Writer of Any Kind Who Likes Questions
And lists.
This was a list of questions that I posted on Tumblr for anyone to ask, but seeing as the dream boy never asks, I think I'll have to dance with Cassie on this one. As I've said before, morale has been exceptionally low for me lately. This morning, I woke up and didn't want to do anything anymore. But I forced myself. I forced myself to get up and do my volunteer work, my exposure homework. I should be proud of myself. I did the impossible - I visited an old workplace without feeling anxious.
Perhaps I brought this dark cloud down upon myself. I listened to The Fiery Furnace's I'm Going Away last night and could hardly contain the tears. The feeling of loneliness. But. I think I'll be okay. I have Bentley! And, because I'm allowed to treat myself after exposure homework, I'll have a Hello Kaworu! soon enough. (No, I'm not kidding you. Hello Kaworu!)
A: What do you write? Fanfiction, original fiction, nonfiction, articles, songs, poems, essays, plays, what?
Original fiction, articles, essays. I used to write poetry, but it's a little too embarrassing. Now I just write haikus about the young college guys I find in the poetry and philosophy sections of bookstores. They're not quite meant to be taken seriously. (What is it about young men in college and Bukowski?)
B: How often do you write?
Not as much as I'd like. In the past, I'd write a section and if I didn't like it, I'd write it all over again. In fact, there are sections of M+I that I've written over a good fifteen times before moving on with the first draft. There's a certain conversation between Eel and Regina that I just can't get right. So I keep at it. Now, I'm in the mind-set where if I don't like what I'm writing, the thought of, "Why bother?" comes up. And I hate myself and I shut down and there's no writing going on at that level.
"Sporadically," is the answer I should have given.
C: Who is your favorite character of your own? Who is your favorite character created by somebody else? Why?
All of my characters are my favorites. And that's not some bullshit answer. They wouldn't be in M+I if I didn't love them. I love D and his clownish gestures, his vacant owl gaze. I have fun continually taking conversation away from him and transforming it into gesticulations. I love Axle, chain-smoking little Hunter that he is. I love Madison and how she accidentally reads Alceste as a hero. I love Eel, probably because he's closest to my current state of mind. I love Oscar and his ning-nang-noon nonsense/sense. I love all my other characters too, whether they be a Moon, a Sormr, a Nadia, a Jung-Yeol, or a Suhayl. Or even a Fritjof or a Regina or an Edouard or a Malina. Or an Omri. Or a Hugo.
Not to sound like a broken record, but Angela Carter creates some of my favorite characters. This is probably due to the fact that she acknowledges the darker, id-like part of humanity and imbues that in her characters. Thus, I respect her characters more because I don't love them for the fact that they're nice or they're like me in any way - they're usually pretty horrible. Like Buffo. I loved Buffo. Sadistic little bastard. And I also came away from Nights of the Circus feeling as though I'd never met a character like Buffo before. That uncomfortable aspect of humanity is often lacking in contemporary writing. That wickedness, that vulgarity. It's depressing.
D: If you had the choice of going without writing forever or going without dinner forever, which one would you choose?
Just dinner? I could go without dinner. Writing forever would be great if I wasn't a perfectionist.
E: Have you ever participated in National Novel Writing Month or any of its variations?
Yes. I'm not particularly fond of the set-up. I see people who can crank out all those words in a month while I'm stuck trying to perfect a few sentences and feeling as if there's something incredibly wrong with me, that I can't do the same thing they can. It's always a big mistake whenever I decide to do it, even if it's simply to edit what I have of my first draft. I mean, it gets people to write. Great. But a certain format doesn't work for everyone. Also, why would I want to socialize with other people simply because we can both type words in Google documents? (Hermit Mode activated)
F: What’s your favorite book? Favorite author?
The Infernal Desire Machines of Doctor Hoffman. Angela Carter.
G: What’s your least favorite book? Least favorite author?
Maybe Ethan Frome? But I kind of like that book with how amusing it secretly is. There's a certain category that a book has to fall into for me to actually dislike it. There are books that I love, books that I like, books that are boring, and books that are so incredibly bad, I love them because I can no longer take them seriously. Oh Ged. And then there are books that I loathe and end up throwing at a wall. Not that I actually do that.
An author I actively avoid is Laurel K. Hamilton. I read a few of her books in high school and hated the writing. In fact, when I was sick, I used to edit my copies of her books. A book that recently angered me was A Darker Shade of Magic, but I wouldn't say that was my least favorite book. The last book that I threw at a wall was Wraeththu. Good times.
H: How long have you been writing?
