the post that ended pretty optimistically
There are many things that I enjoy complaining about: 1. not being fit for rugby, 2. I'm relatively slow on the the field 3. I mistackle like I'm being paid for it 4. my grades aren't improving 5. my work is not progressing 6. basically just not good at doing life.
but truly, all these extremely trivial matters stem from one thing and that is that I am not trying hard enough. I don't put in the 10,000 hours that everyone else does. All I do is whine but I don't do anything about it. (and it so so so ironic about how here I am complaining about complaining about doing nothing)
I am stuck in a rut and my head has this amazing ability to convince myself that I will never amount to anything so why even try. I used to have all this energy to continuously motivate myself but now even getting through a day is an achievement. I sleep late but for long hours, I sustain myself with several shots of espresso and bars of chocolate and yet this lethargy is growing exponentially. My heart can't catch a break and it seems to be beating slower by the day.
I think this lack of drive stems from the fact that I am consistently longing for a better life away, and I feel that the only solution is to move far from here because this country and it's people are just sucking all the energy I have left.
but slavation comes in the form of love, where he holds my hand and gives me those 20 second hugs and whispers to me that, "this too shall pass".
I always think that I would love to die young. But truly, there is a lot of redemption that need's to be done and there is this purpose I have yet to fulfil. I just to suck it up and move along... I am slowly finding my way back to God and I guess this entire journey was how it was meant to be. Trust the process, trust Allah :-)
"everything will turn out right, the world is built on that"
x
but truly, all these extremely trivial matters stem from one thing and that is that I am not trying hard enough. I don't put in the 10,000 hours that everyone else does. All I do is whine but I don't do anything about it. (and it so so so ironic about how here I am complaining about complaining about doing nothing)
I am stuck in a rut and my head has this amazing ability to convince myself that I will never amount to anything so why even try. I used to have all this energy to continuously motivate myself but now even getting through a day is an achievement. I sleep late but for long hours, I sustain myself with several shots of espresso and bars of chocolate and yet this lethargy is growing exponentially. My heart can't catch a break and it seems to be beating slower by the day.
I think this lack of drive stems from the fact that I am consistently longing for a better life away, and I feel that the only solution is to move far from here because this country and it's people are just sucking all the energy I have left.
but slavation comes in the form of love, where he holds my hand and gives me those 20 second hugs and whispers to me that, "this too shall pass".
I always think that I would love to die young. But truly, there is a lot of redemption that need's to be done and there is this purpose I have yet to fulfil. I just to suck it up and move along... I am slowly finding my way back to God and I guess this entire journey was how it was meant to be. Trust the process, trust Allah :-)
"everything will turn out right, the world is built on that"
x