In which Loz sucks.
I looked up the Cursive show tonight. It took about 15 minutes to find the site of the venue, find out the details of the show, work out where it is and how to get there, good stuff. Took another five minutes or so to find the site that sold the tickets, and took about five or ten minutes to translate the relevant bits. You know, like the bit that said sold out.
If whoever reads this is sick of hearing me bitch about missing shows, well, I can sympathise 'cause I'm bloody sick of listening to myself as well. It was that easy. I could've done all the above the night I found out about the show, and I'd be going. I would've gone to the Deathcab show on Wednesday night as well.
I don't know why I piss away everything I want. My application to keep my place at my uni is due in two days, I don't know how to do it and I don't know what's happening and I've had months.
I'm back in last year, and every year before that, realising that I haven't done any of my schoolwork and I'm fucked. Only these are things I supposedly care about. I just.. don't get myself. I don't know why I sat here all night feeling shit about something I couldn't even pinpoint, not feeling like doing anything. That's a whole half a day of my life gone that I spent feeling like shit, and I didn't even do anything to try and feel better, I just sat here. I didn't even feel like being on the computer, I was just here because it's like this rotten little default. And now I'm here verbally vomiting about it when I should be doing my Uni preferences, or anything even halfway worthwhile.
I make a point of turning off taps so as not to waste water, and saving bits of fabric and plastic bags and whatever else, but I can't even drum up enough concern to stop wasting my fucking life. Doesn't get much more warped than that.
If whoever reads this is sick of hearing me bitch about missing shows, well, I can sympathise 'cause I'm bloody sick of listening to myself as well. It was that easy. I could've done all the above the night I found out about the show, and I'd be going. I would've gone to the Deathcab show on Wednesday night as well.
I don't know why I piss away everything I want. My application to keep my place at my uni is due in two days, I don't know how to do it and I don't know what's happening and I've had months.
I'm back in last year, and every year before that, realising that I haven't done any of my schoolwork and I'm fucked. Only these are things I supposedly care about. I just.. don't get myself. I don't know why I sat here all night feeling shit about something I couldn't even pinpoint, not feeling like doing anything. That's a whole half a day of my life gone that I spent feeling like shit, and I didn't even do anything to try and feel better, I just sat here. I didn't even feel like being on the computer, I was just here because it's like this rotten little default. And now I'm here verbally vomiting about it when I should be doing my Uni preferences, or anything even halfway worthwhile.
I make a point of turning off taps so as not to waste water, and saving bits of fabric and plastic bags and whatever else, but I can't even drum up enough concern to stop wasting my fucking life. Doesn't get much more warped than that.