(no subject)
The fact that I’m at work and have been awake for two hours in ridiculous. And I guess it’s supposed to snow all day, which makes me “nervous… nervous…”
And my eyes are all puffy. I’m in a bad mood. Hopefully, after the day is over, I will feel much better. I’m almost certain this will be the case.
I know this entry is teetering on the edge of emo but it’s okay. What’s more emo than the Christmas season? Nothing, I tell you. Nothing.
Lots of people talk about how no one understands them; I do this too. And I really believe it. I mean, no one can really understand anyone else fully, but I have a tendency to keep certain feelings and thoughts to myself, when I really should be letting them out. I came to the realization last night that I like it that way. I’ve always been a really private/secretive person, but I think it’s mostly because I like to have something all to myself. It’s like a special prize or something. I had a little fit last night and really thought about how no one could know what I’m really feeling because I’m not about to explain it to anyone. But it didn’t make me feel alone and desperate. It made me feel warm and comfortable. Myself and I are best friends. I don’t know how to really explain it. But I like being somewhat of a mystery. It’s gotten better; I mean I’ve opened up to certain people recently in ways that I never have. But in the past it’s driven away some of my very best friends. I think I’m at a good place with it now.
The point is, people are crazy and complicated and full of issues and complexities and it’s impossible to figure out why because it’s usually caused by the most intricate and mulitifaceted combination of childhood incidents and chemicals.
I used the word “and” a lot in that sentence.
Um, I really don’t have that much else to say. I have an interview for an actual job in Chicago in two weeks, which is cool. I’m not sure I will get the job, but at least I’m hopeful that the new agency I signed up with will get me a job. I just met with them on Monday, and they’re already sending me on an interview, so that’s a good sign. BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH FUCKING BLAH
I saw Napolean Dynamite last night and it was very cute but failed to excite me beyond that.
Also, I keep having dreams about babies. I think this is because it’s “that time of the month where I’m not at my best because my vagina is bleeding.”
I think it might be nice to just have one child. I can see why people don’t want more than one.
It’s really sad to look at pictures of yourself taken a couple of years ago and see yourself all tan and thin and pretty, and realize that you no longer look like that.
Lots of other things are also really sad. I’m at a place in my life where I can’t see that there is more good in this world than bad. It’s not because I’ve been depressed, it seems to be coming from a more logical part of my brain. Really, I blame the media. Not completely, because I’ve seen a lot of bad things happen with my own two eyes. And I also just look at people and realize no matter how happy they are in the moment, very bad things have happened to them in the past, and will in the future. I believe this to be a unverisal truth. I believe that what everyone has in common is an underlying current of pain. To me, I feel this is a rational belief, but now that I’ve typed it, it seems that maybe it’s just a depressed person talking. I don’t know. What do you think?
Oh yeah, Merry Christmas by the way.
And my eyes are all puffy. I’m in a bad mood. Hopefully, after the day is over, I will feel much better. I’m almost certain this will be the case.
I know this entry is teetering on the edge of emo but it’s okay. What’s more emo than the Christmas season? Nothing, I tell you. Nothing.
Lots of people talk about how no one understands them; I do this too. And I really believe it. I mean, no one can really understand anyone else fully, but I have a tendency to keep certain feelings and thoughts to myself, when I really should be letting them out. I came to the realization last night that I like it that way. I’ve always been a really private/secretive person, but I think it’s mostly because I like to have something all to myself. It’s like a special prize or something. I had a little fit last night and really thought about how no one could know what I’m really feeling because I’m not about to explain it to anyone. But it didn’t make me feel alone and desperate. It made me feel warm and comfortable. Myself and I are best friends. I don’t know how to really explain it. But I like being somewhat of a mystery. It’s gotten better; I mean I’ve opened up to certain people recently in ways that I never have. But in the past it’s driven away some of my very best friends. I think I’m at a good place with it now.
The point is, people are crazy and complicated and full of issues and complexities and it’s impossible to figure out why because it’s usually caused by the most intricate and mulitifaceted combination of childhood incidents and chemicals.
I used the word “and” a lot in that sentence.
Um, I really don’t have that much else to say. I have an interview for an actual job in Chicago in two weeks, which is cool. I’m not sure I will get the job, but at least I’m hopeful that the new agency I signed up with will get me a job. I just met with them on Monday, and they’re already sending me on an interview, so that’s a good sign. BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH FUCKING BLAH
I saw Napolean Dynamite last night and it was very cute but failed to excite me beyond that.
Also, I keep having dreams about babies. I think this is because it’s “that time of the month where I’m not at my best because my vagina is bleeding.”
I think it might be nice to just have one child. I can see why people don’t want more than one.
It’s really sad to look at pictures of yourself taken a couple of years ago and see yourself all tan and thin and pretty, and realize that you no longer look like that.
Lots of other things are also really sad. I’m at a place in my life where I can’t see that there is more good in this world than bad. It’s not because I’ve been depressed, it seems to be coming from a more logical part of my brain. Really, I blame the media. Not completely, because I’ve seen a lot of bad things happen with my own two eyes. And I also just look at people and realize no matter how happy they are in the moment, very bad things have happened to them in the past, and will in the future. I believe this to be a unverisal truth. I believe that what everyone has in common is an underlying current of pain. To me, I feel this is a rational belief, but now that I’ve typed it, it seems that maybe it’s just a depressed person talking. I don’t know. What do you think?
Oh yeah, Merry Christmas by the way.