gettin' a car, probably?
First of all, fuck the motherfucking Port Authority. That is the impetus behind this upcoming rant.
THINGS THAT HAVE HAPPENED IN THE PAST MONTH INVOLVING ME AND THE PORT AUTHORITY OF ALLEGHENY COUNTY:
1) I get on the 71C. I pull the "Stop Requested" cord for Penn Mall Station. The driver fucking zooms through Penn Mall Station like a bat out of hell, and won't let me out even at Kirkwood Street, claiming that it isn't a stop. As a result, I have to walk BACK to Penn Mall from Home Depot (all the fucking way on the other side of East Liberty), and miss my connecting bus, and spend two hours out in the nasty damp weather.
2) Me and juicycat get on the 71C. The bus driver decides to bypass all of Penn Circle, then thinks better of this decision and fucking turns around and repeats a quarter of the route, causing us to miss our connecting bus and spend two hours out in the nasty damp weather.
3) We are getting the 86B home from the Strip. A middle-aged black man offers me a seat, which I gratefully accept (carrying about 30 lbs. of groceries). I am now sitting in a row full of middle-aged black men, all of whom seem unnaturally focused on something one of the men is holding. I look over. The man is holding a portable DVD player, and is watching hardcore porn. I pretend I saw nothing, and try to look in another direction. All other directions I can look in are either into the eyes of the guys watching the porn, or directly at three or four church ladies who are giving me the Baleful Glare of Death (tm). And also because it is porn, it is difficult to look away. Something about a glistening vagina is like a vortex that saps away my will and ability to look elsewhere. A vagina is like a black hole, sucking all the energy of my gaze into its fathomless depths. So I am trying really hard not to look at the vagina in question, which (even more uncomfortably) belongs to a curly-headed very pale white girl who is on a couch getting the shit fucked out of her by a very well-endowed black man. The man who gave me the seat then exits the bus, pointing to me and saying "You best dub her a copy, she be showin' some interest." The glares of the church ladies become positively incandescent, generating enough power to boil a cup of water. My face is beet-red. My boyfriend is on the other side of the bus, oblivious to my trauma, shrugging and mouthing "What?" when I try to motion him over to save me. At this point, the man in charge of the porno starts elbowing me in order to show me choice scenes (the same girl, wearing nothing but a pair of silver stripper shoes, gyrating while doing a headstand, or impossibly swallowing a mammoth kielbasa-sized cock as thick as her neck.) It was a bad day.
4) We are getting the 71C home from Center and Highland. We stand for 20 minutes in a driving rain. The bus finally shows up, and completely neglects to pick us up, just so that it can run a red light without hitting another car. We run four blocks at a dead sprint, lugging thirty pounds of cat litter, a few bags of clothing, and a bunch of liquor, to no avail. A fucking GUITAR CARRYING HIPPIE decides to enlighten us by going "Hey, it's only a bus!" Which is real fucking easy to say when you haven't been outside in a downpour for three hours that day, and are getting out of a dry and warm-looking car, conspicuously NOT soaked to the skin. (I yelled at him a bit.) nebulawindphone and badthumper have to come pick us up, and we are late a party we are hosting at our own house.
5) Last night I was at manicsgirl's place, eating tasty gnocchi and drinking too much red wine. I went to catch my bus. I waited outside for a few minutes, then the bus came DOWN THE WRONG FUCKING STREET and didn't pick me up, so I got to walk two miles through a slightly sketchy area of Pittsburgh (i.e. my neighborhood) at 1 A.M. (At least juicycat came and met me halfway. But, still....)
6) Today I was waiting for the bus in the cold, cold rain. It was due at 3:30. It did not come until 4:00. This is a typical occurrence in my life, but I know I still have to be out on the curb 5 minutes before it comes, lest it miraculously show up EARLY and fuck me over that way. The bus KNOWS. It knows, I tell you. It can tell when I am and am not standing waiting for it, and it cannot ever simply arrive on time. Motherfucking evil psychic 71C.
