Jim's Update
Last Monday even Jim said he was optimistic, but by Wednesday, he wasn’t - and neither am I.
His nurse and I noticed that there is a discoloration on Jim’s abdomen - on either side of where the tumors are. Kelsey (Jim’s nurse) said it’s not a good sign and left.
I then had my last run in with Kaiser. I called to clarify why I should be paying $300 to meet with Jim’s oncologist. I was told that since I am not the patient, I am seeing the Dr. as an outsider. I explained that I was his legal partner - his voice - his proxy. Still they said that I would have to pay the fee and deal with it after the fact. I got the impression that they were ‘going out of their way’ to help me. I asserted myself and said how ridiculous this whole process has been and how Kaiser has not played fair or timely.
Apparently my rant set off a domino effect because Kelsey came back to us in the afternoon to talk to me. Apparently Kaiser called them and blew up - questioning their actions including “not reporting discoloration of Jim’s urine.”
I was amazed and Kelsey said not to worry - they know that the Kaiser has the facts wrong and because they are contracted felt like their hands are tied. Kelsey then posed an offer - that Jim go into their hospice facility. Although this is a nice idea, Jim wouldn’t want to go and we didn’t see how that would help except maybe the oncologist would see him there, but the drama of being transported just wouldn’t be good. I asked Kelsey her opinion and she said that even though she is not a Doctor, she doesn’t think Jim has much time and the best thing to do now is to make him as comfortable as possible. The darkness around his stomach could be dying tissue or clogged blood - either way, hope has now diminished.
Jim is sleeping a lot - when he’s awake he rambles on about work projects and tv shows and other things that don’t make a lot of sense. He’s in his own dream world and I guess it’s a good place cause he does giggle now and again.
I called the oncologist to cancel my Saturday meeting and was shrugged off to the Kaiser referral service where I was lectured about how Kaiser North California and Kaiser South California are different. I told them that other Dr.s I’ve talked to have called Kaiser the Costco of Health Care - and I tend to believe that. I was told those Dr.s are unprofessional. I said letting a man die because of bureaucracy was unprofessional and more to the point uncaring. Thrive My Ass. I also informed them that I was happy to change my policy so that I no longer carry them for insurance. I finalized saying that I had no more time to waste with Kaiser at this point and that my time was better spent with my husband in his final days.
Saturday we had a visit from Diana Kelly - a consoler/nurse who specializes in death and dying issues. She brought her bulldog and met with Jim. I picked up a rather heavy two-year-old named Ishmael and held him up to Jim. It was the first time in a very long time I saw Jim’s eyes light up through his drugged fog. He tried to pet him but moving was difficult. I took the dog to the other room and Diane sat with Jim. They talked for a bit - but not long. He asked some questions about what’s to come and she answered as best as she could. She is used to dealing with atheists and that’s what was needed. Jim tired and she came out to talk to me. Ishmael was jumpy at first but then calmed down - but he could tell when I was crying and tried to comfort me.
So now we wait. Jim’s parents come on Wednesday. I know he will make it to Thanksgiving but I doubt Jim will make it much past that. But I don’t know. I’m not a Doctor.
His nurse and I noticed that there is a discoloration on Jim’s abdomen - on either side of where the tumors are. Kelsey (Jim’s nurse) said it’s not a good sign and left.
I then had my last run in with Kaiser. I called to clarify why I should be paying $300 to meet with Jim’s oncologist. I was told that since I am not the patient, I am seeing the Dr. as an outsider. I explained that I was his legal partner - his voice - his proxy. Still they said that I would have to pay the fee and deal with it after the fact. I got the impression that they were ‘going out of their way’ to help me. I asserted myself and said how ridiculous this whole process has been and how Kaiser has not played fair or timely.
Apparently my rant set off a domino effect because Kelsey came back to us in the afternoon to talk to me. Apparently Kaiser called them and blew up - questioning their actions including “not reporting discoloration of Jim’s urine.”
I was amazed and Kelsey said not to worry - they know that the Kaiser has the facts wrong and because they are contracted felt like their hands are tied. Kelsey then posed an offer - that Jim go into their hospice facility. Although this is a nice idea, Jim wouldn’t want to go and we didn’t see how that would help except maybe the oncologist would see him there, but the drama of being transported just wouldn’t be good. I asked Kelsey her opinion and she said that even though she is not a Doctor, she doesn’t think Jim has much time and the best thing to do now is to make him as comfortable as possible. The darkness around his stomach could be dying tissue or clogged blood - either way, hope has now diminished.
Jim is sleeping a lot - when he’s awake he rambles on about work projects and tv shows and other things that don’t make a lot of sense. He’s in his own dream world and I guess it’s a good place cause he does giggle now and again.
I called the oncologist to cancel my Saturday meeting and was shrugged off to the Kaiser referral service where I was lectured about how Kaiser North California and Kaiser South California are different. I told them that other Dr.s I’ve talked to have called Kaiser the Costco of Health Care - and I tend to believe that. I was told those Dr.s are unprofessional. I said letting a man die because of bureaucracy was unprofessional and more to the point uncaring. Thrive My Ass. I also informed them that I was happy to change my policy so that I no longer carry them for insurance. I finalized saying that I had no more time to waste with Kaiser at this point and that my time was better spent with my husband in his final days.
Saturday we had a visit from Diana Kelly - a consoler/nurse who specializes in death and dying issues. She brought her bulldog and met with Jim. I picked up a rather heavy two-year-old named Ishmael and held him up to Jim. It was the first time in a very long time I saw Jim’s eyes light up through his drugged fog. He tried to pet him but moving was difficult. I took the dog to the other room and Diane sat with Jim. They talked for a bit - but not long. He asked some questions about what’s to come and she answered as best as she could. She is used to dealing with atheists and that’s what was needed. Jim tired and she came out to talk to me. Ishmael was jumpy at first but then calmed down - but he could tell when I was crying and tried to comfort me.
So now we wait. Jim’s parents come on Wednesday. I know he will make it to Thanksgiving but I doubt Jim will make it much past that. But I don’t know. I’m not a Doctor.