Fifteen Minutes
Title: Fifteen Minutes
Summary: Mikey sometimes hates Gerard's rules but its better than having him barge into his room with two mugs of hot chocolate and an overdramatic need to care for him.
Disclaimer: I own these characters along with neglovespie. I am disabling comments but if you wish to say something you are welcome to pm me.
Warnings: Language, Frankie being Frankie, overprotective!Gerard, talk of self-injury (could be triggery)
BACKROUND: Mikey (16) moved in at age 15 with his brother Gerard (29) and Gee's boyfriend Bert (30) after his and Gerards parents died. A couple months after moving in Mikey's boyfriend Frankie (16) came to live with them. There are also Ray (16) and Bob (20) who, even though they sleep in the same bed most of the time, are not in a relationship and both identify as straight. Ray is just a teenager with the naivete` of a child who doesn't like to sleep alone. Bob has a girlfriend, Melinda (26), who is pretty fucking awesome because she deals with their shenanigans with a smile on her face.
A/N: This was supposed to be funny and then turned into a drama/comedy thing. I was feeling kinda angsty so, yeah. And I reiterate that there are references to self-injury in this fic: I don't want anyone who has experienced it to feel triggered, so beware. But there are no graphic cutting scenes atleast.
*
Mikey is not known for being outgoing. He is friendly, he will talk to you for a minimal amount of time, but he's mostly an introvert. Gerard seems to think the remedy is a healthy overdose of hugs. Mikey takes these in stride but his expression today clearly states that anyone who attempts to hug him will not live through the experience. Gerard tries to ask him whats wrong but Mikey only grunts at him, flipping through the channels on the TV. Today is Saturday afternoon which means Bert is at work and Frankie is going to sleep until three pm. So that just leaves the two brothers to interact.
Mikey doesn't feel like interacting and he suffers through his older brother throwing out random questions like, "What do you want for lunch?", "Do you know what the weathers going to be like tomorrow?", "How are your grades?" (as if he doesn't already know), and "I know Berts birthday is four months from now but I want to get him something good. What should I get him?"
The sixteen year old knows he's merely trying to make conversation for the sake of conversation. Gerard is naturally a conversationalist which has always made Mikey a little uncomfortable but he's tolerated is so far. But today he woke up in a bad way and he does not want to be asked stupid questions.
At somewhere around three Frankie bounces down the stairs, all smiles and bows, and plops down on the couch between Mikey and Gerard. Mikey grinds his teeth because he just knows they're going to start talking and all he really wants is to concentrate on this episode of Monk. But he knows he's not going to get that as soon as their jaws start flapping.
Approximately five minutes after Frankie joins them Mikey tosses the remote onto the coffee table in front of them and storms upstairs. He can hear Gerard clearly saying, "No, no, don't follow him! He's not in a very good mood . . . " and then Frankie replying, "But he loves me! Why wouldn't he want to talk to me?"
Mikey slams the door behind him and locks it for good measure.
*
Mikey hasn't been lying there for more than thirty minutes when his phone buzzes on the nightstand next to his bed. He's had his headphones on the whole time, blaring a CD Bob burned for him with a mix of Austrian Death Machine and Family Guy songs, so he hasn't been able to hear if anyone was knocking or trying to open his door.
The text reads:
To: Mikey
Fr: Gerard
3:41 pm
I M GOING 2 KNOCK THE DOOR DOWN IF U DONT TXT ME BAK
To: Gerard
Fr: Mikey
3:43 pm
Dear Drama Queen, I am fine. And don't knock my door down because then Frankie will take advantage of it and come in every night.
To: Mikey
Fr: Gerard
3:44 pm
DONT U REMEMBER THE PROMISE U MADE???
Mikey sighs. He promised Gerard about two weeks after he moved in that if he was going to hide in his room he would atleast text Gerard every fifteen minutes so his brother would know he is "still alive in there". Mikey honestly thinks its ridiculous but he would rather have his alone time and text Gerard like he is supposed to than be downstairs being interrogated relentlessly by both him and Frankie.
He knows Gerard is prone to overdramatizing things but simply put Gerard cares. He cares a whole fucking lot. And ever since their parents died he's been overprotective and overbearing but Mikey is reasonable enough to understand why. He is well aware of how unhealthy it is to isolate ones self but he needs it. He needs the solitude. These four walls plastered with band and comic book posters are his safe haven.
To: Gerard
Fr: Mikey
3:47 pm
I am fine. I am just listening to music.
To: Mikey
Fr: Gerard
3:48 pm
FRANKIE IS WORRIED ABOUT U
With a sigh Mikey begins to text as fast as he can.
To: Frankie
Fr: Mikey
3:49 pm
Theres no need to worry Frankie I am fine. And if you need something to do show Gerard how to turn off his caps.
