still consider me your friend, and only a friend can hurt someone like I have. I know your a good man and a good friend. I think your still my friend because you see something behind the pride that you still like. Truthfully, I dunno how to make it something positive, i don't even know what is so negative about it. Maybe you'll help me see some day or I will one day be stabbed by its blade that was sharpened on all I hurt.
Now that I think of it Sasha, I can see why and how I might have hurt you. I have looked up to you sometimes, for this knowledge you had. Such a different knowledge then what I thought of, I really looked up too it. Neither of them are better, just two different views of the world. But my pride can't always handel that and attacks back trying to prove itself better but it isn't.
Tho you should know, my pride tends to speak for me. Which wants to think it knows all, but I know I don't. Another flaw but I only catch them after its been said.
I am going to let it go again... I have told you about it before but I guess you just do not care at all-- it was a joke (to you). I do not think you ever even considered thinking outside the boundaries of "love" (lust) enough to understand that maybe all that person needed was help. But I am sure it will come up again... it is not like the future is not wide open (and you seem to manage to bring it up out of the dead more often than necessary).
You are a good person, you just need time to grow up. However, I will warn you when you need stopping because right now I can see that your views will lead you down a road that has destroyed you before. So just watch out and try to be more open (to different views)...
Sasha, I dunno if I will ever known what you where referring to. I know I have stabbed you a few times now and again. Never intentionally, but still less by my own hands. I've tried my best to right my wrongs but it isn't possible.
I really dunno what to say, I felt like I have asked forgiveness so many times. Tried so many things for you to look back at me, but in the end I just get a cold shoulder. Which hurts me and makes me turn away. You may not know it but your one of the few people that has words that effect me. Every time I feel I take a step forward you hit me with your words... I don't hate you for it, its just who you are and I know that. But there is only so much of it I can take.
I am willing to try and fix things, but no matter how hard I try I will never be able to read you. Times have changes since we really last knew each other. Both have changed, even if we think we know what each other are thinking we are probably wrong. Which is making this worst. I am open to talk about this, but things need to be said out straight. Even if it sounds harshful its the only possibility of things moving forward. Otherwise I have to step out of this game we are playing.
I'll leave it at that before I say anything else that could more damaging. So I leave the choice up to you.
You suffer from pride. I have tried for a long time to forgive you for it. I have forgiven you many times only for you to in your blindness hurt me. (And in the end, I can never bring myself to forgive you for what you've done.) That is what this is really about... you need to fix your foolish pride and turn it into something positive. I don't think you see how damaging it is not only to yourself but to those around you. To be honest, it makes me wonder why I am your friend, why I hold onto this person that thinks so highly of himself... maybe he doesn't even need me... maybe he just needs to get shoved into place by society...
Get some backbone and stop trying to feel your way because you are only going to get slammed back to square one (you don't need to wear "masks" to see which Josh you like best... you've been living as Josh already long enough to know who you are). And just because you think you know everything, does not mean you actually know it. You are young, you've a lot to learn, so stop acting like you are older than everyone else-- to put it rather simply.
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My pride, you are on the mark. I really don't know how I have stabbed you or anyone else with it. I can't even say I see the wound on someone. I am not sure why you still consider me your friend, and only a friend can hurt someone like I have. I know your a good man and a good friend. I think your still my friend because you see something behind the pride that you still like. Truthfully, I dunno how to make it something positive, i don't even know what is so negative about it. Maybe you'll help me see some day or I will one day be stabbed by its blade that was sharpened on all I hurt.
Now that I think of it Sasha, I can see why and how I might have hurt you. I have looked up to you sometimes, for this knowledge you had. Such a different knowledge then what I thought of, I really looked up too it. Neither of them are better, just two different views of the world. But my pride can't always handel that and attacks back trying to prove itself better but it isn't.
Tho you should know, my pride tends to speak for me. Which wants to think it knows all, but I know I don't. Another flaw but I only catch them after its been said.
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You are a good person, you just need time to grow up. However, I will warn you when you need stopping because right now I can see that your views will lead you down a road that has destroyed you before. So just watch out and try to be more open (to different views)...
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I am kinda out of words at the moment. So thats all I can say.
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I really dunno what to say, I felt like I have asked forgiveness so many times. Tried so many things for you to look back at me, but in the end I just get a cold shoulder. Which hurts me and makes me turn away. You may not know it but your one of the few people that has words that effect me. Every time I feel I take a step forward you hit me with your words... I don't hate you for it, its just who you are and I know that. But there is only so much of it I can take.
I am willing to try and fix things, but no matter how hard I try I will never be able to read you. Times have changes since we really last knew each other. Both have changed, even if we think we know what each other are thinking we are probably wrong. Which is making this worst. I am open to talk about this, but things need to be said out straight. Even if it sounds harshful its the only possibility of things moving forward. Otherwise I have to step out of this game we are playing.
I'll leave it at that before I say anything else that could more damaging. So I leave the choice up to you.
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