persistent thoughts
So... I bit an ad today. While I've been marginally aware of the revolting existence of 'sexy' little girl's Halloween costumes for a while now, I took them personally this year, perhaps because I actually looked this year... So I bit the iParty ad, and I shook it between my teeth. At the time, it seemed like the best thing I could do, but I talked to Nora while I was changing her diaper and I want to remember what I told her.
I told her "I am mad, because they were selling sexy, and that's stupid. Because you can't sell sexy any more than you can sell happy or sad or angry. Seriously baby (blows raspberries) you can't sell angry. Who'd buy it? You can't sell sad either. People want to believe they can buy happy, but you gotta make the happiness yourself, and there's at least as many ways to be happy as there are people. It's the same for sexy.
And I was naughty for biting. We're awesome people, and awesome people only bite on teething rings and food.
But I am so so mad because while there's a whole lot of ways to be sexy, people are too shy to talk about it. And that stupid ad, and our society, is trying to sell us this one way to be sexy. [I am so so mad] Because if nobody's talking about how there is as many ways to be sexy as there are ways to be happy, all of the girls are gonna think there's something wrong with them that they aren't sexy in the way that makes people money. Don't even get me started on how unfair that is to boys too. So I'm gonna make you costumes, and teach you how to think about the world so it doesn't break down your awesomeness."
She's only 146 days old, I'm not really sure she got any of that. Particularly the biting bit, she's teething. But I'm willing to be a broken record on this one. Adding insult to injury, once you're in the 'adult' sized costumes, the baby costumes come back. As if once you're past the junior sizes, you're not sexy anymore. I know it's more mommy & me costumes but it went from prosti-tot to a pumpkin bag costume, and the juxtaposition made me feel icky.
That isn't the persistent thought though. It reminded me of the time I brought up how I wasn't allowed to watch MTV because of Madonna's 'Justify My Love" video, and I chickened out mentioning dad's Hustlers, or the two full highboy dressers full of pornography. Because my burning question at the time was 'are you mad at her for not being a doll, just lying there stupid looking, like a thing? ' That would have gotten some lively dinner conversation, the Thanksgiving after that song came out. Perhaps a CPS call, perhaps the beating of a lifetime. Who knows? But I need to be asking the hard questions in my life now, if only of myself.
I got plenty of trouble, wrongly, for knowing I'm not a thing. How do I not only ensure that Nora knows she's not a thing, how do I help her to have the courage to ask herself those questions? How do I make my baby the warrior she'll need to be to thrive in this world? I know, intellectually, that her challenges will be different from mine... but she'll have her battles to fight. Holy shit, I've got some work to do.
But first, folding some diapers.
I told her "I am mad, because they were selling sexy, and that's stupid. Because you can't sell sexy any more than you can sell happy or sad or angry. Seriously baby (blows raspberries) you can't sell angry. Who'd buy it? You can't sell sad either. People want to believe they can buy happy, but you gotta make the happiness yourself, and there's at least as many ways to be happy as there are people. It's the same for sexy.
And I was naughty for biting. We're awesome people, and awesome people only bite on teething rings and food.
But I am so so mad because while there's a whole lot of ways to be sexy, people are too shy to talk about it. And that stupid ad, and our society, is trying to sell us this one way to be sexy. [I am so so mad] Because if nobody's talking about how there is as many ways to be sexy as there are ways to be happy, all of the girls are gonna think there's something wrong with them that they aren't sexy in the way that makes people money. Don't even get me started on how unfair that is to boys too. So I'm gonna make you costumes, and teach you how to think about the world so it doesn't break down your awesomeness."
She's only 146 days old, I'm not really sure she got any of that. Particularly the biting bit, she's teething. But I'm willing to be a broken record on this one. Adding insult to injury, once you're in the 'adult' sized costumes, the baby costumes come back. As if once you're past the junior sizes, you're not sexy anymore. I know it's more mommy & me costumes but it went from prosti-tot to a pumpkin bag costume, and the juxtaposition made me feel icky.
That isn't the persistent thought though. It reminded me of the time I brought up how I wasn't allowed to watch MTV because of Madonna's 'Justify My Love" video, and I chickened out mentioning dad's Hustlers, or the two full highboy dressers full of pornography. Because my burning question at the time was 'are you mad at her for not being a doll, just lying there stupid looking, like a thing? ' That would have gotten some lively dinner conversation, the Thanksgiving after that song came out. Perhaps a CPS call, perhaps the beating of a lifetime. Who knows? But I need to be asking the hard questions in my life now, if only of myself.
I got plenty of trouble, wrongly, for knowing I'm not a thing. How do I not only ensure that Nora knows she's not a thing, how do I help her to have the courage to ask herself those questions? How do I make my baby the warrior she'll need to be to thrive in this world? I know, intellectually, that her challenges will be different from mine... but she'll have her battles to fight. Holy shit, I've got some work to do.
But first, folding some diapers.