To: Mikey
Fr: Gerard
3: 54 pm
WHUTS WRONG WITH CAPS??? D:
To: Gerard
Fr: Mikey
3: 56 pm
Your frowney face does not deter my disgust for all caps when caps are not needed.
To: Mikey
Fr: Gerard
3:57 pm
D: D: D: D: D: D: D: D: D:
To: Mikey
Fr: Frankie
3: 57 pm
:D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D
Mikey places his phone back on his nightstand and keeps tabs on when he's supposed to text Gerard next.
Mikey isn't sure why he's in a bad mood. All he knows is he woke up wanting, desperately, to punch someone in the face. He woke up at around ten am but decided it was better for his violent urges to pass before he dealt with other human beings. He read for a while before heading downstairs. But now he's back in the postion he was this morning: He really, really wants to hit someone.
I should talk to Gee about getting me a punching bag, he thinks wryly. Then again I'd probably never end up hitting the thing. Those karate lessons from Bert were a disaster. I think I hit his stomach more than I did his palm.
Mikey has a minute or two too spare before having to text Gerard so he decides to text Bob.
To: Bob
Fr: Mikey
4:10 pm
What do you do when you want to punch no one in particular in the face?
He doesn't expect him to reply back so quickly. He must not be at work today.
To: Mikey
Fr: Bob
4:13 pm
I make out with my girlfriend. Go make out with yours.
To: Bob
Fr: Mikey
4:14 pm
I don't have a girlfriend, you idiot.
To: Mikey
Fr: Bob
4:15 pm
You have Frankie. You have a girlfriend.
To: Bob
Fr: Mikey
4:16 pm
He has a penis. I've seen it.
To: Mikey
Fr: Bob
4:17 pm
You shouldn't talk about your girlfriend's penis to your friends.
Mikey gives up on this conversation and instead text Gerard before he has an aneurysm out of sheer worry even if he is only five minutes late.
To: Gerard
Fr: Mikey
4:18 pm
I'm still alive. Although the man in my room holding a gun to my head may change that status if I don't pleasure him.
To: Mikey
Fr: Gerard
4:19 pm
U BETTER B JOKING U R JOKING RITE?
To: Mikey
Fr: Frankie
4:19 pm
LOLOL u shoulda seen Gees face just nao i think he shit himself oh gawd i cant stop laughing hahahahahahahahaha
To: Gerard
Fr: Mikey
4:21 pm
Of course I'm joking Gee. Don't rush up here and try to kung fu panda your way through the door.
To: Mikey
Fr: Gerard
4: 22 pm
GOOD BECAUSE BERT IS THE 1 WITH THE BLACK BELT NOT ME & U NEED 2 MAKE A BETTER ANALOGY CUZ THE KUNG FU PANDA WUZ FAT & IM NOT FAT IM WATCHING MY W8
Mikey rolls his eyes and takes off his headphones. He goes over to his bookshelf and selects a good book - a Star Trek novel - and begins to read. He can feel himself beginning to calm even if it is only slightly. Maybe he won't have to stay holed up in his room all day.
The next few hours are spent trading texts back and forth every now and then. Gerard keeps texting him pictures of food in the refrigerator to try and tempt him to come downstairs but all he texts back is that the cheese looks like its close to molding.
Frankie keeps trying to "sext" him but he only responds with "NO" (he's pretty sure that situation calls for all caps). Besides, even if Mikey were remotely interested in sexting, Frankie would have to stop using "text speak" and that would kill his boyfriend to do so.
Mikeys mood swings from "kind of okay" or "I hate the fucking world" many times over the next few hours. He's never been diagnosed with a mood disorder but then again his last therapist was a complete moron. She wouldn't have known if an alligator was chewing on her butthole.
Its around six thirty when he gets a text from Bert.
To: Mikey
Fr: Bert
6:32 pm
I'm cooking dinner. Spaghetti and meatballs.
Mikey is very tempted to join them for dinner. He hadn't eaten any lunch - or breakfast for that matter - so his stomach is already growling its demands for nourishment. Then of course theres the fact that Bert hardly ever cooks. Maybe four or five times a month. He's usually too tired after his long shift at the ER to do anything other than talk and watch a movie. Not to mention that he's a fantastic cook. AND that spaghetti and meantballs is one of Mikey's "I-could-eat-this-for-every-meal-of-the-day" foods.
But despite the tempation he is in a horrible, awful mood. If he goes downstairs he's not going to talk to anyone and they'll only annoy him with their questions. Not so much Bert who is more subtle than that (sneaky bastard) but he doesn't want to deal with Gerard and Frankie's noise right now.
To: Bert
Fr: Mikey
6:37 pm
I'm staying up here. Save me a plate to heat up later please. Thanks.