For as long as I can remember. That sounds like a silly, ridiculous answer, I know. But one of my earliest memories is being 6-ish dragging my blanket into my parents' room as I declared to them that I wanted to be a writer. And before that, I used to scribble in books and thought I was writing stories. It's not a big surprise though as everyone in my family is a story-teller. You ask them to recall a visit to the doctor and they'll go off into a thirty-minute story, accented with gestures and voices.
I: What grades do you/did you get in English class?
I did pretty well in English. I have a degree in it, I better do well in English. I had A's and eventually, once I was completely full of myself and my teacher thought highly of me, I was promoted to English Honors. It was the worst mistake of my high school career. Not because the work was hard. No, I enjoyed the texts that we were given and loved to discuss them with the other students. It was the teacher I had. I'm certain she hated me. She expected us to know all the answers and refused to discuss anything. And all she could talk about were her students who went off to big-name colleges. She used to tell us that if we didn't go to a four-year college immediately after high school, we were doomed. Part of me wanted to go to a community college after high school just to spite her. Eventually, I ended up protesting her class by refusing to do the work, as I felt her homework was more fact-checking busy work than something that required a higher form of thinking. She really didn't like me then.
And somehow, who knows, I was able to make it into English AP in my senior year. I think she placed me in that class to spite me, as the teacher of that class was considered quite prickly. But little did she know that I do well around prickly people. I liked that class as well, but the damage had been done. I didn't want to read much after her class. I didn't want to do English homework anymore. I squeaked by with a C- and yet said prickly teacher never ratted me out to my parents. My grades started to go up again in community college. Apathy took over again after a few years though and I found myself not having the energy to do any of the work.
By the time I went to UCSB, I was more mature and I was determined not to make it a waste. Apathetic still, yes. My natural curiosity saved me. In the end, it was probably the best thing I had ever done. To this day, I think that being taught by some of the best English professors saved my life.
J: What does writing mean to you?
It means writing words on paper and failing.
K: Share an old, embarrassing work?
Where to start?
“You were going to bury me”, he uttered. Axle grinned winsomely, somehow recalling the event with fondness.
“Yeah well, you know how it is . . . you find a dead body on the beach, you try to bury it, and then you realize that it’s actually alive! Huh. If it wasn’t for my brother, you’d be breathing in sand now. Anyway, at least you’ll make good bait.”
---
“I”, Axle declared, placing a fist on his chest “am Axle Rhee. That’s A-X-L-E, not A-X-E-L.” The fist fell, only to play with his cigarette before placing it back into his mouth.
“Why A-X-L-E?” Axle would give him points for being inquisitive.
“Because I am a pivotal person.” Neither D nor Jung-Yeol found the boy’s quip humorous, thus shown by the lack of laughter. The freak stared at him dubiously and Jung-Yeol had decided that the ceiling was far more fascinating. “So . . .” Axle interjected, avoiding awkward moments of silence at all costs. “Where did all of that blood come from?”
“What?” D’s eyes rolled over to his shoulder and Axle felt that even mentioning it had been a mistake. At first, the freak seemed disgusted with the mess, making an annoyed sound by clicking his tongue. He turned back to the boy, uttering, “Don’t worry. Most of it’s not mine.”
This was a much quipier D and a less hostile Jung-Yeol. Axle has remained largely the same. Also, I refuse to refer to D anymore as a "freak." I cheated and cut out some of the much more embarrassing parts, but that's my magic trick. You're supposed to believe I was good from the start.
L: What advice would you give to other writers?
Write.
M: How do you feel when somebody gives harsh yet constructive criticism?
I never feel that great about my writing, so I have a much easier time taking criticism than praise. Compliments in general make me feel uncomfortable. And also fantastic. It's a strange thing for me. But compliment me, certainly, because I will hold onto that until the end of time. My family has always been kind of critical with me. Teachers have fawned over me while my family has always responded with, "Well, you're not that great." Which is good. I needed that. It's good to be brought back down to Earth.
I really appreciate constructive criticism. The fact that anyone would want to read my writing is compliment enough. And I take criticism very seriously. However, I also know that I need to stand up for myself and if I feel as though there's a line that really works for me and I'm told that I shouldn't use it, I'll probably tell said critic that I'll change it and then never do so. Shh. In general, criticism should be a dialogue of some sort.
N: Which writing blogs and writing help blogs do you follow?
I don't really visit writing blogs. I visit writers' blogs, people who don't consider themselves writers. That sounded strange. I've found that reading a wide variety of books and types of writing helps me more than reading writing blogs.
O: What motivates you to write?
