Why yes, I am occasionally over enthusiastic...

[lydiere]

Title: Jacob and Esau
Topic: Theft
Wordcount: 3758
Notes: I'm not really sure where this idea came from, though I suspect it's got something to do with guilt I feel thanks to a related, but totally different situation (which I can explain, but not without spoiling what this is about before you've even read it). I woke up this morning with the whole

Comments

[kabeyk]

Damn it! I'd only sjust tarted to vaguely wonder what I was going to write!

I think possibly the main reason I liked this was because Emily is a lot like me; rather self-absorbed and unlikely to ask questions like that. The whole atmosphere of it was good, very real-feeling, because these things happen in life and it quite normal for families to carry on and ignore the problems. Emily's matter-of-fact style realy helped this, helped keep it realistic.

I thought you did the confrontation well; writing it out would have made it feel odd when the mother hadn't really participated in any previous scenes or conversations, and if you could make it feel a bit more angry that would be perfect. It fitted well that Emily couldn't remember it in detail, seeing that she must have been blindingly angry, to finally snap after all that, having hardly talked to her mother in a long time.

I think the only weirdness was the age thing, possibly I'm not very good at remembering what it felt like to be a young teenager (and I was very immature at that age) but she did feel a lot younger at the start than she did at the end and it din't fit with the (relatively)short amount of time that passed in the main part of the narrative.

But I really liked this; I'm a sucker for anything that's realistic like that.

Oh yeah, and sorry if I'm not very coherent; I write the worst reviews known to man.

kx

[kabeyk]

Yeah, sorry, don't know what happened to my first sentence.

kx

[lydiere]

I hadn't actually planned it that the mother would be such a central figure without ever interacting directly, but you're right, I think; it'd be a little bit strange for her to suddenly be an active participant right at the end. It probably does need more anger, though, yes - something I'll work on.

Likewise, the age thing. I am not so good with keeping my 'voice' the same.

Thank you!