Hardly thirty seconds later . . .
To: Mikey
Fr: Gerard
6:37 pm
MIKEY BERT SAYS U RNT COMING DWN 4 DINNER U NEED 2 EAT UR SKINNY ENUF AS IT IS!!!!!!
To: Gerard
Fr: Mikey
6:39 pm
Breathe, Gee, breathe. I'm not going to die of starvation. I have a bag of chips.
This is a lie but he's not going to say he has nothing. That will make Gerard knock his door down, holding out a heaping pile of spaghetti the size of a soccer ball on a plate as though its the Ark of the Covenant.
To: Mikey
Fr: Gerard
6:41 pm
CHIPS RNT SUITABLE & U KNO IT STOP HIDING PLZ? I DNT KNO WHATS WRONG BUT WE CN TLK IT OUT & ILL FIX IT I PROMISE
To: Gerard
Fr: Mikey
6:45 pm
Gerard, I'm sorry but I don't know whats wrong. I am in a bad mood and it'll only make it worse if I come downstairs. Don't take it personally. Its not you, or Frankie, or Bert. Its my own fucked up self. I'm f'd up in the head.
To: Mikey
Fr: Gerard
6:48 pm
Michael u listen 2 me. U r not f'd up and u r not f'd in the head. U r just going thru a tough time right now & u need some1 2 talk 2. plz let that b me. ilu.
Mikey can feel the guilt washing over him in waves. He doesn't want to put Gerard through this. He knows he should force himself to put on a smirk and pretend that everything is okay but today he can't. Its just not in him. If he could do anything to make it right he would have already done it.
To: Gerard
Fr: Mikey
6:52 pm
I love you too Gee but sometimes I need to be alone.
To: Mikey
Fr: Gerard
6:54 pm
If u promise me 1 thing. if you even consider hurting urself you txt me and ill drop everything & be up there. dont do anything plz. id never forgive myself if u did that again & i wuznt there 4 u.
Oh, god. He has to bring that up.
Mikey can feel his throat constrict and he glances down at the horizontal slashes on the inside of his arm, up near his elbow. He only did it twice before Gerard found out - it was soon after moving in - and it was the event that led up to him being in therapy. Gerard hasn't trusted him alone since. The 'text me every fifteen minutes' deal had also been cut off for a while after that. Gerard, after two months of watching him like a hawk, let the deal resume. But the threat loomed that if he ever did it again . . .
He told Bert about it of course who had looked as though he wanted to scold him but instead gave him a hug.
It also made Frankie cry silent tears and plead with him not to ever do it again.
And that was almost a year ago. He's had thoughts about doing it but the looks on their faces . . . he wouldn't be able to stand it.
Theres some anger inside of him that Gerard would bring it up as though its a legitimate worry. He hasn't done it months! But, once again, he can see the validaty of his worry and decides not to send him an angry text.
To: Gerard
Fr: Mikey
6:57 pm
I'm not going to do anything. I'm reading. If I need you I'll text you.
Its a not until a few minutes later that he gets a text from Bob.
To: Mikey
Fr: Bob
7:01 pm
Still feel like punching someone in the face?
To: Bob
Fr: Mikey
7:02 pm
Yes.
To: Mikey
Fr: Bob
7:03 pm
I can sense your distress all the way over here. Do you need me to come over? I can get Mindy to stay with Ray. Ray won't like me leaving him behind but hed understand.
Mikey bites his lower lip. He would like to talk to someone but it would hurt Gerard immensely if he lets Bob become the one he talks to.
To: Bob
Fr: Mikey
7:05 pm
I appreciate it but no. I'm hiding in my room again and the only way up here is to go through the front door and up the stairs which means passing the kitchen where they're eating. So unless you can levitate or turn yourself invisible I'm going to have to pass.
To: Mikey
Fr: Bob
7:07 pm
If I had those superpowers I would already have shared the secrets of them with you. Anyway if you need me text me or call me. Whichever.
Mikey smiles. He likes this particular kind of worry. The one where he doesn't feel pressured or guilted into talking to another person. He's given a choice in the matter. Right now he's saying no but if he gets really desperate he'll just call Bob and they'll talk about inane things like school or television.
Mikey's mood continues its slippery slide downhill. He truly doesn't want to feel this way. He doesn't even know why he feels like this. He just . . . does. Sure, he misses his parents, but he has Gerard and Bert and Frankie and his friends. It doesn't make up for having a mom and dad but atleast he has something. A lot of kids aren't lucky enough to have older siblings who want to take custody of them and are able to take care of him well. Granted its Bert whos taking care of them - he's the one with the job and the really well off parents - but Gerard is more of an emotional-caretaker than a financial-caretaker.
