something to think about...great conversation piece if you are interested...
One of my friends wrote this...does it get you thinking? What do you think?
Like my last few notes, this one came to me in the shower, which seems to be rapidly developing into a place of personal and spiritual enlightenment. Either that or I need to focus on cleaning myself off and quit letting my mind wander.
I was pondering the nature of love earlier today, and how to explain love to a room full of high school kids, like I'm doing tonight. The thing that struck me: high schoolers have absolutely no clue about love. They don't know what it looks like or what it feels like, yet they persist on professing that they love each other.
Why do I say they don't understand it? Because when a high schooler (and many adults, for that matter) says "I love you," what they really mean is, "I like the way you make me feel." In that context, "I love you" is not a you-statement at all; it does not mean "I care about you" or "I want what's best for you." It's a me-statement: "I'm using you because I enjoy the feelings I get inside me when you're around." A lot of marriages are apparently built around that kind of love, because the second one spouse doesn't have that fuzzy feeling inside, the marriage is over.
The point I'm getting at is that there are two kinds of love: selfish and selfless. A person who loves selfishly is concerned about what he will get out of the deal. (I speak as a male, so I use the example of a man pursuing a woman throughout this message. If you are a woman, reverse the genders as needed.) He wants a girlfriend because he is sick of being lonely or because some girl makes him feel special. Is it easy to see why those are the wrong motivations? At its core, that's just a form of manipulation; the other person is merely a means to achieve the desired end, which is his own personal happiness. That's a pretty degrading way to treat someone! Yet lots of people still love in that way, possibly because they're not aware they're doing it or because they don't know there's any alternative.
Selfless love, on the other hand, is concerned with the other person and her well-being. Is my girlfriend content and secure? Am I the kind of boyfriend that builds her up, empowers her, and meets her needs? Do I leap to her defense when someone slanders her; do I take care of her no matter what she needs? You can see how radically different this approach is when contrasted with the way most people conduct relationships.
Why is this so important? Think of it in terms of priorities. If your first priority is you, then you will not be willing to put your girlfriend ahead of yourself. If she needs a good back rub and you're exhausted, you're going to choose your own wants ahead of hers, because you are selfish. Alternately, if she needs a good back rub and you're exhausted, you could love her selflessly and do what builds her up even at your own expense. "But that's not feasible," you say, "I'll run myself ragged trying to take care of this woman!" But that's the beauty of the system. If you love your woman selflessly, and take care of her needs whenever you can, that opens her up to love you selflessly and take care of your needs as well, since she doesn't have to spend her time and energy caring for herself any more. You won't run out of emotional energy, because as you're pouring into your girlfriend, she's pouring right back into you!
In fact, that leads me to causes and effects. What happens if you love a person selflessly, with true concern for their needs over and above your own? I would bet almost anything that their reaction will be to grow in love for you as well. What kind of person could stand being treated like they're the most important thing in the world, and not be moved by it? Further, what does a relationship look like where each person knows they don't have to be constantly looking out for themselves, because someone else is dedicated to taking care of them? Doesn't that create peace, calm, and security - and aren't those all things that we could stand to have more of in our relationships?
--Jim