(no subject)
I had an onslaught of dreams last night, but it was freaky, because EVERY ONE OF THEM was about Kip. But it was about him dying in a different way each time. It was one, continuous nightmare, from 3am to 2pm. And usually I wake up a million times during the night, because we have a hard matress, and I toss and turn...I didn't wake up ONCE.
I had a dream he died in a park. I was in the same park smoking weed, about a mile away. In another, he drowned in a public pool. That I went swimming in a few days after he had died, and everyone around me was still talking about it. Some dreams were fuzzier than others; in one, he came up and talked to me for a while before he died. In still another one, I WATCHED him die, and I couldn't do anything to save him. I had the same feeling during that dream that I had the night the hospital called me. That it was basically out of my hands, but in the dream, he was actually getting killed right in front of my eyes, and it was horrifying. I woke up today feeling like a mental case. I couldn't remember what had actually happened in reality. I'm usually dazed and confused when I wake up in the morning, and I"m NOT a morning person. It takes me about an hour to wake up fully and get acclimated with the world around me. So I was creeped out, and had to sit down and sort it all out in my mind....
I want this to be over with. I want to forget about it. I want to remember him and smile, not be thinking about it 24/7.
Well, I have to order some contacts on line, and scrounge up some food before I have to work.
neg1veutopia , I have the day off tomorrow. Wanna hang out if you don't have to work?
Call me, dear.