Mikey seriously begins to doubt his ability to cope when all he keeps scratching at his arm, evem though it doesn't itch, hard enough to redden the skin. He sets down his book and looks up at the ceiling and contemplates his next move. He isn't one for dramatics; he isn't going to go downstairs and declare that he's going to hurt himself if he isn't paid enough attention and coddled. But he doesn't want to ignore it either. He has to find middle ground.
The first thing Mikey does is unlock his door. He then goes back to his bed and sits there, his mobile phone sitting in front of him.
He can think of many excuses not to do this.
You're going to be interrupting dinner. You're not going to do anything. You're strong enough to do this on your own. You hate being coddled. Gerard doesn't need to be bothered right now. Frankie and Bert will try to find their way into your room too.
You don't deserve to be helped.
Mikey is so shocked at having thought that he immediately picks up his phone and starts texting.
To: Gerard
Fr: Mikey
7:15 pm
Come upstairs. Doors unlocked. Now. Don't bring Bert or Frankie please. I need you.
Mikey presses send and lets out a breath he didn't know he'd been holding. He closes his eyes and he can hear the rushed footsteps coming upstairs and padding down the hallway. Only one pair, thank god.
He opens his eyes and sees Gerard poke his head into the room as though he's unsure of what he expects to find. He spots Mikey and comes inside closing the door behind him. His eyes are swimming with concern and he looks as if he wants to hug his younger brother but Mikey is thankful he's holding himself back. Gerard is obviously waiting for him to say something, to start the heart-to-heart conversation, but Mikey has never been very good at these sorts of things. He swings his legs over the side of the bed and looks out his window.
With a soft, broken voice he says, "I miss mom and dad, Gee."
Gerard walks over and sits next to his little brother. He brings him in tight with one arm wrapped around his shoulders and lies his head on top of Mikey's. "I do too. Most days I don't want to get out of bed."
Mikey chuckles darkly. "But you're always so fucking happy."
"It's a mixture of things that get me out of bed. Bert helps a lot, he's always willing to help me through the darker mornings. And I know that if I'm not up 'n' at 'em Frankie will get into even more trouble than he usually does," Gerard says with a slight smile. "But I know that if I don't get up, you won't, and I'm not going to let either of us go down that road. Mom and dad would have wanted us to be happy. I mean, we are going to miss them horribly for a long time, but if there is a heaven and they're watching over us, I want them to be glad at what they are seeing. And if they see us wasting away its not going to do them justice."
"I didn't even know why I was so angry this morning. I was angry, and then I just became really upset, and . . . and I kept going deeper . . . " Mikey's voice becomes smaller and smaller until it fades out and he's not sure he'll ever speak again. He doesn't want to. It'd be easier if he becomes a mute. Then he wouldn't have to share his feelings, ever.
Gerard pulls away and tries to look him in the eyes but Mikey avoids it. He doesn't even realize he's scratching at his arm until Gerard tears his hand away.
"Michael," he says, sounding incredibly saddened. He lets go of his hand. "Please don't do that. Please. I trust that if you have hurt yourself you would have told me by now, but you haven't said anything, so I'm assuming you didn't."
This leaves the air open for Mikey to obviously admit to any wrong doing. Thank god he doesn't have anything to confess to.
"I didn't do anything." A pause. "I gave my word, didn't I?"
"I trust you. Just . . . just don't scratch yourself raw. Your arms red." His elder brother sounds heartbroken.
Mikey says, "I think I should, um, go back to a therapist. Not that idiot I saw before. Someone else."
"You'd give someone a fair chance?" Gerard sounds highly dubious of this ever taking place.
He snorts. "As long as you send me to someone who knows what the hell they're talking about, sure. I'm no ones guenia pig."
Gerard is quiet for a moment and then he says, "Um, I'd like it if you'd come watch a movie with us. It'd help distract you."
Theres only a brief pause in where Mikey really wants to say no. But, instead, he says, "I'll be down in a second." His brother hesitates, obviously not trusting leaving Mikey alone, but Mikey adds, "I'm okay, Gee. Really. I'll be right behind you."
Gerard leaves the room and Mikey quickly sends out a text.
To: Bob
Fr: Mikey
7:25 pm
Your superpowers are not needed. Everythings fine now. Well, not fine, but I'm better. Thanks.
It takes a while for Bob to reply. They're all smushed together on the couch, Bert on one end and Frankie on the other, with Gerard and Mikey squished into the middle, and the movies just starting. Mikey's phone vibrates in his pocket and he flips it open.
To: Mikey
Fr: Bob
7:54 pm
My superpowers were needed elsewhere. Apparently Ray decided it would be a good time to look up what a dominatrix is on Mindy's laptop while she went to the store. Suffice to say there was a lot of explaining to do and history to delete. Glad youre ok tho. :)
To: Bob
Fr: Mikey
7:55 pm
:)