To all 82 of you

[poo]

Leave me an anonymous comment pouring your heart out. Say anything. Tell me your stories, your secrets, those things no one ever asks but you wish to tell. Tell me about your love, your hate, your indifference, your joy. Tell me about what's inside of you when you're reading through these entries on your friends list, and tell me why you continue

Comments

[poo]

Oh hun. People have probably gotten so used to you being their guide and support that they forget that you are human and are probably struggling, too. I would go anonymous to make this comment, but I might as well be honest in my own journal: I think about suicide every day, too. I just don't feel right being alive most days, like there's something out of place and that out of place is me. So many people IRL think I am strong and amazing, and do the same thing. Online is the only place I can unleash myself. My point is: sometimes you need to let down your hair and stop keeping up the façade that you're so put together. Try and find someone that you trust and love, and who loves you equally, that you can talk to without fear of judgment. Don't hide your identity. Saying, "you know, I am depressed a lot of the time and need someone to care about me" may seem hard, and yeah it isn't exactly "I'm suicidal all day", but it's a start and the courage you need to say that is a stepping stone to more confidential revelations (if that makes sense). Or, the next time one your friends asks you for advice or starts unloading on you, look them dead blank in the eyes and say "This doesn't mean that I don't care and don't want to listen, but you know what, I'm not okay either." If you need to, find a new counselor. It's not easy to find one you click with, and the last thing you should do is settle. If you can put the effort into finding one, I can guarantee you that you can find the strength to tell him/her how you really feel.

I am concerned about you. It doesn't matter if you might never act on it. There's still a possibility and it's still on your mind. E-mail me if you ever need or want to talk more (embellish@gmail.com) or you can AIM me anytime - aigret.

Please take care of yourself. I love you, as do many others.