Spring break
so I'm sitting here chilling at Lani's house during spring break. We have done some shopping for her in terms of interviews and family. I'm proud of her that she has gotten a job offer and even another interview.
I'm proud of myself for filling out 15 applications over Spring Break thus far. I know if I don't do it now, they will start the interview world and then i will be too late and all positions will be filled. I can't let that happen because I need to have a job. Dave has been great and working hard at his new job. He's really trying so we can have a future together as soon as possible. I can't wait for that future. I just want to be with him so much. I really miss him.
Unfortunately, there is someone I don't miss - me. While we were shopping, we went to all of these thin people stores and it just made me sick because I can't even try anything on. It was completely pointless because I knew nothing would fit. It made me sad. One store was one of my favorite stores but I just didn't want to try anything on in front of Lani b/c she's so beautiful and I just don't look like anything compared to her. She is the most perfect girl - gorgeous, smart, funny - every man's dream. I just know I can't be any of those things. I love my friends and normally I am never jealous. however, lately, I have been so sick of myself that I just look at all of them and get sad at myself. I've gained so much weight, I have these health problems,...I am just completely messed up. I really don't know why people like me in the first place. Maybe I make them feel better. I know that was my job in high school. I was around for the softball team to "cheer them on" as my coach put it and I made them feel better. I did it for all of my friends too by being their psychologist and just making everyone happy. I guess maybe I need to remember that. I need to work on making people happy because that makes me happy. Then maybe I'll be motivated to do things about my ugly self.
Someone pick me for a job! I'm a good teacher! As my mom and I do every time I send something off..."Pick me, pick me. Give me a job!"
I'm proud of myself for filling out 15 applications over Spring Break thus far. I know if I don't do it now, they will start the interview world and then i will be too late and all positions will be filled. I can't let that happen because I need to have a job. Dave has been great and working hard at his new job. He's really trying so we can have a future together as soon as possible. I can't wait for that future. I just want to be with him so much. I really miss him.
Unfortunately, there is someone I don't miss - me. While we were shopping, we went to all of these thin people stores and it just made me sick because I can't even try anything on. It was completely pointless because I knew nothing would fit. It made me sad. One store was one of my favorite stores but I just didn't want to try anything on in front of Lani b/c she's so beautiful and I just don't look like anything compared to her. She is the most perfect girl - gorgeous, smart, funny - every man's dream. I just know I can't be any of those things. I love my friends and normally I am never jealous. however, lately, I have been so sick of myself that I just look at all of them and get sad at myself. I've gained so much weight, I have these health problems,...I am just completely messed up. I really don't know why people like me in the first place. Maybe I make them feel better. I know that was my job in high school. I was around for the softball team to "cheer them on" as my coach put it and I made them feel better. I did it for all of my friends too by being their psychologist and just making everyone happy. I guess maybe I need to remember that. I need to work on making people happy because that makes me happy. Then maybe I'll be motivated to do things about my ugly self.
Someone pick me for a job! I'm a good teacher! As my mom and I do every time I send something off..."Pick me, pick me. Give me a job!"