I don't really need motivation to write. It's the only way that I can express myself authentically - don't expect this voice if you're talking to me. Even if I can't write fiction, I can sit down and write about an encounter. I think in prose. I try to order my thoughts in appropriate writing form. Everything I do is driven by writing.
P: What are your goals for things to happen to your writing? (Getting published, getting a good review, having a fandom, etc)
Getting published. Not hating my writing. Making a living off of this one thing that I feel any passion about.
Q: How do you get through writer’s block?
I don't know. You tell me. Not being born with depression? Not having auto-immune diseases?
R: What genre do you write in?
Fiction. Literature, if you want to get all fancy about it. I like the feeling of slipstream, so I try to incorporate that. It's magical-realism's grumpy, uncomfortable uncle.
S: Would you let a stranger off the streets read your first drafts?
If I want to be a published writer, I'd have to be okay with that. There's no question.
T: What’s your favorite part of the writing process? Why?
Indulging in fantasies. There's something very liberating about that. People talk about having a comfort-zone in writing - I don't really have a comfort-zone. I write out everything I feel uncomfortable about first. I see it as a challenge. How can I make myself even more uncomfortable? That's fun for me. That's a holiday from expectations and the judgement of others. And then I try to submit my work.
U: What’s your least favorite part of the writing process? Why?
Needing everything to stick to a certain level of perfection that is not achievable. There is no progress if you get stuck in that. At the same time, I feel like my perfectionism will do me some good in the end.
V: What do you listen to when you write?
All sorts of stuff. The only band I can't listen to while writing is The Fiery Furnaces, because I get too wrapped up in the lyrics and might . . . possibly start singing along. I had a big thing about listening to atonal music while writing M+I. It produced interesting results. For a while, I listened solely to classical music while writing M+I. That produced interesting results as well.
W: What’s your biggest pet peeve in writing?
Exposition Junction. The last few books I've read have veered on that road and it has made me very upset. I don't like being told what the character is feeling or thinking. Use gestures. Use interactions. Facial expressions. Silence. Anything but telling me.
Y: How would you describe the perfect prose? How would you describe your own prose?
Angela Carter. Not Angela Carter.
Z: How often do you read?
Sporadically. I'm either on or off with reading. I'll sit for three hours and read or I'll read three pages in a week. It depends on whether I love what I'm reading or not. And general mood. But I'll read just about anything. Which has certainly gotten me into trouble in the past.
This was a list of questions that I posted on Tumblr for anyone to ask, but seeing as the dream boy never asks, I think I'll have to dance with Cassie on this one. As I've said before, morale has been exceptionally low for me lately. This morning, I woke up and didn't want to do anything anymore. But I forced myself. I forced myself to get up and do my volunteer work, my exposure homework. I should be proud of myself. I did the impossible - I visited an old workplace without feeling anxious.
Perhaps I brought this dark cloud down upon myself. I listened to The Fiery Furnace's I'm Going Away last night and could hardly contain the tears. The feeling of loneliness. But. I think I'll be okay. I have Bentley! And, because I'm allowed to treat myself after exposure homework, I'll have a Hello Kaworu! soon enough. (No, I'm not kidding you. Hello Kaworu!)
A: What do you write? Fanfiction, original fiction, nonfiction, articles, songs, poems, essays, plays, what?
Original fiction, articles, essays. I used to write poetry, but it's a little too embarrassing. Now I just write haikus about the young college guys I find in the poetry and philosophy sections of bookstores. They're not quite meant to be taken seriously. (What is it about young men in college and Bukowski?)
B: How often do you write?
Not as much as I'd like. In the past, I'd write a section and if I didn't like it, I'd write it all over again. In fact, there are sections of M+I that I've written over a good fifteen times before moving on with the first draft. There's a certain conversation between Eel and Regina that I just can't get right. So I keep at it. Now, I'm in the mind-set where if I don't like what I'm writing, the thought of, "Why bother?" comes up. And I hate myself and I shut down and there's no writing going on at that level.
"Sporadically," is the answer I should have given.
C: Who is your favorite character of your own? Who is your favorite character created by somebody else? Why?
All of my characters are my favorites. And that's not some bullshit answer. They wouldn't be in M+I if I didn't love them. I love D and his clownish gestures, his vacant owl gaze. I have fun continually taking conversation away from him and transforming it into gesticulations. I love Axle, chain-smoking little Hunter that he is. I love Madison and how she accidentally reads Alceste as a hero. I love Eel, probably because he's closest to my current state of mind. I love Oscar and his ning-nang-noon nonsense/sense. I love all my other characters too, whether they be a Moon, a Sormr, a Nadia, a Jung-Yeol, or a Suhayl. Or even a Fritjof or a Regina or an Edouard or a Malina. Or an Omri. Or a Hugo.
