11111 -> 100000
I'm 32 today. I've gleefully told everyone that I'm gaining a binary digit this year. After 25 or so, you have to create your own milestones, or at least ones you want to hit.
Being in school I hear a lot of talking about "feeling old". I can certainly understand this... after all, such feelings are usually relative, and if I had already spent the past four years at Tech on top of going straight through every other sort of school, then I would definitely be saying the same thing. Yet, it's one thing to feel the passage of time, it is entirely another to use it as some enabling force to be completely apathetic. In that sense, I'm not old at all.
At the same time, I feel the passage of time, and feel the loss of things more deeply with each passing year, even as I remain amused, dare I say enchanted, with the things I'm learning, the people I'm meeting, and the stuff I'm doing (even if I could always do more than I have). I don't look forward to each birthday, nor do I really dread it. I merely accept it.
As such, I also accept that anything that happens now that is less than optimal can likely be traced back to various decisions I've made along the way. Take for instance tomorrow/this evening, where I will be working for the vast majority of it. I've got somewhere I may be going after work, but what really pulls at me a little is something entirely inane: There's a small get-together tomorrow to celebrate the release of the new Erato (Tech's campus art journal thing), and one of the drawings I did in my Visual Design class is in it. I'd like to go to that, if only for a bit, but it looks like I won't be able to. I'd just like a moment to reflect on something I've accomplished, I suppose, but my decisions up to this point have robbed me of that. C'est la vie.
Tonight I was attempting to transform a one dollar bill into a facsimile of Andy Kaufman when I scrawled out a doodle of myself, culled from a blurry camera pic. This was the result:
It has all sorts of wrong with it, but I sort of like it.
I tried wading back on OkCupid recently. I had one good person I've met and dated for a while, but the rest has been the vacuum of non-responses, no matter how much wit, sensitivity and intelligence I muster. I'm pretty sure it boils down to physical attributes and finances in the end, particularly on an online dating site where everyone is quickly valued, almost as a commodity. I'm pretty much done with it (again), though I'm tempted to rewrite my profile one last time and make the above picture my only available picture.
For now, such shenanigans will have to wait for the end of the semester. More projects and the like to do... hopefully I'll have some interesting fruit to share in a couple of weeks.
On the way home from work tonight I listened to this song, which pretty much sums up my feelings at this moment:
This isn't to say I'm not happy most of the time. Rumination like this usually doesn't follow when one is happy, after all. I'll be playing Nophest this summer. I've got some interesting classes lined up. There is plenty of future ahead.
Being in school I hear a lot of talking about "feeling old". I can certainly understand this... after all, such feelings are usually relative, and if I had already spent the past four years at Tech on top of going straight through every other sort of school, then I would definitely be saying the same thing. Yet, it's one thing to feel the passage of time, it is entirely another to use it as some enabling force to be completely apathetic. In that sense, I'm not old at all.
At the same time, I feel the passage of time, and feel the loss of things more deeply with each passing year, even as I remain amused, dare I say enchanted, with the things I'm learning, the people I'm meeting, and the stuff I'm doing (even if I could always do more than I have). I don't look forward to each birthday, nor do I really dread it. I merely accept it.
As such, I also accept that anything that happens now that is less than optimal can likely be traced back to various decisions I've made along the way. Take for instance tomorrow/this evening, where I will be working for the vast majority of it. I've got somewhere I may be going after work, but what really pulls at me a little is something entirely inane: There's a small get-together tomorrow to celebrate the release of the new Erato (Tech's campus art journal thing), and one of the drawings I did in my Visual Design class is in it. I'd like to go to that, if only for a bit, but it looks like I won't be able to. I'd just like a moment to reflect on something I've accomplished, I suppose, but my decisions up to this point have robbed me of that. C'est la vie.
Tonight I was attempting to transform a one dollar bill into a facsimile of Andy Kaufman when I scrawled out a doodle of myself, culled from a blurry camera pic. This was the result:
It has all sorts of wrong with it, but I sort of like it.
I tried wading back on OkCupid recently. I had one good person I've met and dated for a while, but the rest has been the vacuum of non-responses, no matter how much wit, sensitivity and intelligence I muster. I'm pretty sure it boils down to physical attributes and finances in the end, particularly on an online dating site where everyone is quickly valued, almost as a commodity. I'm pretty much done with it (again), though I'm tempted to rewrite my profile one last time and make the above picture my only available picture.
For now, such shenanigans will have to wait for the end of the semester. More projects and the like to do... hopefully I'll have some interesting fruit to share in a couple of weeks.
On the way home from work tonight I listened to this song, which pretty much sums up my feelings at this moment:
Click to viewThis isn't to say I'm not happy most of the time. Rumination like this usually doesn't follow when one is happy, after all. I'll be playing Nophest this summer. I've got some interesting classes lined up. There is plenty of future ahead.