(no subject)
When someone you have a mutual likeness for decides to drift slowly away while you've sworn off your only vice for them (among other reasons).
There's no doubt that in life there are several hurdles, there's no doubt you'll become attached to someone only to have them detach themselves from you when you need them most. I haven't eaten today out of anxiety that I'd be able to spend a nice evening with him.
When I take a step back at how things were, and how much of a conscious effort people make in order to please this person, I think of how much more people are willing to bend over backwards to make whoever they surround themselves around happy.
I quit smoking 3 days ago and besides a couple relapses (drags of someone else's cigarettes) I'd say I'm doing fine. It's turned me into an emotional and physical roller coaster. I never realized that an addiction as crappy as nicotine could put such a pain in my chest, my heart literally hurts that it doesn't have that wonderful chemical flowing through it. I'm also much more depressed than usual, a fit and riot....I have several positive influences at work telling me to believe that I can do it, it's really the hardest thing I've ever done.
I figured having withdrawls from the cigarettes weren't nearly as bad as the withdrawls I was having from Emanuel while in Portland, I expected that I'd let those 3 days be the longest we've ever spent apart, but I was wrong when I realized that I had no money when I landed back in San Diego. I'd also find out my phone was turned off by the "man"...getting in touch with me would be harder than ever...but still not impossible.
Fuck I shouldn't be writing this, looking back on it is going to be very, very painful.
There's no doubt that in life there are several hurdles, there's no doubt you'll become attached to someone only to have them detach themselves from you when you need them most. I haven't eaten today out of anxiety that I'd be able to spend a nice evening with him.
When I take a step back at how things were, and how much of a conscious effort people make in order to please this person, I think of how much more people are willing to bend over backwards to make whoever they surround themselves around happy.
I quit smoking 3 days ago and besides a couple relapses (drags of someone else's cigarettes) I'd say I'm doing fine. It's turned me into an emotional and physical roller coaster. I never realized that an addiction as crappy as nicotine could put such a pain in my chest, my heart literally hurts that it doesn't have that wonderful chemical flowing through it. I'm also much more depressed than usual, a fit and riot....I have several positive influences at work telling me to believe that I can do it, it's really the hardest thing I've ever done.
I figured having withdrawls from the cigarettes weren't nearly as bad as the withdrawls I was having from Emanuel while in Portland, I expected that I'd let those 3 days be the longest we've ever spent apart, but I was wrong when I realized that I had no money when I landed back in San Diego. I'd also find out my phone was turned off by the "man"...getting in touch with me would be harder than ever...but still not impossible.
Fuck I shouldn't be writing this, looking back on it is going to be very, very painful.