Not to sound like a broken record, but Angela Carter creates some of my favorite characters. This is probably due to the fact that she acknowledges the darker, id-like part of humanity and imbues that in her characters. Thus, I respect her characters more because I don't love them for the fact that they're nice or they're like me in any way - they're usually pretty horrible. Like Buffo. I loved Buffo. Sadistic little bastard. And I also came away from Nights of the Circus feeling as though I'd never met a character like Buffo before. That uncomfortable aspect of humanity is often lacking in contemporary writing. That wickedness, that vulgarity. It's depressing.
D: If you had the choice of going without writing forever or going without dinner forever, which one would you choose?
Just dinner? I could go without dinner. Writing forever would be great if I wasn't a perfectionist.
E: Have you ever participated in National Novel Writing Month or any of its variations?
Yes. I'm not particularly fond of the set-up. I see people who can crank out all those words in a month while I'm stuck trying to perfect a few sentences and feeling as if there's something incredibly wrong with me, that I can't do the same thing they can. It's always a big mistake whenever I decide to do it, even if it's simply to edit what I have of my first draft. I mean, it gets people to write. Great. But a certain format doesn't work for everyone. Also, why would I want to socialize with other people simply because we can both type words in Google documents? (Hermit Mode activated)
F: What’s your favorite book? Favorite author?
The Infernal Desire Machines of Doctor Hoffman. Angela Carter.
G: What’s your least favorite book? Least favorite author?
Maybe Ethan Frome? But I kind of like that book with how amusing it secretly is. There's a certain category that a book has to fall into for me to actually dislike it. There are books that I love, books that I like, books that are boring, and books that are so incredibly bad, I love them because I can no longer take them seriously. Oh Ged. And then there are books that I loathe and end up throwing at a wall. Not that I actually do that.
An author I actively avoid is Laurel K. Hamilton. I read a few of her books in high school and hated the writing. In fact, when I was sick, I used to edit my copies of her books. A book that recently angered me was A Darker Shade of Magic, but I wouldn't say that was my least favorite book. The last book that I threw at a wall was Wraeththu. Good times.
H: How long have you been writing?
For as long as I can remember. That sounds like a silly, ridiculous answer, I know. But one of my earliest memories is being 6-ish dragging my blanket into my parents' room as I declared to them that I wanted to be a writer. And before that, I used to scribble in books and thought I was writing stories. It's not a big surprise though as everyone in my family is a story-teller. You ask them to recall a visit to the doctor and they'll go off into a thirty-minute story, accented with gestures and voices.
I: What grades do you/did you get in English class?
I did pretty well in English. I have a degree in it, I better do well in English. I had A's and eventually, once I was completely full of myself and my teacher thought highly of me, I was promoted to English Honors. It was the worst mistake of my high school career. Not because the work was hard. No, I enjoyed the texts that we were given and loved to discuss them with the other students. It was the teacher I had. I'm certain she hated me. She expected us to know all the answers and refused to discuss anything. And all she could talk about were her students who went off to big-name colleges. She used to tell us that if we didn't go to a four-year college immediately after high school, we were doomed. Part of me wanted to go to a community college after high school just to spite her. Eventually, I ended up protesting her class by refusing to do the work, as I felt her homework was more fact-checking busy work than something that required a higher form of thinking. She really didn't like me then.
And somehow, who knows, I was able to make it into English AP in my senior year. I think she placed me in that class to spite me, as the teacher of that class was considered quite prickly. But little did she know that I do well around prickly people. I liked that class as well, but the damage had been done. I didn't want to read much after her class. I didn't want to do English homework anymore. I squeaked by with a C- and yet said prickly teacher never ratted me out to my parents. My grades started to go up again in community college. Apathy took over again after a few years though and I found myself not having the energy to do any of the work.
By the time I went to UCSB, I was more mature and I was determined not to make it a waste. Apathetic still, yes. My natural curiosity saved me. In the end, it was probably the best thing I had ever done. To this day, I think that being taught by some of the best English professors saved my life.
J: What does writing mean to you?
It means writing words on paper and failing.
K: Share an old, embarrassing work?
Where to start?
“You were going to bury me”, he uttered. Axle grinned winsomely, somehow recalling the event with fondness.
“Yeah well, you know how it is . . . you find a dead body on the beach, you try to bury it, and then you realize that it’s actually alive! Huh. If it wasn’t for my brother, you’d be breathing in sand now. Anyway, at least you’ll make good bait.”
