From Poly Living 2009: Compersion Immersion
Sitting at Eric Francis’ Compersion Immersion seminar here at Poly Living, my first seminar of the day (had some health issues this morning).
First memorable quote of the day: “Without embracing a journey of compersion, we are lying sacks of shit.”
Definition of “compersion” (per Eric): A transient emotion that we are capable of experiencing in a specific erotic experience.
- It’s about embracing change and authenticity.
- “If you don’t experience attachment or jealousy-you’re like one of those yogis that lives in a cave and breathes once in 150 years-you’re just not that common”
- “Jealousy is the ego’s reaction to the fact that it’s being held by the short hairs over the abyss.” And its existence doesn’t really make a difference. Read more about jealousy and the abyss here.
- “There is something profoundly erotic going on every time there is a jealous episode.” Reminds me of Damn6InchHeels, who confesses she loves to be jealous; it’s an erotic experience for her.
- “Love and attachment are basically incompatible” Hmm. Not sure I agree with that. It’s human to form attachments and to bond. Possessiveness isn’t, but I think possessiveness and attachment aren’t the same thing.
- Comparing avoiding jealousy to avoiding the stall when flying a plane-when flying a stalled plane, the best fix is to point the plane towards the ground, which is the least intuitive thing. When facing jealousy, fly into the stall.
- I disagree with his definition of “attachment;” looking up the dictionary definition, which has nothing to do with not being able to live without someone or anything unnatural, unhealthy or possessive. It is simply “affectionate regard.” Trace leans over and comments that he might be using the Buddhist definition of attachment, which does in fact have a negative connotation in the sense that attachment is the source of suffering.
- Defining compersion as letting go.
- “In order to overcome jealousy, masturbate with your partner over and over again, like 5,000 times” to confirm one’s erotic definition is to oneself, not the other person. Once again I disagree (not that I’d mind masturbating 5,000 times, although my hand might get tired). I’m all about generously sharing sexual energy and self, and “maintaining one’s egoic shell” to me isn’t what love and vulnerability are about. And I also don’t believe that attachment is unhealthy; I believe it’s brave and significant to human experience.
- New classification: “I’m monogamous, but… ” (I’m cheating/unhappy/not having sex, etc.)
Originally published at Polyamory Weekly. Please leave any comments there.