(no subject)
So, it looks like I haven't said anything since January 13...
To be honest, when I'm unhappy I tend to want to keep it to myself, that's all.
It's really hard to be back. It was hard to be home, but it gets harder and harder every day to be here. Right now, I'm writing this while I should be doing the piles of reading I have for my LSR classes, due tomorrow. I'm not used to this. I am not used to doing reading for classes I don't care about and am taking simply because I have to. I've never had a semester like this. Since freshman year I've been taking all the classes in my major so I could avoid a schedule like this, and now, I have to face it all at once.
Well done, Katie.
At the same time, I find myself not giving a shit about my grades or how I'm doing in these classes. I feel like there's a lot more to life than doing this stupid reading that I was only doing because I thought I had to... But, of course, when I don't do it, I have to think about where that's going to get me. And then, since I'm not sure where I want to end up, that doesn't really work either. I'm really in a quandry.
I kept thinking that everyone was different when for the past week and a half, but now I'm starting to think that maybe I'm the one who is different. Maybe I changed, and it just seems to me that they're the different ones. Because, at the same time, Saint Mike's stayed completely the same while I was gone.
Matt loves me. And knowing that I'm going to hear from him throughout the days makes it easier. It makes everything better, really. Getting phone calls... getting emails... getting flowers... knowing he's there... I love you, Matt. I don't think there's any other way to say it. I just adore you.
I like being in Comedy. A lot. I like the people I'm meeting and the work I'm doing, and that I finally get to act again, and be in a play. It seems like it's been a very long time. At the same time, the last time I was doing this, I was so sure that I wanted to be an actress and that was the only life for me, and now I'm not sure. Even though I don't know what it is I do want to do.
Too much thinking, too much thinking.
I never thought I would be indecisive. I've always had a 5 year plan for everything. Then everything started changing... for the better.
To be honest, when I'm unhappy I tend to want to keep it to myself, that's all.
It's really hard to be back. It was hard to be home, but it gets harder and harder every day to be here. Right now, I'm writing this while I should be doing the piles of reading I have for my LSR classes, due tomorrow. I'm not used to this. I am not used to doing reading for classes I don't care about and am taking simply because I have to. I've never had a semester like this. Since freshman year I've been taking all the classes in my major so I could avoid a schedule like this, and now, I have to face it all at once.
Well done, Katie.
At the same time, I find myself not giving a shit about my grades or how I'm doing in these classes. I feel like there's a lot more to life than doing this stupid reading that I was only doing because I thought I had to... But, of course, when I don't do it, I have to think about where that's going to get me. And then, since I'm not sure where I want to end up, that doesn't really work either. I'm really in a quandry.
I kept thinking that everyone was different when for the past week and a half, but now I'm starting to think that maybe I'm the one who is different. Maybe I changed, and it just seems to me that they're the different ones. Because, at the same time, Saint Mike's stayed completely the same while I was gone.
Matt loves me. And knowing that I'm going to hear from him throughout the days makes it easier. It makes everything better, really. Getting phone calls... getting emails... getting flowers... knowing he's there... I love you, Matt. I don't think there's any other way to say it. I just adore you.
I like being in Comedy. A lot. I like the people I'm meeting and the work I'm doing, and that I finally get to act again, and be in a play. It seems like it's been a very long time. At the same time, the last time I was doing this, I was so sure that I wanted to be an actress and that was the only life for me, and now I'm not sure. Even though I don't know what it is I do want to do.
Too much thinking, too much thinking.
I never thought I would be indecisive. I've always had a 5 year plan for everything. Then everything started changing... for the better.