A heartworming story of triumph in the face of adversity
So we were supposed to pick up a car in Homestead (an hour and a half by bus, because of all the transfers) at 10 AM. We got there at around 10 to get the car, I produced my debit card - WHICH THE GUY HAD PREVIOUSLY SAID WAS OKAY TO USE - and the guy was all like "Okay, I need your most recent phone bill with your address on it, as well as a copy of another current utility bill paid to date, and your most recent pay stub."
So I was incredibly bemused and displeased by all this, but there was nothing else for it, so I hopped the bus and took the other hour and a half bus ride back home. I started to gather up all the necessary documentation, but my phone bill is paperless billing, so I had to print it out. Upon looking at it so I could print it, I realized that Cingular doesn't include the home address on its paperless bills, to protect from 1337 hax0rz. So I figured "Eh, it probably won't be a big deal," and called the rent a car place to ask what to do.
The guy said words to the effect of "Oh, well, you can't rent the car with a debit card if you can't show a current phone bill with your address on it, even if you have a billion other utility bills with your address in it." So I said "Shit," and called the cell phone company.
(At this point, something is starting to smell like rotten tuna, only your mom's nowhere in sight...)
Cingular was all like "Well, we can't do anything except mail you a printout of your most recent bill, and that will not come for seven days." So I said "Shit," and called the rental car guy. He then said that I also could not use an old wireless bill with my address in conjunction with my current bill, and that Jonathon could not pay with his credit card because he does not have a driver's license. FUCK!
So then Jonathon decided to try to call the Cingular store, and see if they could print it out for me. But instead, he got this horrible useless automated phone tree. Then I decided to try to call the Enterprise national rent-a-car number to see what they could do for me, but they just transferred me back to the office that was giving me shit in the first place.
(At this point, I got so angry and cried so hard that I got a bruise on one eye.)
Finally, Jonathon had the bright idea of calling the Cingular line, and getting their customer service guy to call the Cingular store and find a real person. Fifteen minutes later, we were assured that the Cingular store in Century III Mall (a 2 hour bus ride) had a copy of the bill, complete with address. We switched the reservation to a closer Enterprise to the mall, and made our way out into the boonies.
Two hours later, I confidently marched into the Cingular store and asked for my printout, only to be confronted with an ugly, short, fat young man (he looked like a retarded pit bull with a scar over one eyebrow) who insisted that my printout was clearly not in the store, because the attendants were not permitted to print out bills. Jonathon pointed out to him that we had just recently spoken to the corporate office, which had assured us that there was, in fact, a copy sitting in the back room of the Cingular store. Dogface said "Well, I have no idea who would have told them that, because we aren't able to print those."
Hm.
Jonathon said "Well then, I have no idea why corporate would have told ME that you had it if that was, in fact, the case." Finally I demanded to speak with his supervisor, and he got this pugnacious little smirk on his face and goes "Sure," and stalks off. Meanwhile, his blonde bimbo coworker was pointing at us and gossiping.
Five minutes later, he comes out looking even angrier, clutching a sheaf of paper. He shoves my bill in my face and mutters "Supervisors have capabilities, we don't." To which I was forced to reply "You're damn right you have no capability, ya douche!"
Then we just had to walk a mile along a series of exit ramps and freeways to actually GET the car. But we got there, and discovered that they were out of compact and subcompact cars, so we got a Mitsubishi Lancer at the subcompact price! *wins*
So I am actually not entirely displeased with that outcome.
So I was incredibly bemused and displeased by all this, but there was nothing else for it, so I hopped the bus and took the other hour and a half bus ride back home. I started to gather up all the necessary documentation, but my phone bill is paperless billing, so I had to print it out. Upon looking at it so I could print it, I realized that Cingular doesn't include the home address on its paperless bills, to protect from 1337 hax0rz. So I figured "Eh, it probably won't be a big deal," and called the rent a car place to ask what to do.
The guy said words to the effect of "Oh, well, you can't rent the car with a debit card if you can't show a current phone bill with your address on it, even if you have a billion other utility bills with your address in it." So I said "Shit," and called the cell phone company.
(At this point, something is starting to smell like rotten tuna, only your mom's nowhere in sight...)
Cingular was all like "Well, we can't do anything except mail you a printout of your most recent bill, and that will not come for seven days." So I said "Shit," and called the rental car guy. He then said that I also could not use an old wireless bill with my address in conjunction with my current bill, and that Jonathon could not pay with his credit card because he does not have a driver's license. FUCK!
So then Jonathon decided to try to call the Cingular store, and see if they could print it out for me. But instead, he got this horrible useless automated phone tree. Then I decided to try to call the Enterprise national rent-a-car number to see what they could do for me, but they just transferred me back to the office that was giving me shit in the first place.
(At this point, I got so angry and cried so hard that I got a bruise on one eye.)
Finally, Jonathon had the bright idea of calling the Cingular line, and getting their customer service guy to call the Cingular store and find a real person. Fifteen minutes later, we were assured that the Cingular store in Century III Mall (a 2 hour bus ride) had a copy of the bill, complete with address. We switched the reservation to a closer Enterprise to the mall, and made our way out into the boonies.
Two hours later, I confidently marched into the Cingular store and asked for my printout, only to be confronted with an ugly, short, fat young man (he looked like a retarded pit bull with a scar over one eyebrow) who insisted that my printout was clearly not in the store, because the attendants were not permitted to print out bills. Jonathon pointed out to him that we had just recently spoken to the corporate office, which had assured us that there was, in fact, a copy sitting in the back room of the Cingular store. Dogface said "Well, I have no idea who would have told them that, because we aren't able to print those."
Hm.
Jonathon said "Well then, I have no idea why corporate would have told ME that you had it if that was, in fact, the case." Finally I demanded to speak with his supervisor, and he got this pugnacious little smirk on his face and goes "Sure," and stalks off. Meanwhile, his blonde bimbo coworker was pointing at us and gossiping.
Five minutes later, he comes out looking even angrier, clutching a sheaf of paper. He shoves my bill in my face and mutters "Supervisors have capabilities, we don't." To which I was forced to reply "You're damn right you have no capability, ya douche!"
Then we just had to walk a mile along a series of exit ramps and freeways to actually GET the car. But we got there, and discovered that they were out of compact and subcompact cars, so we got a Mitsubishi Lancer at the subcompact price! *wins*
So I am actually not entirely displeased with that outcome.