So I have decided that I am fucking getting a goddamn motherfucking car, goddammit.
THINGS THAT HAVE HAPPENED IN THE PAST MONTH INVOLVING ME AND THE PORT AUTHORITY OF ALLEGHENY COUNTY:
1) I get on the 71C. I pull the "Stop Requested" cord for Penn Mall Station. The driver fucking zooms through Penn Mall Station like a bat out of hell, and won't let me out even at Kirkwood Street, claiming that it isn't a stop. As a result, I have to walk BACK to Penn Mall from Home Depot (all the fucking way on the other side of East Liberty), and miss my connecting bus, and spend two hours out in the nasty damp weather.
2) Me and juicycat get on the 71C. The bus driver decides to bypass all of Penn Circle, then thinks better of this decision and fucking turns around and repeats a quarter of the route, causing us to miss our connecting bus and spend two hours out in the nasty damp weather.
3) We are getting the 86B home from the Strip. A middle-aged black man offers me a seat, which I gratefully accept (carrying about 30 lbs. of groceries). I am now sitting in a row full of middle-aged black men, all of whom seem unnaturally focused on something one of the men is holding. I look over. The man is holding a portable DVD player, and is watching hardcore porn. I pretend I saw nothing, and try to look in another direction. All other directions I can look in are either into the eyes of the guys watching the porn, or directly at three or four church ladies who are giving me the Baleful Glare of Death (tm). And also because it is porn, it is difficult to look away. Something about a glistening vagina is like a vortex that saps away my will and ability to look elsewhere. A vagina is like a black hole, sucking all the energy of my gaze into its fathomless depths. So I am trying really hard not to look at the vagina in question, which (even more uncomfortably) belongs to a curly-headed very pale white girl who is on a couch getting the shit fucked out of her by a very well-endowed black man. The man who gave me the seat then exits the bus, pointing to me and saying "You best dub her a copy, she be showin' some interest." The glares of the church ladies become positively incandescent, generating enough power to boil a cup of water. My face is beet-red. My boyfriend is on the other side of the bus, oblivious to my trauma, shrugging and mouthing "What?" when I try to motion him over to save me. At this point, the man in charge of the porno starts elbowing me in order to show me choice scenes (the same girl, wearing nothing but a pair of silver stripper shoes, gyrating while doing a headstand, or impossibly swallowing a mammoth kielbasa-sized cock as thick as her neck.) It was a bad day.
4) We are getting the 71C home from Center and Highland. We stand for 20 minutes in a driving rain. The bus finally shows up, and completely neglects to pick us up, just so that it can run a red light without hitting another car. We run four blocks at a dead sprint, lugging thirty pounds of cat litter, a few bags of clothing, and a bunch of liquor, to no avail. A fucking GUITAR CARRYING HIPPIE decides to enlighten us by going "Hey, it's only a bus!" Which is real fucking easy to say when you haven't been outside in a downpour for three hours that day, and are getting out of a dry and warm-looking car, conspicuously NOT soaked to the skin. (I yelled at him a bit.) nebulawindphone and badthumper have to come pick us up, and we are late a party we are hosting at our own house.
5) Last night I was at manicsgirl's place, eating tasty gnocchi and drinking too much red wine. I went to catch my bus. I waited outside for a few minutes, then the bus came DOWN THE WRONG FUCKING STREET and didn't pick me up, so I got to walk two miles through a slightly sketchy area of Pittsburgh (i.e. my neighborhood) at 1 A.M. (At least juicycat came and met me halfway. But, still....)
6) Today I was waiting for the bus in the cold, cold rain. It was due at 3:30. It did not come until 4:00. This is a typical occurrence in my life, but I know I still have to be out on the curb 5 minutes before it comes, lest it miraculously show up EARLY and fuck me over that way. The bus KNOWS. It knows, I tell you. It can tell when I am and am not standing waiting for it, and it cannot ever simply arrive on time. Motherfucking evil psychic 71C.
So I have decided that I am fucking getting a goddamn motherfucking car, goddammit.