these things
i tend to write these things when i'm too tired to do anything else, then fall asleep on top of my laptop with the lights on. kinda like in high school when my mom would come to my room every night around 4 or 5am and turn off my light and make me go take my contacts out. i have a terrible sleep history, not because i can't sleep, i sleep great, but because i have no discipline and don't know how to just decide to go to bed. or make that decision. it just never seems like something i want to do. some people really respect sleep. i don't really understand it cuz i've never been in that mindset, i suppose. i always want to do things. and sleeping is like...not existing. it's just this block of time that you don't remember and you don't get anything done and it doesn't seem to do much except alleviate sleepiness. maybe it's the chronic sleep deprevation but i don't wake up too terribly less tired than i do when i sleep. i guess i'm just always tired and always energetic, at least intentions wise (i wanted to say motivationally, but that seems to imply actually picking yourself up and doing things.) i'm awake now. i'm tired. i need to get out of the house. just procrastinating, i suppose. bye.