---
“I”, Axle declared, placing a fist on his chest “am Axle Rhee. That’s A-X-L-E, not A-X-E-L.” The fist fell, only to play with his cigarette before placing it back into his mouth.
“Why A-X-L-E?” Axle would give him points for being inquisitive.
“Because I am a pivotal person.” Neither D nor Jung-Yeol found the boy’s quip humorous, thus shown by the lack of laughter. The freak stared at him dubiously and Jung-Yeol had decided that the ceiling was far more fascinating. “So . . .” Axle interjected, avoiding awkward moments of silence at all costs. “Where did all of that blood come from?”
“What?” D’s eyes rolled over to his shoulder and Axle felt that even mentioning it had been a mistake. At first, the freak seemed disgusted with the mess, making an annoyed sound by clicking his tongue. He turned back to the boy, uttering, “Don’t worry. Most of it’s not mine.”
This was a much quipier D and a less hostile Jung-Yeol. Axle has remained largely the same. Also, I refuse to refer to D anymore as a "freak." I cheated and cut out some of the much more embarrassing parts, but that's my magic trick. You're supposed to believe I was good from the start.
L: What advice would you give to other writers?
Write.
M: How do you feel when somebody gives harsh yet constructive criticism?
I never feel that great about my writing, so I have a much easier time taking criticism than praise. Compliments in general make me feel uncomfortable. And also fantastic. It's a strange thing for me. But compliment me, certainly, because I will hold onto that until the end of time. My family has always been kind of critical with me. Teachers have fawned over me while my family has always responded with, "Well, you're not that great." Which is good. I needed that. It's good to be brought back down to Earth.
I really appreciate constructive criticism. The fact that anyone would want to read my writing is compliment enough. And I take criticism very seriously. However, I also know that I need to stand up for myself and if I feel as though there's a line that really works for me and I'm told that I shouldn't use it, I'll probably tell said critic that I'll change it and then never do so. Shh. In general, criticism should be a dialogue of some sort.
N: Which writing blogs and writing help blogs do you follow?
I don't really visit writing blogs. I visit writers' blogs, people who don't consider themselves writers. That sounded strange. I've found that reading a wide variety of books and types of writing helps me more than reading writing blogs.
O: What motivates you to write?
I don't really need motivation to write. It's the only way that I can express myself authentically - don't expect this voice if you're talking to me. Even if I can't write fiction, I can sit down and write about an encounter. I think in prose. I try to order my thoughts in appropriate writing form. Everything I do is driven by writing.
P: What are your goals for things to happen to your writing? (Getting published, getting a good review, having a fandom, etc)
Getting published. Not hating my writing. Making a living off of this one thing that I feel any passion about.
Q: How do you get through writer’s block?
I don't know. You tell me. Not being born with depression? Not having auto-immune diseases?
R: What genre do you write in?
Fiction. Literature, if you want to get all fancy about it. I like the feeling of slipstream, so I try to incorporate that. It's magical-realism's grumpy, uncomfortable uncle.
S: Would you let a stranger off the streets read your first drafts?
If I want to be a published writer, I'd have to be okay with that. There's no question.
T: What’s your favorite part of the writing process? Why?
Indulging in fantasies. There's something very liberating about that. People talk about having a comfort-zone in writing - I don't really have a comfort-zone. I write out everything I feel uncomfortable about first. I see it as a challenge. How can I make myself even more uncomfortable? That's fun for me. That's a holiday from expectations and the judgement of others. And then I try to submit my work.
U: What’s your least favorite part of the writing process? Why?
Needing everything to stick to a certain level of perfection that is not achievable. There is no progress if you get stuck in that. At the same time, I feel like my perfectionism will do me some good in the end.
V: What do you listen to when you write?
All sorts of stuff. The only band I can't listen to while writing is The Fiery Furnaces, because I get too wrapped up in the lyrics and might . . . possibly start singing along. I had a big thing about listening to atonal music while writing M+I. It produced interesting results. For a while, I listened solely to classical music while writing M+I. That produced interesting results as well.
W: What’s your biggest pet peeve in writing?
Exposition Junction. The last few books I've read have veered on that road and it has made me very upset. I don't like being told what the character is feeling or thinking. Use gestures. Use interactions. Facial expressions. Silence. Anything but telling me.
Y: How would you describe the perfect prose? How would you describe your own prose?
Angela Carter. Not Angela Carter.
Z: How often do you read?
Sporadically. I'm either on or off with reading. I'll sit for three hours and read or I'll read three pages in a week. It depends on whether I love what I'm reading or not. And general mood. But I'll read just about anything. Which has certainly gotten me into trouble in the past.