Emaleth's Entrance, part 3, the conclusion
Things got even better the next day. Emaleth decided to take herself off the oxygen, by ripping the tubes out of her nose repeatedly! She was on room air by this time, so they figured they would see how she did without, because they could always hook it back up. Now all that was left to do was to get her off the IV fluids and antibiotics, and get her home!
She also had an NG tube - the feeding tube. This particular day I could not pump any colostrum. Feeling a bit like a failure, I kept trying and trying - not even a drop. I had tried so hard and stressed myself out even more that it was just not working. I went down to the NICU for feeding time, only to find out that the nurse had already fed her through the NG tube. Immediately I got upset, and felt even worse because I couldn’t even pump anything to give through the NG tube.
Finally I rested for a while, and at this point, my step mom called me. I talked with her, and ended up crying. It was some of that totally uncontrollable sobbing. She got off the phone after a bit and without my knowledge, called down to the NICU and talked with someone down there. She told them how upset I was about the nurse not calling me before feeding Emaleth. She told them how hard I was taking everything, and apparently she asked if this particular nurse could be taken off care of my daughter. They agreed.
The next feeding I went downstairs, and still upset, tried to nurse Em. Still nothing had coming out, not even a drop of colostrum, and I lost it. I cried so loud the nurse came in and asked if I was okay. I spilled everything. It felt like a therapy session. I ended up feeding her through the tube, and headed back upstairs to try to sleep.
I was so exhausted, that I wasn’t able to get up for the next two feedings. I slept through the nurses taking my vitals. I had even asked the nurse to wake me up. She tried twice. I went down to the NICU after finally waking up, and tried to get Em to latch on. She did. And she did it perfectly. I could hear her gulping, and I had felt a bit full. I had thought maybe my milk was starting to come in. After she was done nursing, I pumped almost an ounce. Yes, my milk was coming!
The next few days were just a blur. Bouncing between home and the NICU. Living life in 3 hour increments. Feed baby, go home and eat and spend time with my son, then go back to the NICU to feed baby again. I stayed in the room with her overnight, and Em was doing wonderful, and she was coming off of the interventions rapidly. She finally started gaining weight; her lowest was 4 pounds 1 ounce. She did end up hovering at 4 pounds 4 ounces for a few days, and that’s what her weight was when she was discharged on February 29th.
There are many things that I wish I could have changed, but I am thankful for everything. I realize that in some cases you have to intervene. Yes, I feel like I gave in to some things that I wouldn’t have normally allowed, but as each day goes by, I see my daughter growing, and thriving. She’s not sickly. She never looked like a preemie. I know that no matter how I felt about the situation, I didn’t fail. She is healthy, and that’s all that I could ever ask for.
She also had an NG tube - the feeding tube. This particular day I could not pump any colostrum. Feeling a bit like a failure, I kept trying and trying - not even a drop. I had tried so hard and stressed myself out even more that it was just not working. I went down to the NICU for feeding time, only to find out that the nurse had already fed her through the NG tube. Immediately I got upset, and felt even worse because I couldn’t even pump anything to give through the NG tube.
Finally I rested for a while, and at this point, my step mom called me. I talked with her, and ended up crying. It was some of that totally uncontrollable sobbing. She got off the phone after a bit and without my knowledge, called down to the NICU and talked with someone down there. She told them how upset I was about the nurse not calling me before feeding Emaleth. She told them how hard I was taking everything, and apparently she asked if this particular nurse could be taken off care of my daughter. They agreed.
The next feeding I went downstairs, and still upset, tried to nurse Em. Still nothing had coming out, not even a drop of colostrum, and I lost it. I cried so loud the nurse came in and asked if I was okay. I spilled everything. It felt like a therapy session. I ended up feeding her through the tube, and headed back upstairs to try to sleep.
I was so exhausted, that I wasn’t able to get up for the next two feedings. I slept through the nurses taking my vitals. I had even asked the nurse to wake me up. She tried twice. I went down to the NICU after finally waking up, and tried to get Em to latch on. She did. And she did it perfectly. I could hear her gulping, and I had felt a bit full. I had thought maybe my milk was starting to come in. After she was done nursing, I pumped almost an ounce. Yes, my milk was coming!
The next few days were just a blur. Bouncing between home and the NICU. Living life in 3 hour increments. Feed baby, go home and eat and spend time with my son, then go back to the NICU to feed baby again. I stayed in the room with her overnight, and Em was doing wonderful, and she was coming off of the interventions rapidly. She finally started gaining weight; her lowest was 4 pounds 1 ounce. She did end up hovering at 4 pounds 4 ounces for a few days, and that’s what her weight was when she was discharged on February 29th.
There are many things that I wish I could have changed, but I am thankful for everything. I realize that in some cases you have to intervene. Yes, I feel like I gave in to some things that I wouldn’t have normally allowed, but as each day goes by, I see my daughter growing, and thriving. She’s not sickly. She never looked like a preemie. I know that no matter how I felt about the situation, I didn’t fail. She is healthy, and that’s all that I could ever ask for.