One by one the penguins steal my sanity...(writing diaries, pt. 22)

Jul 10, 2006 18:29

Warning: The following LJ cut contains profanity, ranting, excessive use of HTML with the intent to italicize and bold font, capital letters, and a goodly bit of immature whining. Read at your own risk.



EDITING SUCKS.

I HATE IT.

I NEVER EVER WANT TO EDIT AGAIN.

PARDON ME WHILE I MAKE EXTREMELY FRUSTRATED NOISES AT THE ENTIRE WORLD BECAUSE EDITING. SUCKS.

Ugh!

*sigh* Sorry. It's not really that bad, I'm just almost completely burnt out on this whole process. I'm on page 216 now, and am about ready to chuck the whole business in a deep, dark drawer and not look at it again for three months. Normaly I'd just throw it across the room but it's so friggin' heavy BECAUSE I JUST HAD TO WRITE A GIGANTIC 200,000 WORD NOVEL it would probably break a window. Or put a dent in the wall. Or, with my luck, bounce off the wall and careen into something fragile which would then break and make me very sad. Please, please, please remind me to write a smaller book next time. Argh!

And oh my effing god, what was I high on when I wrote some of these scenes? I feel like all I ever read is "She stopped. She looked around. She grabbed this. She set the item down on a nearby table, thinking that the reason corn economics had been so troubled lately was due to a rise in bookmark sales. She then felt slightly threatened by the kindasorta big monster that may or may not have been two inches from her left side menacing her with gooey fangs, which somehow reminded her about those pesky bookmarks." You may laugh to look at it now, and think I'm exaggerating, but I'm not. Now, imagine reading over 200 pages of that crap. On every single page. Over. And over. And over again. A little less amusing, isn't it? And then there are those little one liners I seem to have put in at the end of every chapter, or in between paragraphs, or just whenever I felt like it. "Kes screamed. Kes fainted. Darkness engulfed her. Kes shrieked. Kes cried. Kes retched. Kes read this crappy book some uppity teenager wrote and DIED OF FUCKING BOREDOM." Make the one liners go away!!

*head-desk*

I can't imagine revising this novel more than twice. Mur said on her last show that she's edited one of her novels almost five times now, and still isn't finished. I probably would have gone completely insane on the third run. Suddenly I understand why she's so unenthusiastic about editing - it sucks! I am dying to get back at a keyboard and actually start writing again because this constant cycle of "scribbling a note, crossing out, scribbling a note, crossing out, crossing out, crossing out MORE" is driving me a little batty. I lost interest in this monster about fifty pages ago, and I can only imagine how unhappy with it I would be if I actually had to edit it more than two times. (The second edit I'm speaking of will not be nearly as intensive as the first -- mostly just a run by to make sure all of my after-first-edit additions came out OK and that it's truly ready for my First Readers) I am not kidding when I tell you that there have been times during this process when I have encountered another gigantic block of dialogue between characters and thought: "Not again!" It seems like all I ever did was make them talk. Then they would fight something. Then they would go back to talking. (And talking, and talking, and talking...) UGH! I hate it! What was I thinking?! How could I possibly have ever been excited to do this?! EDITING SUCKS!!

I really don't know what I'm going to do with this thing. Suddenly my parent's reassurances don't seem so flakey anymore. While dad was still insane to suggest not editing my first draft, his encouraging words seem to be very important now. I doubt it if I had as much self-confidence and wisdom as I do, as well as so many people backing me up, I would be about yay close to throwing this thing in the trash and walking away from writing permenantly. Thankfully I've got my parents and all my podcasters whispering in my ear: "Don't give up. This will not be the best novel you will ever write.", otherwise I think I really would throw it down and walk away. It's frustrating as hell. I keep thinking to myself that this story won't be interesting...that it will be so mind-numbingly boring that nobody can bear to read it, not even those people on Gaia who were part of the RPG and thought I was awesome. I keep thinking that my plot is cliche and stupid, and that it needs so much help, and that my extremely limited scope throughout the entire book is absolutely terrible and is partly what makes it so boring. And most of all I keep thinking that if I'm falling asleep and wanting to heave this thing out the nearest window, how must my poor imaginary readers feel? I'm dragging myself through it because I have to edit the damn thing, but they don't! All they've got to do is set it down and walk away, never to return. Every writer's worst nightmare.

So yeah. A lot of annoyance, exhaustion, and self doubt while editing. Which means that I'm perfectly normal and should proceed as planned. I did want to be a writer, didn't I mom? *forced smile*

...somebody kill me.

Disclaimer: Thoughts and opinions expressed in this rant should in no way indicate that I am giving up on writing. This is a rant, pure and simple, where I stomp and snort and scream and fume until I've gotten all the bad feelings out an am clear to continue with my work. Because I will continue with it, no matter what. No power in the 'verse, folks. No power in the 'verse.

Oh, and also - who's idea was it to put corn syrup in the pickles?! This is not acceptable! I DO NOT LIKE CORN SYRUP IN EVERY SINGLE GOD DAMN FOOD I EAT, FOOD-MAKING-PEOPLE. Shame on you! Shame, I say!

writing, rants

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