BREAKING YOUR MIND, BY KILLING THE TIME THAT KILLS YOU!
Well where to begin?
I feel like i have a lot to unload off of my chest but when I try to find the words for what is seeping out of my little body, they just don't come so easily.
I'm beginning to wonder if I made the right choice when I did this compulsive thing called "over". Well, shit, I KNOW I made the right decision, but I just forgot how bad this hurts. But I finally did what I needed to do to steer me on the right path to happiness.
My chest is heavy with emotion that I cannot unload in any direction. I need someone to lay on top of and stare in the eyes and tell him about my day while he brushes the hair from my face. I need that bubbly feeling in my cheeks when I smile because I'm so happy that I can't keep it to myself any longer.
I just need this void filled.
I'm so lonely to have to many people in my life. I'm sure everyone fills this way every once in a while, so I don't feel so alienated, but man alive, when it comes, it comes.
I cannot even begin to express how HAPPY I am that I now live with TWO of the most amazing girls EVER. If it weren't for them, my days would swell with tears and unreasonable logic. I completely forgot what it was like to have friends to confide in and bask daily stupid moments with......GOD bless jesus. She really is my saviour! (If i can spell that right?!?) Sanity would not be granted if it weren't for HER.
Im beggining to think that this fixation of a person is going to be the death of me. I'm unsure what my attraction is, but it is utterly intriguing. I can't get my mind off of him. Its not like I'm rebounding onto greater or lesser things here ppl, I just have this oddly fixation that I am trying to figure out in my head.
i still love Andy. no doubt.
I was actually glad to hear that he was out drinking tonight with his roommate. he wouldn't come drink with
us over here last night bc sleep was more important, but I'm sure that all things happen for a reason. And tonight will be one of them.
I can almost gurantee that in a month he'll find someone new to adore, and hopefully she can make him happy again. I realize that I am NOT the reason he is unhappy but, I am also sure that Im not the helper to his happiness anymore.
ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!! I just want this vicious cycle to end.....
I don't want to be lonely anymore, and I don't want him to be unhappy... Where is the medium?
How random was seeing James last night at Tbones? I was cordial, which was a step up for me, but nonetheless, I was....
Lindsay and I have strangedly, through drunken nights, become friends again, and that makes me smile. I HATE having enemies. They hurt my heart.
I guess I could ramble on and on some more and try to avoid reading my book. "True Confessions of a Heartless Girl"....(the irony).....for Honors.
bah!
And how random was Disbrow being at my house last night? Actually, it was random, but I thoroughly enjoyed him being here.....I really do like that kid, no matter what bullshit we've been through. He makes me laugh.....
This void hurts, and daily I supress it. i'm compensating myself for something I'm POSITIVE will never take off...but its all I have right now to keep me from crying everynight before I sleep. At least everynight at 11:16pm I have a 5minute surreal phone call to calm my nerves that had been jittering all day....How odd that tonights conversation lasted 26mins and 16secs...... i was impressed, and an actual DATE AND EVENT have been scheduled for THURS......
damn the time....and NOT enough of it...
sigh sigh sigh........
"the time has come the walrus said, time for many things"-Harriet the Spy
I feel like i have a lot to unload off of my chest but when I try to find the words for what is seeping out of my little body, they just don't come so easily.
I'm beginning to wonder if I made the right choice when I did this compulsive thing called "over". Well, shit, I KNOW I made the right decision, but I just forgot how bad this hurts. But I finally did what I needed to do to steer me on the right path to happiness.
My chest is heavy with emotion that I cannot unload in any direction. I need someone to lay on top of and stare in the eyes and tell him about my day while he brushes the hair from my face. I need that bubbly feeling in my cheeks when I smile because I'm so happy that I can't keep it to myself any longer.
I just need this void filled.
I'm so lonely to have to many people in my life. I'm sure everyone fills this way every once in a while, so I don't feel so alienated, but man alive, when it comes, it comes.
I cannot even begin to express how HAPPY I am that I now live with TWO of the most amazing girls EVER. If it weren't for them, my days would swell with tears and unreasonable logic. I completely forgot what it was like to have friends to confide in and bask daily stupid moments with......GOD bless jesus. She really is my saviour! (If i can spell that right?!?) Sanity would not be granted if it weren't for HER.
Im beggining to think that this fixation of a person is going to be the death of me. I'm unsure what my attraction is, but it is utterly intriguing. I can't get my mind off of him. Its not like I'm rebounding onto greater or lesser things here ppl, I just have this oddly fixation that I am trying to figure out in my head.
i still love Andy. no doubt.
I was actually glad to hear that he was out drinking tonight with his roommate. he wouldn't come drink with
us over here last night bc sleep was more important, but I'm sure that all things happen for a reason. And tonight will be one of them.
I can almost gurantee that in a month he'll find someone new to adore, and hopefully she can make him happy again. I realize that I am NOT the reason he is unhappy but, I am also sure that Im not the helper to his happiness anymore.
ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!! I just want this vicious cycle to end.....
I don't want to be lonely anymore, and I don't want him to be unhappy... Where is the medium?
How random was seeing James last night at Tbones? I was cordial, which was a step up for me, but nonetheless, I was....
Lindsay and I have strangedly, through drunken nights, become friends again, and that makes me smile. I HATE having enemies. They hurt my heart.
I guess I could ramble on and on some more and try to avoid reading my book. "True Confessions of a Heartless Girl"....(the irony).....for Honors.
bah!
And how random was Disbrow being at my house last night? Actually, it was random, but I thoroughly enjoyed him being here.....I really do like that kid, no matter what bullshit we've been through. He makes me laugh.....
This void hurts, and daily I supress it. i'm compensating myself for something I'm POSITIVE will never take off...but its all I have right now to keep me from crying everynight before I sleep. At least everynight at 11:16pm I have a 5minute surreal phone call to calm my nerves that had been jittering all day....How odd that tonights conversation lasted 26mins and 16secs...... i was impressed, and an actual DATE AND EVENT have been scheduled for THURS......
damn the time....and NOT enough of it...
sigh sigh sigh........
"the time has come the walrus said, time for many things"-Harriet the Spy